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I am a man. in other words it never occurred to me to ask this question. The answer however is quite easy... zero. No man has ever been rejected, he has likely however met many women who had the incredible misfortune not to be able to go out with him. It's quite sad really.
It's all about the story we tell ourselves and how we choose to frame things
YOU get it
I so wish some of these young men on CD would learn this instead of continuing to go down the wrong path!
Someone mentioned this upthread, and I agree that "rejection" is a rather strong word used by people who tend to want to play the victim. In the grand scheme of things, very few people are actually going to be attracted to or available to you. Someone you don't know who isn't interested in getting to know you further and turns you down isn't rejection. It's disappointing and it stings, but it's not rejection, really. Rejection is someone you've been seeing for a while telling you they never loved you. If "thanks, but no thanks" sends someone into a depression spiral and makes them question their sense of self-worth, then they're probably not ready for the ins-and-outs of a relationship to begin with.
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka
Yeah, try this one on: your husband of 23 years tells you that. Moving right along, couldn't stand the mean old in-laws anyway. But compared to that, being turned down for a date with a stranger is a pinprick.
Yep.
I'm going to repeat what I said last night on this thread and add it to the above posts on the hope that it might sink in for some here:
Real rejection is when someone you have been having a relationship with, someone you have real feelings for, calls it quits.
Being shot down when you ask someone on a date is not true "rejection" - it's just someone not interested in you, for one of any number of reasons - none of which have to be because you aren't "worthy", or "cute enough" or "tall enough" etc.
People are supposed to have learned some very basic lessons by the time they become "grownups"
#1 - life is not fair
#2 - not everyone you meet in life will like you
#3 - we are each responsible for our own happiness, and we must choose it for ourselves
It's all about the story we tell ourselves and how we choose to frame things
YOU get it
I so wish some of these young men on CD would learn this instead of continuing to go down the wrong path!
You sound like a nice woman, so I hope you'll listen to my post.
I think your intentions are really good. I also think that you may underestimate the extent to which numerous and particularly bad (falling for TRUE female friends is killer) rejections can do to a man's self esteem and psyche. There was a female poster who echoed this and I was SO HAPPY (Nila Jones I think) because most people seem to think you can just flip a switch. BTW, I have no doubt in my mind there's also many women in this situation as well.
You want to know the truth? I literally think of rejection every day whether I log on to this forum or not. I may not even come across a young woman that day, but it's still on my mind. Why else would I post threads like this, right?
You know my age I assume from my posts. Not a young man by anyone's imagination. So, for some of us, it's not as easy as flipping a switch. Don't you think that if frustrated men could just flip a mentality switch and make rejection nothing, they would? Who would not choose happiness?
OTOH, I think young men (of which I am not) can be saved by adopting better attitudes and changing their approach to women. It's a shame this stuff is not taught. I really think young men should all be taught how to view women with the correct perspective and most importantly, HAVE COURAGE. Have courage to express interest to a woman early and when you are young.
The lack of courage combined with lack of teaching about women is the surest path to bitterness.
You want to know the truth? I literally think of rejection every day whether I log on to this forum or not. I may not even come across a young woman that day, but it's still on my mind. Why else would I post threads like this, right?
Exactly. And that's the real issue. It has nothing to do with how many men the average woman has rejected, and everything to do with how you respond to rejection.
Exactly. And that's the real issue. It has nothing to do with how many men the average woman has rejected, and everything to do with how you respond to rejection.
You could say that about anything in life. If my mother died tmrw, you could also tell me to frame it in the right way, but it would still hurt for a long time.
And being dumped has never bothered me. Why would it? After all, that woman was attracted to me, a relatively rare thing. If she doesn't want to be with me because of some personality compatibility, that's always fine by me.
I'm not whining. I hear all your comments about 'telling yourself you're awesome' and 'it's not a big deal'. And don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal. I'm just saying. It's not as easy as flipping a switch. Again, if it was, wouldn't all people do that? Who would choose misery over happiness?
I think woman use "I have a b.f" a lot when it usually isn't true.
Because that's the only thing many men will understand. "No, thank you" isn't enough for them. They know better than the woman and will argue their case. So even when I'm single, if someone approaches and I'm not interested, I say I'm seeing someone. They don't take it personally and I don't have to listen to any whining or debate.
If she lives in a highly populated area like NYC, Vegas, Miami, DC, etc. and she goes to bars and clubs a few weekends a month from high school to age 30.... I would say by age 30 the average women has rejected hundreds of men. Yes hundreds.
As for the people whining about why the OP "cares".. just find another thread if you don't like the topic. I've never understood people who complain about the topic of a thread.. JUST IGNORE THE TREAD if you don't care for the topic. Its called common sense!
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Moving right along, couldn't stand the mean old in-laws anyway. 
But compared to that, being turned down for a date with a stranger is a pinprick.
So even when I'm single, if someone approaches and I'm not interested, I say I'm seeing someone. They don't take it personally and I don't have to listen to any whining or debate.
