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Expect it? No. Know the deal? Yes. Everyone "knows" that because you have a few dates, or have sex a few times, doesn't mean you'll have more of either. That is the deal with dating.
Judging by the OP, Apparently "Everyone" doesn't know that, no.
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It isn't irrelevant at all. People are chastising this guy because he ended it (cowardly, which is the only thing he should be criticized for) after having sex. Like he was just trying to get sex, which is ludicrous.
It's not ludicrous. It's exactly the point.
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Well if he isn't interested in more, what is he supposed to do?
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If you sleep with someone after a few dates and realize you're not a good match, what should he do? You're saying "not break up" (they were dating, not bf/gf), so in other words you're expecting him to keep going through the motions after he knows they weren't a match.
The fact that he broke up with her immediately after they slept together tells you it was premeditated.
If things happen to fall apart, that's totally different than if he planned it to fall apart.
So.... have you ever heard back from him at all? Maybe his phone really died? Not battery but hardware. Or he got hurt.
I can't think of any logical reason he would have been trying to set up a date if he was wanting to disappear.
He has me on fb but we both are not insanely active but he could still message me there if it was a case of phone getting stolen or hardware issues plus I called him thinking maybe it got stolen because he was on a long distance train but the phone rang. And I think I will never find out why would someone fly away while trying to set up a date. That is not smart even when you are backing out as a coward
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,935,179 times
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Originally Posted by le roi
The fact that he broke up with her immediately after they slept together tells you it was premeditated.
If things happen to fall apart, that's totally different than if he planned it to fall apart.
How in the world did you come up with that conclusion? Both men and women, myself and many friends (female and male) break up with people after sleeping with them because they realize they weren't sexually compatible. It happens A LOT. Sexual compatibility, and much of it are things you can't "work on" or "improve" is a HUGE part of a dating relationship. As often as not, people just don't have "it" and there is nothing you can do about it. Time to move on. There was nothing to fall apart, it was 4 freaking dates.
He doesn't have to date people to get sex. The idea that he dated her 3-4 times just to have sex once is silliness.
The only thing this guy did wrong was how he ran away instead of telling her he wasn't interested anymore.
I know I am just speculating, but I don't think it has to do with sexual compatibility. Who can tell if they are compatible after only having sex once. For most people, that first time with a new person is awkward as you are only just starting to learn about your partner.
But we can all only speculate (including the OP) only the guy knows why he left.
Face it there are people out there who are only after sex and once it happens, they bolt (men and women do this--it's not limited to men). That's why, in my opinion, it's best to wait until there is a commitment before having sex if a relationship is what you are looking for. You often hear people say "well, I want to test drive the car before I buy it" well, even when you just test drive you still have to fill out paperwork and make a commitment to the dealer to bring it back, a background check is done on you, a license is copied, etc. You aren't just handed the keys for free with no "commitment".
While it's not fool-proof or a guarantee, it does weed out a lot of the men and women who will just use you and leave.
He has me on fb but we both are not insanely active but he could still message me there if it was a case of phone getting stolen or hardware issues plus I called him thinking maybe it got stolen because he was on a long distance train but the phone rang. And I think I will never find out why would someone fly away while trying to set up a date. That is not smart even when you are backing out as a coward
Just because it rang on your end means nothing. It could be at the bottom of the ocean for all you know. It does seem like he could find an alternate means of contact or he may have just not thought of that.
Sounds like he was into the thrill of the chase, and once he caught his quarry, he moved on.
Ten bucks says he'll be back when he can't find someone else and he's horny. He might make up some song and dance about "being scared because I liked you so much," but believe that at your own risk.
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Originally Posted by nymeria
He has me on fb but we both are not insanely active but he could still message me there if it was a case of phone getting stolen or hardware issues plus I called him thinking maybe it got stolen because he was on a long distance train but the phone rang. And I think I will never find out why would someone fly away while trying to set up a date. That is not smart even when you are backing out as a coward
Take him off there. But don't block him, so he can see that he has been removed.
BTW, don't make up excuses like "I thought maybe his phone got stolen." If a man is into you, he'll find a way to reach you. If he's on your FB, all he had to do was log in from a computer.
The bottom line is that he's just not that into you. Move on, and don't waste any more time analyzing him.
Lilac110, I agree. Even if he comes back, the OP should know that this guy has already placed her second in the past. The only reason he is back is because he is bored, or was dumped by someone else or is horny and does not have another woman. The funny thing about these smooth disappearing types is that they all have the same method of acting - they resurface after some time with a great excuse and try to act super romantic to woo you back. I say run away as fast as you can!
Why analyze what happened or try to speculate the "why"? Just realize it happened. Next time, you keep your guard up, you sleep with someone only if you are committed to them or if you realize that you're strong enough where if this scenario happened again, you wouldn't beat yourself up over it. Who cares what his reasoning was? It's done, over, nothing changes it.
Also, I don't believe any of the far-fetched, "his phone might be broken" or "he's hurt".... maybe I watch too much dateline and who the bleep did I marry, but I believe people who are con-men or con-women probably use this line when they're conning two people at once.
My advice: Move on, enjoy being single and free.
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