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Old 11-18-2007, 07:12 AM
 
Location: Here
2,746 posts, read 3,797,896 times
Reputation: 4595

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The information below is from Dr. Laura Schlessinger's talk show, it was an e-mail she received from a listener. The information in this letter is extremely informative and valuable and could go either way (both men and women mistreat each other):

Thoughts From a Soon-To-Be Ex-Husband

“Two months ago, I left my wife and children and moved into a condo about a mile from our home. This morning, I was moved to write the following, just to help me vent my frustration over the treatment from my wife that led to this painful and damaging decision, called “For Years:”

For years, you behaved as if it didn’t matter whether I came or went, so I went.

For years, you were unsatisfied with the income I brought in, even though it was way more than enough to allow you to stay home with the children. Now you have less, and you get to go to work.

For years, you behaved as if my touch meant nothing to you. Now, it’s gone.

For years, you never complimented me on the household repairs I made, keeping up the lawn and garden, cleaning and organizing the garage and the hundreds of things I did to keep our home balanced and running. Now, you can do them.

For years, you complained I didn’t do enough housework. Now it’s all yours.

For years, you chose not to attend community and social events that were important to me. Now they’re not an option.

For years, you expected me to read your mind when you were hurt or upset. Never could, never will.

For years, you punished me with your silence. Now you have plenty.

For years, you would not share information about our kids’ schedules, doctor’s appointments and so on. Now some attorneys will help you polish your communication skills.

For years, I chose to love you, protect you, provide for you, confide in you, and have fun with you. Now, I don’t.

For years, you behaved as a long-suffering martyr. Now you can be one.

For years, I chose to raise your son as my own. Now, he’s hurting.

For years, you treated me as the lesser parent. Now I am.

For years, our precious young daughter has watched this debacle. What do you think she’s learned?

For years….


P.S. I bought and read “The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage” months ago, and asked my wife to read it with me. She laughed.”

(Signed)

Still My Kids’ Dad
in Southern California
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Old 11-18-2007, 08:45 AM
 
1,729 posts, read 205,786 times
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Yes, but I read that and I think "that is just one side of the story". Jumping to the end, if my ex had bought Dr. Laura's book, I would have also laughed because it would be so self-serving and hypocritical. So many of us have found joy from getting out of bad relationships - my life now is not "missing my husband's touch" it is rejoicing that I won't be yelled at each day.

But maybe the author of this letter is right, maybe he's a really nice guy, we just don't really know.
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Old 11-18-2007, 09:04 AM
 
Location: California
9,677 posts, read 10,941,681 times
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It's good and I'm sure it could be applied by either man or woman in many divorces.
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Old 11-18-2007, 09:05 AM
 
Location: Here
2,746 posts, read 3,797,896 times
Reputation: 4595
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldenmom7500 View Post
Yes, but I read that and I think "that is just one side of the story". Jumping to the end, if my ex had bought Dr. Laura's book, I would have also laughed because it would be so self-serving and hypocritical. So many of us have found joy from getting out of bad relationships - my life now is not "missing my husband's touch" it is rejoicing that I won't be yelled at each day.

But maybe the author of this letter is right, maybe he's a really nice guy, we just don't really know.
Yes, you are correct. . . there are two sides. The point of my posting his letter was to demonstrate how men and women can and should treat each other better, listen to each other, acknowledge each other, show more respect, enforce each other, stop neglecting each other and taking each other for granted, etc.

Some couples should have never been together in the first place, and some people falsely enter into a relationship for their own personal gains and could really care less about their partner.

Good luck in your new life! May you find all the happiness and joy you so richly deserve!
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Old 11-18-2007, 09:20 AM
 
1,729 posts, read 205,786 times
Reputation: 388
[quote=katie45;2029357]The point of my posting his letter was to demonstrate how men and women can and should treat each other better, listen to each other, acknowledge each other, show more respect, enforce each other, stop neglecting each other and taking each other for granted, etc.[quote]

Absolutely, my viewpoint is slightly cynical right now, but I think you are exactly right!
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Old 11-18-2007, 09:26 AM
 
Location: Here
2,746 posts, read 3,797,896 times
Reputation: 4595
[quote=goldenmom7500;2029451][quote=katie45;2029357]The point of my posting his letter was to demonstrate how men and women can and should treat each other better, listen to each other, acknowledge each other, show more respect, enforce each other, stop neglecting each other and taking each other for granted, etc.
Quote:

Absolutely, my viewpoint is slightly cynical right now, but I think you are exactly right!
I hear ya! I went thru an emotionally painful marriage too. I'm just so happy we got out from under the tyranny and can now walk in the sunshine again!
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Old 02-01-2010, 05:04 PM
 
2,549 posts, read 1,517,892 times
Reputation: 891
Default But my parents stayed married for 55 years...

Maybe we should combine the "morality" posts with these and then it might be "immoral" to divorce even though it might be the best thing for both partners to do so. But what about the children? I can hear someone saying that. What about them? How many of these people chose to make the illogical decision to have children with a partner whose charater they doubted? Did they think the person would change? Do they think that an unhappy marriage is somehow healthy for the kids?

We took an informal survey in my office. We asked "Why do you think divorce is so high?" Of 15 or so questioned, about half said "because we have made it too easy to divorce." The other half said "because it's hard work." Gender-wise, we are divided down the middle. Can you guess which gender said what?
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Old 02-01-2010, 05:13 PM
 
18,255 posts, read 17,635,017 times
Reputation: 18278
Quote:
Originally Posted by goldenmom7500 View Post
Yes, but I read that and I think "that is just one side of the story". Jumping to the end, if my ex had bought Dr. Laura's book, I would have also laughed because it would be so self-serving and hypocritical. So many of us have found joy from getting out of bad relationships - my life now is not "missing my husband's touch" it is rejoicing that I won't be yelled at each day.

But maybe the author of this letter is right, maybe he's a really nice guy, we just don't really know.
Exactly. They are just words, and anyone can write them. We don't know the truth behind them.
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Old 02-01-2010, 05:59 PM
 
3,284 posts, read 1,136,055 times
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Dr. Laura is a crazy b*tch. She can't even maintain a healthy relationship with her own mother.
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Old 02-01-2010, 06:17 PM
 
Location: California
25,614 posts, read 17,133,267 times
Reputation: 18127
PFFTTTTTTTTTT!

Nothing in the OP applies to my situation. In fact my soon to be ex husband can't identify anything I did or didn't do to cause his complete detachment from me, our kids, our home, and our life.

The only things he can say is that he never really knew what he wanted but when he was 50 years only he realized what he didn't want, which was the life we had together. Strangely enough he is still here 4 years later so apparently he still doesn't know what he wants...or at least hasn't met her yet.
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