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As lame as it sounds I have a hard time making the right moves to get the girls I'm attracted to interested in me or show it anyway. I'm friends with plenty of attractive women that I would be interested in dating but through my own lack of making moves it has rarely gone anywhere. Its not that I'm afraid, or bad looking, or shy, I just have no idea how to be romantic.
So really what I need to know is what level of moves are appropriate to get things started? Like should I make lots of eye contact and just keep the conversation light and talk about our mutual interests? Should I try touching her when I can? How do I let her know I'm interested and what should I look for from her? I know that's a lot but I'd like some input because I've become friends with almost every girl I've been interested in and although some have eventually progressed to more than that it was only after knowing them for years.
From my limited dating experience I can say once I'm in something I can play it by ear just fine so don't worry about that, its just the first month or so of knowing a person I feel I do a terrible job at showing I want to date them.
Also in aside I really don't need the PUA stuff, I've read some of it and honestly it just sounds corny and like I'm only going to get a certain kind of girl with it. It sounds like there may be some things I can learn from it but as a whole it sounds like its just not me and it over the top. Which by the way I noticed another member has a similar question to this but I figured it was a different enough concept and I was coming from a different place so I would make a new thread.
EDIT: This may sound bad but I feel like I get the consolation prize of being friends with a lot of these women. I have talked to some of them after knowing them for a while and they have said they would have wanted to date me but they didn't know I liked them etc. and now they are either in something, the spark is gone, or they realized it wouldn't work long term (which I feel like the last one may be that once I'm really close friends with someone, but not in a relationship with them, I treat them the same regardless of sex and that's probably a turn off).
Hey there. I am actually reading a book about some of what you are asking. It's called, "Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship" by David Givens, PhD. I recommend it.
It's a bit scientific/anthropological in nature, but it basically points out a lot of things people do without even thinking about where they give off signals of interest and non-interest. For example, a man who is out with a friend (another man) is more attractive than a man alone because a man alone usually just sits and looks. He can almost be intimidating and overly masculine. Where as a man with a friend, talks, laughs, and basically "looks" friendly and is more approachable. It sounds like you weren't giving off signals of interest to your friends since they didn't know you were interested.
Other things in the book include how a person can touch another person without being too forward, but still give the feeling of, "I am interested." The book basically shows ways to flirt, avoid mixed signals, read eyes, sit, stand, etc to give you an advantage (because people read each other on a subconscious level).
It's not PUA stuff. It's more of how to look appealing to the opposite sex (and recognize when someone from the opposite sex might find you appealing).
Hey there. I am actually reading a book about some of what you are asking. It's called, "Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship" by David Givens, PhD. I recommend it.
It's a bit scientific/anthropological in nature, but it basically points out a lot of things people do without even thinking about where they give off signals of interest and non-interest. For example, a man who is out with a friend (another man) is more attractive than a man alone because a man alone usually just sits and looks. He can almost be intimidating and overly masculine. Where as a man with a friend, talks, laughs, and basically "looks" friendly and is more approachable. It sounds like you weren't giving off signals of interest to your friends since they didn't know you were interested.
Other things in the book include how a person can touch another person without being too forward, but still give the feeling of, "I am interested." The book basically shows ways to flirt, avoid mixed signals, read eyes, sit, stand, etc to give you an advantage (because people read each other on a subconscious level).
It's not PUA stuff. It's more of how to look appealing to the opposite sex (and recognize when someone from the opposite sex might find you appealing).
That book sounds applicable and something I would be interested in reading. I agree that I am not showing interest, or at least not in the right way. I mean maybe I'm just to introverted or something.
Compliment them like, "Hey that looks nice on you...or... I like your hair."
See, those comments can go either way.
Bring up little things you remember about what they told you.
"How did you visit go with your cousin?"
"You are so cute when you laugh."
"I like how you see things."
Don't ever try too hard. Let them come to you.
"My friends and I are going to the beach on Saturday."
You: "I love the beach!"
Her: "Would you like to come join us?"
You: "Are you asking me out?!"
Her: "Wel--
You: "I would LOVE to come!!!!" Lol!
Yeah I guess some of my problem is I don't think they would ever ask me out in any sort of date like fashion. That's kind of counting on them to make the moves isn't it? I mean I am going for rather beautiful women here that I honestly don't think are "out of my league" but don't need to make moves to have a date you know? I mean once I'm friends with them and inviting each other places as friends I feel like its a bit late and then I really need to turn up the romance to get them interested in me.
That is some solid advice though, as I would probably be more prone to ask them about what they are wearing rather than just complement them on it.
Learn how to do this from the same place the girls you are interested in learn it -- movies and tv . Did you see the series Camp? It might be useful for that. Lots of teens and young adults demonstrating the right signals.
That said, if a girl is attracted to you, she will make sure you know it. If she doesn't, it means she is not interested.
Also, if you view friendship as a consolation prize instead of as a real prize, that's a turnoff for girls.
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