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Here's my situation. My lady and I have a 4 year old daughter and my lady and my mom don't get a long very well. I happen to love my mom very much and yes, you can consider me a momma's boy. That's fine.
I like to take my daughter to my mom's house friday nights for overnights. My daughter and I will stay the night. This has been going on pretty regularly for the past 2 years with no issues. Well this past week, my lady scolded my daughter for something she did and my daughter responded by saying "I love mamita more than you." My mom doesn't like being called grandma. Now my lady doesn't want anymore overnights and wants limit these visits, even though I only take her there once a week. My lady claims that they are bonding too much.
I'm in the middle, I'm wondering if I should respect her wishes or continue to fight it. I mean I've said things like that when I was younger. I would say I loved my grandmother more when I would get into trouble. Obviously I didn't mean it.
Oh boy, jealousy and ego do not serve parents of young children very well.
Your "lady" is misusing her mama muscles, but you have to tread carefully in how you point that out or risk making things worse.
I would suggest you start out by giving your lady some support. The more emotionally supported and understood she feels the more her insecurities will relax.
So, don't argue with her - find a way to validate her feelings without disrespecting your mom. Yeah, it's a tough line to walk, but you can do it for your daughter
Once you can demonstrate some empathy for her position she will be more likely to work with you on letting the time with mom continue.
As a wife or significant other, I would have a problem with my guy wanting to spend a significant number of Friday nights with his mother.
To me that is a separate issue from what your daughter said. She is old enough to notice that different households have different rules and expectations. Of course she is going to notice if Mom is stricter than grandma! She needs to learn to be respectful of all, and your lady needs to not take that personally.
What I think your lady needs to know is that she is first in your life and your daughter a very close second and your Mom a very close third. Ditto what lovesMountains said about her asking for emotional support.
sounds like 2 of the 4 of you have outgrown the sleepovers.
My husband made the mistake of putting his parents' needs before mine. It caused major damage to our marriage.
I agree, the Friday nights away from your partner aren't good for your relationship. Why not let Grandma babysit, and you and your partner can go out, or have a quiet evening in?
Your daughter is trying to play her grandma against her mom. I think most kids try this at some point with their mom and some other adult they know. When my kids did it, I said, "That's because your Grandma is not in charge of making you behave, and I am. It's fine if you like her better, I don't care." That's usually enough to get them to realize they're not going to get their own way by paying grandma against mom. If your partner shows that she's upset, then your daughter will continue the behavior. It's not about access to Grandma, it's about learning she can't manipulate people.
First off, have a talk with your daughter. You need to stop her from pitting her mom against your mom. Next, you need to think about what your mom has done. Does she bend the rules for your daughter or is she circumventing your gf's wishes in the raising of your daughter?Lastly, you need to show support for your gf in front of your daughter. Make sure your daughter can't get away with it and at the same time, let your gf know that you'll control what happens with your mom.
Oh boy, jealousy and ego do not serve parents of young children very well.
Your "lady" is misusing her mama muscles, but you have to tread carefully in how you point that out or risk making things worse.
I would suggest you start out by giving your lady some support. The more emotionally supported and understood she feels the more her insecurities will relax.
So, don't argue with her - find a way to validate her feelings without disrespecting your mom. Yeah, it's a tough line to walk, but you can do it for your daughter
Once you can demonstrate some empathy for her position she will be more likely to work with you on letting the time with mom continue.
i have nothing to add, but this is right on point.
dont take it out on the child like some others are suggesting...yeesh
Here's my situation. My lady and I have a 4 year old daughter and my lady and my mom don't get a long very well. I happen to love my mom very much and yes, you can consider me a momma's boy. That's fine.
I like to take my daughter to my mom's house friday nights for overnights. My daughter and I will stay the night. This has been going on pretty regularly for the past 2 years with no issues. Well this past week, my lady scolded my daughter for something she did and my daughter responded by saying "I love mamita more than you." My mom doesn't like being called grandma. Now my lady doesn't want anymore overnights and wants limit these visits, even though I only take her there once a week. My lady claims that they are bonding too much.
I'm in the middle, I'm wondering if I should respect her wishes or continue to fight it. I mean I've said things like that when I was younger. I would say I loved my grandmother more when I would get into trouble. Obviously I didn't mean it.
I think it's pretty foul of you to stay at your mother's house, bring your kid and leave your so called "lady" at home. That's falls under the category of baby mama drama....and the one that is truly in the middle of it all is your child. You have clearly chosen to side with your mama.
I doubt any self respecting woman would put up with that much longer.
I think it's pretty foul of you to stay at your mother's house, bring your kid and leave your so called "lady" at home. That's falls under the category of baby mama drama....and the one that is truly in the middle of it all is your child. You have clearly chosen to side with your mama.
I doubt any self respecting woman would put up with that much longer.
he never brought up WHY he did this. for all anyone knows at this point its because of "his lady's" wishes to not get involved with his mother
in a sane world everyone would realize there is more than their own selfish desires involved here and drop the pissing contests for the sake of family....but we have no details other then nobody wants to get along.
the key word there is WANT
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