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We are both behaving appropriately and within boundaries. My friend is afraid of his wife because she does not behave appropriately. She acts like I'm a threat when her behavior is the threat to their marriage. He even told her so and she continues. She can be emotionally abusive. I've seen it for myself. I've seen her being jealous and insecure as well.
Yes we have pulled back on our friendship though, which to me is sad. We shouldn't have to end a friendship because of the irrational feelings of others. There is no reason to enable that kind of behavior just because they are married.
You can't control their marriage. You can't control how his wife feels. And you can't control what he decides to do about anything. All you can do is be a good friend and try to make his life easier - not harder. And despite what me may tell you - you really don't know the inner workings of their relationship.
You can't control their marriage. You can't control how his wife feels. And you can't control what he decides to do about anything. All you can do is be a good friend and try to make his life easier - not harder. And despite what me may tell you - you really don't know the inner workings of their relationship.
And I don't try to control their marriage. I tell him it's up to him and to talk to a counselor and decide. I don't control what he decides to do. In fact, I have respected his decision to cut back on our hangouts. Even though that was not really his decision. His wife is the one that is trying to control how he feels and what he does. I stay out of it. And all I have done is be a good friend and accommodate him and his marriage.
I don't see how I'm the threat just because I'm a female. From what I have heard, she has been rude to his male friends as well.
And I don't try to control their marriage. I tell him it's up to him and to talk to a counselor and decide. I don't control what he decides to do. In fact, I have respected his decision to cut back on our hangouts. Even though that was not really his decision. His wife is the one that is trying to control how he feels and what he does. I stay out of it. And all I have done is be a good friend and accommodate him and his marriage.
I don't see how I'm the threat just because I'm a female. From what I have heard, she has been rude to his male friends as well.
It doesn't matter why she thinks you are a threat. When I was in my mid-20's, one of my closest male friends cut all ties with me because his fiancee was extremely jealous of me and told him he could never see me again. I didn't do anything wrong. These things happen. You can't control how other people view you.
It seems like you are trying to defend yourself a lot - it's not your fault, not his decision, it's all her fault, she's mean, etc. I'm not sure the point then? Do you want our approval, for everyone to say you are 100% innocent... she's so mean and horrible to you and him, you guys should be drinking buddies all you want? It doesn't really matter... whether his marriage is heaven or hell, I think it's just best if you back off because if there's any drama you don't need any part of it. If they are having issues, let them deal with it. No good can come of you being involved with him, even if it's as innocent as you claim it is. If there is really nothing going on, then why is it a big deal if you aren't going to the bar as much, or texting, etc? Just chill for awhile.
If you have to defend yourself so much and paint her as such a bad guy, it makes me wonder if there's not something more going on there that you aren't admitting. NO? Then it shouldn't be such a big deal to let it go a little, and back off for awhile.
I'm not painting her as the bad guy. I just think she is being irrational for no reason. She even got upset when he drove me to work and home when I had car issues. He didn't even come in. I have not done anything wrong. I have backed off a lot. We do not have a beer after work much anymore. We cut back on that. But we are still maintaining our friendship and there should not be a problem with that. Their marriage is their problem. I don't make it my problem. I am only defending myself because I am painted as the bad guy, even though I'm far from it.
I'm not painting her as the bad guy. I just think she is being irrational for no reason. She even got upset when he drove me to work and home when I had car issues. He didn't even come in. I have not done anything wrong. I have backed off a lot. We do not have a beer after work much anymore. We cut back on that. But we are still maintaining our friendship and there should not be a problem with that. Their marriage is their problem. I don't make it my problem. I am only defending myself because I am painted as the bad guy, even though I'm far from it.
you are aggravating the situation and you are more than aware you ARE an issue for the wife.
what more do you need to know to understand you hold some responsibility in this situation?
I don't think being a friend with a married man in general is a problem, but if his wife is really upset about it that is a different thing. It might be best to just be friends at work and not go out for drinks and text and email.
His wife is not ok with it, but it is clear that's irrational. Why should my friend enable his wife's behavior. He doesn't want to. He wants her to stop acting irrationally. We are not doing anything wrong. Why should we stop being friends and enable his wifes behavior. It just encourages her to continue the emotional abuse my friend is not happy with. He told me that because we stopped having a beer after work, she thinks she was right and there was more going on than there was. So we can't win either way.
His wife is not ok with it, but it is clear that's irrational.
you have no idea what goes on inside their marriage to understand what is irrational and what is not, you are judging the situation solely on YOUR wants and desires from YOUR circumstance.
everything else you have written here about "he said/she said" doesn't matter. YOU are a problem for their marriage and its been made clear you are not wanted, stop trying to force yourself in to the middle of it and stop allow "your friend" to use you as a thumb up the nose to his wife.
the guy sounds like a complete tool. be a friend and tell him to sort his marriage out before inviting known annoyances over for dinner
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