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I am not so sure the word "cheating " really IS what it looks like , or feels like. Rampant ? sure if you put a strict definition on the word , and include ALL encounters , relationships , Divorce pending , separations , open marriages , Mistresses ( openly know by all ). etc. ... The only part of whats true when it comes to this " cheating " is the part where the spouses lie to the other about whats going on. The way I see it , its NOT cheating if somewhere in time, a one night stand just happens, and there are many many scenarios that could come about that would fall into this slot , especially if one insists its" cheating"
I would not want to be married to a wife who never thinks about an affair , or has never been tempted or " chased after" as it will. I have been married to the same woman for 35 years . I DO know her well enough that she would NEVER admit of an encounter , dam sure , its even hard to get Her to talk about past parts of Her life for whatever the reason. Some people are very private by nature. Others like me live life as an open book, we also would not admit an extra martial affair ether unless the current marriage was doomed to fail and the affair or affairs were a precursor , an excuse , to justify ending the contract. My second wife did that , she called it" the seven year itch " even thou we had only been married 2 years. I had a hard time getting over that , but in the long run it was the right way to go.
I tend to think that in many cases, it's exactly what it says in the article. But I do think there are some exceptions, in which the cheater simply isn't honest with himself or herself and his or her own capacity for monogamy. Because modern society values monogamy, it would make sense that a certain percentage of cheaters go along with "the program" even though it's not in their nature because they want a family with children or the stability of a long-term partner or marriage and know that their partner won't go along with an open relationship or marriage. So, they live the charade and just go behind the other person's back.
Another thing that struck me about this piece is that by saying the spouse is less caring or passionate, that puts some of the blame on the spouse. I don't know how that survey was worded, if it was multiple choice, etc., but it plays right into the oldest line in the book: "My wife/husband doesn't understand me/care."
Meaning, "It's my spouse's fault, not my responsibility or choice."
Which, in the end, is a bunch of b.s. because it's always a choice. No one holds a gun to a cheater's head, and the cheater is the one deliberately putting himself or herself into situations where opportunities to cheat may arise. I wouldn't buy that "it just happened," like many cheaters will claim.
Anyway, thought this was interesting.
Also thought it was interesting that men who cheat tend to prefer Guinness over other beers.
I agree with this post.
The older I get, the more I really believe "once a cheater, always a cheater." But not exactly for the reason in the article or this post.
IMO, cheaters cheat simply because they put their self satisfaction a higher priority than being in a relationship. I am amazed how many people I know cheat. And I am also surprised how many people cheat when the mistress (female or male) know the cheater IS already in a relationship.
I would honestly guess close to 50% of people I know have cheated at some point in their life, and maybe 25% of them are in a relationship and cheating.
And I'm not talking about low life's. Teachers, business owners, regional sales manager, engineers.... And for the most part, you would NEVER guess it to be true.
I agree with this post.
The older I get, the more I really believe "once a cheater, always a cheater." But not exactly for the reason in the article or this post.
IMO, cheaters cheat simply because they put their self satisfaction a higher priority than being in a relationship. I am amazed how many people I know cheat. And I am also surprised how many people cheat when the mistress (female or male) know the cheater IS already in a relationship.
I would honestly guess close to 50% of people I know have cheated at some point in their life, and maybe 25% of them are in a relationship and cheating.
And I'm not talking about low life's. Teachers, business owners, regional sales manager, engineers.... And for the most part, you would NEVER guess it to be true.
I agree with your thoughts. And I have seen a lot of cheating in my lifetime (friends, neighbors, co-workers, public figures).
A "survey" is by nature going to end up with answers that the respondent feels justify his/her behavior.
So of course the partner is going to be the one to "blame" in the sense of feeling someone else outside the marriage provided more of what the cheater "needed."
The facts are . . . people cheat for many reasons but the main reason is . . . they can. For some it is a thrill, for some it is a validation that they are still attractive, for some it is a way to ease out of a dying marriage towards eventual divorce, for some it is just a matter of "variety" . . .
And then there are some marriages where both people "cheat," so I guess it shouldn't be referred to as cheating when it is an accepted practice by both parties.
I agree with this post.
The older I get, the more I really believe "once a cheater, always a cheater." But not exactly for the reason in the article or this post.
IMO, cheaters cheat simply because they put their self satisfaction a higher priority than being in a relationship. I am amazed how many people I know cheat. And I am also surprised how many people cheat when the mistress (female or male) know the cheater IS already in a relationship.
I would honestly guess close to 50% of people I know have cheated at some point in their life, and maybe 25% of them are in a relationship and cheating.
And I'm not talking about low life's. Teachers, business owners, regional sales manager, engineers.... And for the most part, you would NEVER guess it to be true.
" self satisfaction A higher priority than being in a relationship" ? Thats hard to understand considering the relationship IS a part of the satisfaction. After all the contract one enters into is most often driven by the desires, feelings, affections , why else would one get married if it were not for yourself.....They are called feelings for good reason.
" self satisfaction A higher priority than being in a relationship" ? Thats hard to understand considering the relationship IS a part of the satisfaction. After all the contract one enters into is most often driven by the desires, feelings, affections , why else would one get married if it were not for yourself.....They are called feelings for good reason.
To me, a relationship is an extension of friendship. So, I would expect my partner to be there for me, to support me, and to be loyal. Just the same as I expect from my good friends.
Thus, the relationship is based on trust, loyalty, and being comfortable, not feelings or passion or physical attraction. TBH, I don't even need any of those things. I realize I am rare in that sense. But also realize, when those things are gone, that person will find another person to supply them with that.
Not that I think any of that is so bad. The part that I find bad is that somebody would do it while they are still in a relationship. If you break it off first, it's not cheating. It's inherently selfish. It means you want it all. You want to have your cake and eat it too. You want the companionship that Person A provides and the passion that Person B provides and are willing to do it at the expense of Person A.
It's inherently selfish. It means you want it all. You want to have your cake and eat it too. You want the companionship that Person A provides and the passion that Person B provides and are willing to do it at the expense of Person A.
To me, a relationship is an extension of friendship. So, I would expect my partner to be there for me, to support me, and to be loyal. Just the same as I expect from my good friends.
Thus, the relationship is based on trust, loyalty, and being comfortable, not feelings or passion or physical attraction. TBH, I don't even need any of those things. I realize I am rare in that sense. But also realize, when those things are gone, that person will find another person to supply them with that.
Not that I think any of that is so bad. The part that I find bad is that somebody would do it while they are still in a relationship. If you break it off first, it's not cheating. It's inherently selfish. It means you want it all. You want to have your cake and eat it too. You want the companionship that Person A provides and the passion that Person B provides and are willing to do it at the expense of Person A.
I understand what you are saying , all those words are important....however , it was the attraction that got you interested in the first person at the start. That includes a romantic relationship ( at lest for most people ) . I could never see making a long term commitment with anyone who you were not compatible with in the sex department. Over time things can change your first self sanctification attraction to the first person was how it all started and some of that should linger for as long as you want it too. When person A no longer wants anything to do with you as a sexual partner, I don't see it selfish to find that part of whats now missing with person B........ I know there are different kinds of love and that must be respected after a long time relationship. In all fairness there needs to be a common ground found for it all to work and or continue.
Why is screwing a hot guy from your office for months and months while you're married to your husband bad?
Why is cancelling on a friend or making them wait for hours because something better and more fun came up at the last second bad?
Why is missing your dad's birthday because an excuse to go out and watch football and get drunk came up bad?
Why is abandoning your wife and kids because you could have an easier life as a deadbeat dad bad?
Everyone is selfish in the beginning. Thats the way it works , and brings people together.
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