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Wow - yes first time poster because this is something I've obviously never been through before. Doesn't it make sense that people don't post questions in which they are NOT CONFUSED. I'm not a troll and won't be posting here again. I wasn't expecting a ton of sympathy just someone who could relate.
And as for the person who called her a gold digger - your comprehension skills need improvement. He is unemployed and she's been supporting him for years.
And seems like the standard stereotypes apply - I'm the bad person.
Look, you can't come on a message board and tell a story like that and think you are going to get all puppies and rainbows as a response. LOL.
Pause your hurt feelings and just look objectively at what you are saying:
1. Dude is, in your words, "a narcissist".
2. He is unemployed. That may not make him into a deadbeat but you haven't posted anything to show he's worth much (like, does he clean house and cook? Is he pursuing any kind of career? Maybe an artist or writer or something? Does he volunteer?)
3. He isn't exactly treating you in a loving way. Bringing you a sandwich every now and again plus hanging around for a convo every once in a while doesn't scream LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!! You seem to be asking if it is. The answer is no. If he had feelings and he was mature enough to be a good potential partner he wouldn't have taken you down this road in the first place, and if he was but he somehow ended up doing it out if sheer loneliness he'd be trying to fix the situation as quickly as possible by leaving his girlfriend so he could be with you. He's not doing any of that. He's playing games, seemingly trying to get caught. Even if it's on a subconscious level, that's ultra passive aggressive, and he'd just do that to you one day if you ended up with him.
Basically, he sounds like an immature deadbeat with some charm to his personality that allows him to reel in ladies.
I know that because his girlfriend is mean to him it makes it seem like she's a beyotch and he's a victim, but the thing is one doesn't automatically mean the other. She can be a beyotch AND he can be worthless. Or, maybe her way of dealing with him is backwards but there could be very good reasons she resents him so much. Maybe she was you a long time ago... meeting some nice guy who seemed to need her, getting attached to him, only to find out he's a passive-aggressive, unmotivated, leech when it all comes down to it. LOL
Or not. All I know is he doesn't sound like someone you would want to build with. He's not handling any of this well. And at 47 you really should know this stuff already. This is the kind of foolishness girls in their 20s get themselves into. I would ask myself why I am so willing to put myself in this situation in the first place.
Believe it or not I'm not trying to judge you. I am, however, trying to give you some straight talk. You really seem like you need to get snapped out of your bubble. I hope you get something out of it.
I think you're trying to justify sleeping with him by mentioning that he and his girlfriend don't have sex. So what? If no one's eating the cookies, they still don't belong to you, and it doesn't mean that they're any good.
I think you're both lonely, and that's the foundation of your poorly built "relationship." Get out of other people's dysfunctional relationships, and stop assuming that because it's already messed up you can't screw it up any further. You can. You will. You already have.
I am a strong believer in distancing myself from situations like that, because they don't get better. I have my own messed up life. Why do I need to take on others problems? He does seem like a loser, but you seem like one too. Someone confided in you and regardless of her poor intentions, you don't go meddling in it.
Have you thought about going on The Jerry Springer show? Damn I'm out of pop corn. Someone post something quick so I can make another bowl. This has been the most amusing thing I've read all morning.
What? Are you out of your mind? The guy is a barely working "eccentric". Besides the sex, what else does he really bring to the table? Obviously a huge ding dong and lots of charisma to have both you and your high fallutin' neighbor within arm's reach. What great luck...for him.
You're too old to be, as others have said, playing with such fire. Of course, he's going to "spill the beans" about how "bad" his relationship is. Of course, they don't have sex. Of course, he's gonna tell you that you're this light to his darkness. Obviously it worked because you slept with him without question. Haven't you heard all of this before? You think it's not a "booty call"/"homewrecker"/etc. situation, but it is ... just different people. Put your parts on ice, tell him no thanks, go about your business, and find someone else. You're setting yourself up for misery. Maybe if you're preoccupied, you wouldn't be so available.
Also, I question your friendship. You paint your "friend" as in a rather derogatory way (while attempting to be neutral), while falling hook line and sinker for what her boyfriend feeds you. Come clean, honey. You scoped out her boyfriend and obviously you have zero regard for her whatsoever to be continuing to mess around with her shiftless man. It'd be best if she dropped you as a friend.
Wow - yes first time poster because this is something I've obviously never been through before. Doesn't it make sense that people don't post questions in which they are NOT CONFUSED. I'm not a troll and won't be posting here again. I wasn't expecting a ton of sympathy just someone who could relate.
And as for the person who called her a gold digger - your comprehension skills need improvement. He is unemployed and she's been supporting him for years.
And seems like the standard stereotypes apply - I'm the bad person.
OMG, what a catch!! Honey, you need to get that stud on YOUR payroll!
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