Coming out of an abusive/alcoholic marriage (man, love, therapy)
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I'm just a month out of an mentally and physically abusive marriage. Most of this was due to my husbands chronic vodka abuse. How long does it take to get over the anxiety of people being mad at me and belittling me? I will admit I am much much stronger and I feel good about that. I used to facedown a drunk, violent, angry 240 pound man on a regular basis. He left me in bars alone one vacation because he got drunk and passed out...etc. He threw me out of a car and left me there and those things make you strong!
I am 10 years post an abusive relationship and it still affects me. It takes many years and lots of work and sometimes it never really goes away, it just doesn't have the same hold on you that it used to. You need to start seeing a good Therapist to work through this.
First congratulations on escaping alive. As for getting over the anxiety of people being mad, etc., it can be as short as one day, once you realize their opinions don't matter. They have no idea what you went through, what you had to face every day. You can forgive them later for their lack of knowledge, but for now, stick with those who supported you through this ordeal.
As I said, the recovery time is up to you. If you're not in therapy, I suggest you try it. You have a lot of issues you're dealing with now and a therapist can help you with them. If the first offers you no support, find a new one. In time, you'll learn to live with your past issues and not let them affect your future in a detrimental way.
Maybe 6 months before you lose the immediate, conditioned reflexes. The effects on your life and relationships with friends, coworkers, etc., will take longer.
Trauma therapy will make an enormous difference in timeline. With it; a few years to be yourself again. Without it; a lifetime.
At first I thought if he went to rehab again and stayed sober for six months we would get back together, but, now I realize I want nothing to do with that relationship. I get scared somebody will make me go back and live with that fear again that is scary for me.
I'm just a month out of an mentally and physically abusive marriage. Most of this was due to my husbands chronic vodka abuse. How long does it take to get over the anxiety of people being mad at me and belittling me? I will admit I am much much stronger and I feel good about that. I used to facedown a drunk, violent, angry 240 pound man on a regular basis. He left me in bars alone one vacation because he got drunk and passed out...etc. He threw me out of a car and left me there and those things make you strong!
Any insight on recovery time though?
First let me say that I'm sorry you had to endure this. It's testament to your strength that you were able to get out of it, hopefully without long term effects.
Like Nila said, it will take time. I would count on a time frame equal to half the length of the relationship. Of course this is not a hard time line, and if you feel you have not progressed as much as you feel you should, in a shorter length of time, most certainly get yourself help. Trusting someone enough to let them get close to you will be one of your major obstacles, but it can be done.
You really want to surround yourself with people who will listen should you feel the need to talk. Work on building your relationships with your friends and relatives so that you can remember what it's like to be around people you trust not to harm you. That will be a start. Best of luck to you.
I'm just a month out of an mentally and physically abusive marriage. Most of this was due to my husbands chronic vodka abuse. How long does it take to get over the anxiety of people being mad at me and belittling me? I will admit I am much much stronger and I feel good about that. I used to facedown a drunk, violent, angry 240 pound man on a regular basis. He left me in bars alone one vacation because he got drunk and passed out...etc. He threw me out of a car and left me there and those things make you strong!
Any insight on recovery time though?
Hello, Aptor hours. Congratulations to you for getting out of that situation. As your posters are telling you, yes, it will take some time. And the length of time really depends on you. Are you planning on getting into therapy? How strong do you think you are right now, compared to how strong you have been in other times of your life? Do you have a support system of any kind?
The first thing is taking that initial step away from the situation. Now your life will get better, according to what you can manage.
My experience is leaving an abusive marriage to a man who had an emotional disorder (being forced out, really,) at the end of 2006. Now in 2013, I am beginning to get some healthy perspective on what happened, but at least along the way I recognized myself as getting stronger in small, persistent ways.
I know what you mean about being afraid something will happen to throw you back in that same situation. When people who have been abused by someone they loved and lived with, professionals use the term "having fleas" to describe the leftover behaviors that take time to go away. Yeah, I've got some!!! It's ok. I feel better now and hope that happens for you soon. Take care.
I'm just a month out of an mentally and physically abusive marriage. Most of this was due to my husbands chronic vodka abuse. How long does it take to get over the anxiety of people being mad at me and belittling me? I will admit I am much much stronger and I feel good about that. I used to facedown a drunk, violent, angry 240 pound man on a regular basis. He left me in bars alone one vacation because he got drunk and passed out...etc. He threw me out of a car and left me there and those things make you strong!
Any insight on recovery time though?
The X is in the box. Move on.
Look at it this way, that problem is over. Now your biggest problem (whatever that is) is what was your second biggest problem.
The real answer...AS LONG AS YOU WANT. when I ended my marriage, though different circumstances, people always asked me as if they needed to know whose side to choose. This is where you find out who you're real friends are...i never really talked about it but when I did I explained both sides (this was only with close friends). I did it with little support and with the way I grew up I learned to adapt...not saying nothing ever got to me. My advice is to seek out all that makes you feel good about yourself, eliminate the negative and always seek the positive. You are free...he may end up being all alone, that's on him. You are strong and will become more sure of that the more you stay positive.
It might be helpful to examine yourself, thoroughly and honestly, for emotional scars; take note of them; organize some sort of "program" to heal them, and make note of your progress.
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