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yes i know about the importance of communications in relationships, and i agree. its when the disagreements occur where there are communication challenge. whether we recognize it or not, knowing you SOs limits and reactions is a form of behavior modification.
are timeouts an acceptable form of disciplining a child? or perhaps being rational and talking to them is just as effective for you?
uh, so...you see your SO as a child who needs disciplining? now im confused and this is sounding weird
yes i know about the importance of communications in relationships, and i agree. its when the disagreements occur where there are communication challenge. whether we recognize it or not, knowing you SOs limits and reactions is a form of behavior modification.
are timeouts an acceptable form of disciplining a child? or perhaps being rational and talking to them is just as effective for you?
Knowing your SO's limits and reactions is one thing. My husband has a hot temper. I get really quiet when I'm upset. We know these things about each other. We can work with those things. What we can't work with is someone not talking to the other person for weeks at a time, someone ignoring problems and issues, someone hitting the other person. There are acceptable ways of communicating and unacceptable ways. Treating your partner like an employee is not acceptable to me.
like i said, its all about degree and duration. but you apparently know what i am talking about because using anger in a relationship is certainly a form of it. and i too have had SOs with explosive tempers, and it is no doubt a form of relationship control and behavior modification, speaking from experience with more than one.
I think what people are trying to say -- or, anyway, this is what I am saying -- is that in healthy relationships there is no issue of power. You want her to have everything she needs, and she wants the same for you. Neither of you has a desire for power over the other person, or control, or behaviour modification other than, 'Would you please not do that? Ok, thanks.'
Has anyone been the unfortunate recipient of the silent treatment, and if so, pls talk about it, what your partner was like otherwise, and if there was other emotional or other abuse involved. I read that it is one of the most severe forms of emotional abuse, and that those who do this also often do abandoning type behaviors such as holding threats of leaving over your head, or threatening to cheat
What does talking about someone else's experience have to do with your own life?
What happens to them does not affect you and if it is happening to you it is not affecting them.
You need to figure out how to deal with this or any other situation in your relationship and deal with it the best way possible for you.
I think what people are trying to say -- or, anyway, this is what I am saying -- is that in healthy relationships there is no issue of power. You want her to have everything she needs, and she wants the same for you. Neither of you has a desire for power over the other person, or control, or behaviour modification other than, 'Would you please not do that? Ok, thanks.'
Totally agree. Our relationship is not about power. It's about love and making each other happy.
I dont get the comparisons either, nokiddin compared a SO to a employee in one post, and to a misbehaving child needing discipline in other post
im sorry about the subtleties, its about relating to others and the methods used to address discord and unacceptable behavior --perceived, not preferred, or just plain bad behavior. using silence or deciding to limit communication is often used to address or attempt to resolve the discord and disagreements, and how it is used is just a matter of degree and duration to achieve a change in behavior, which can include when both individuals are in a state where they are more receptive to listening and appreciating the inappropriateness of their conduct.
What does talking about someone else's experience have to do with your own life?
What happens to them does not affect you and if it is happening to you it is not affecting them.
You need to figure out how to deal with this or any other situation in your relationship and deal with it the best way possible for you.
Because that is the point of the relationship forum, to share and learn from others similar experiences and to gain advice and wisdom, the same reason other posts are written. Learning from others and how they deal w a relationship issue is helpful in forumulating how one wants to handle somethung in their personal life
Totally agree. Our relationship is not about power. It's about love and making each other happy.
call it what you want but there is a power dynamic in relationships. and the act of sex in itself between a couple is at it core. look no further than the wild kingdom and observe animals mating. oh humans are different?? believe what you would like your reality to be.
and i get what you are saying about love and happiness, but you are kidding yourself if you think that comes naturally instead of negotiated ("mutual respect and understanding"). in law, thats called an agreement. a contract between two parties.
yeah i know others will disagree and argue otherwise. so just take my observations and thoughts with a grain of salt, or perhaps its an opportunity to see a different perspective.
i once heard a french woman say that it is a woman's instinctive objective to control the relationship and mans role not to let her have it. otherwise the relationship becomes dysfunctional. she may be wrong but give that some thought because i do think its unrealistic and just plain an illusive romantic ideal to think harmony in a relationship just happens with love and complete selflessness.
Last edited by nokiddin; 09-28-2013 at 07:53 PM..
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now im confused and this is sounding weird
-- is that in healthy relationships there is no issue of power. You want her to have everything she needs, and she wants the same for you. Neither of you has a desire for power over the other person, or control, or behaviour modification other than, 'Would you please not do that? Ok, thanks.'
