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Has anyone been the unfortunate recipient of the silent treatment, and if so, pls talk about it, what your partner was like otherwise, and if there was other emotional or other abuse involved. I read that it is one of the most severe forms of emotional abuse, and that those who do this also often do abandoning type behaviors such as holding threats of leaving over your head, or threatening to cheat
Drop this person like a hot rock, it can't get better. This is the most powerful weapon in what should be an equal partnership. This is the mortar in every engagement. This is the go-to response. If they threaten to leave or cheat, this is another form of blackmail that is similarly wounding. Give them an open door or ask for their poison, and give them a full cup. Ignorant, naïve ideals about being saved. Let them go, let them go, let them go. What's the attraction and what did they do before you came along?
The silent treatment is the preferred method used by narcissists when in an intimate relationship when they cannot evolve to a level that the relationship requires: intimacy and commitment.
It is an infantile psychological self defense mechanism that they employ because they lack the emotional maturity to deal with others (especially a partner or spouse) in a way that the person they are with deserves to be treated.
I had a relationship at one point that was at the point of imploding, when the woman I was with transitioned into the 'silent treatment' as a way of preventing the relationship from continuing on past the initial infatuation and lust stage that had maintained things for over a year and a half. During the silent treatment phase, she also had a guy that she previously claimed was 'just a friend' begin to be a more significant part of her life. She rationalized that strategy by convincing herself that I did not love her anymore. It kind of made sense - since it is hard to love someone that was systematically distancing herself from any real level of intimacy and commitment and doing so under the guise of the silent treatment.
At one point, when I stopped calling her and/or returning her texts and voicemails, she would call me with a blocked number and when I answered, she would just hang up (she admitted at a later date that it was her) and that went on for months. She would still show up at my house for marathon sex, but shut down and eventually leave when I wanted to talk about our relationship. The most notable incident was when I brought up a lot of things from the previous year and half and she got up and said 'I don't have to listen to this' and then left. A couple of days later, I called her phone at night and she had the guy she was with answer her phone. Really immature just like the silent treatment.
The silent treatment when used effectively by someone like that results in the partner that they are with 01: wondering what they did to cause the narcissist to go silent - 02: often makes the partner work harder to get things back to the way they were before (lost cause) - and 03: sets up significant emotional and psychological distance so that if the person using the silent treatment wants to transition into being with another person that they had on hold, they can do so and not feel guilty about it.
Skydive, Im sorry you went thru this, you sound like an expert on it but your post is validating to me. Sme things you said that really hit home is how when you need to talk about intimate emotional issues, they go silent. I also agree one common response to it is you try to get things to how they should be. People who do this make you feel crazy for wanting to just be able to emotionally connect and discuss things together. My partner was happy when i just went along with what he wanted and not ever have a need to discuss any issues that wouod come up, as they do in all relationships. I would be given the cold shoulder if he got offended, for any small offense slight or imagined slight and would refuse to discuss it or even let me know what happened.
I have a question, when your gf would go silent, did you try to ask her what was wrong, and if so was she at least willing to let you know or did she enjoy the power of not letting yu know?
Dewdrop, In answer to your question, it would last anywhere from hours to weeks on end, and just as i was about to walk away, it was like he sensed it, and would be knocking on my door or calling, all sweet and affectionate. I dont know how he seemed to be able to sense whenever i was about to walk away from him, but somehow, he just did, and then he would reel me back in.
Dewdrop, In answer to your question, it would last anywhere from hours to weeks on end, and just as i was about to walk away, it was like he sensed it, and would be knocking on my door or calling, all sweet and affectionate. I dont know how he seemed to be able to sense whenever i was about to walk away from him, but somehow, he just did, and then he would reel me back in.
Yeah - I would never put up with that. Sometimes when I'm mad - it takes me awhile to sort through my thoughts - so that could be interpreted as the silent treatment. But that only lasts for up to an hour or so, depending on what we are doing. I could never handle not speaking to someone for days. I had a friend whose boyfriend did that to her. They broke up - thank god! Communication is the foundation for relationships.
get real, i happens all the time in relationships. and women do it a lot. its all a question of degree and how long.
dont tell me you didnt ever want to avoid talking to a date or SO when they pissed you off. also , ever get no teply to an email or text even though you know they read it?? how much did you remind and wait till you got a reply? ohh she was busy or not feeling good those last couple of days, i see...
some ppl just cant see the obvious sometimes, or want to call it "games " when they fail to see that love and romance is a dance, a tango if you will. you either learn and know how to do it or be a sideline spectator or critic who thinks they know what they are talking about.
There is a difference between needing a few minutes or a few hours to cool off and a person who routinely shuts you out for long periods of time when your in a relationship, Of course everyone gets upset from time to time and needs a little time to cool off before having a long discussion, but that is not what the phenomenon known as the silent treatment is.
Define silent treatment. Do you mean silent for an hour? A few hours? A few days? A few weeks? It makes a big difference.
This...
Some people prefer to diffuse an argument or disagreement by taking space and walking away/not choosing that particular battle. Taking some alone time could be interpreted as a punishing, "silent" treatment.
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