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I am writing this because I have unfortunately been a victim of the grass is always greener mentality when it comes to dating. Coming from a desolate retirement community in SW Florida, I figured that when I moved to the city things would magically become easier given the increased selection of people and personality types to work with. I now realize that no matter where I am, the cards I'm dealt will be relatively the same. I'm sure it sounds like I am taking the victim stance, but I'm beginning to think that people with my personality type are not cut out for dating, period.
One problem I think is the age group I'm dealing with. Not to sound elitist, but the majority of women in their late teens/early twenties don't seem to conduct themselves with the same collected, mature demeanor that women in their late thirties/early forties (which I see as the desirable age range) do. There is a level of the "been there done that mentality," that women of this age range possess that younger women do not. More of them are past the "proving themselves," phase and are more focused on things that matter more in life, rather than trivialities. They are more civilly engaged and less concerned with the joneses. (I am obviously speaking in general terms, obviously you will have different types of people at every age).
It is frustrating that there is still so much emphasis placed on the alpha male/dominance dynamic in college. You could argue this point all you want, but it's still the same. There are other forums of it that emerge, like intellectual pretentiousness and arrogance, sanctimonious attitudes, etc, but the basic concept that the more outspoken, abrasive domineering personalities receive more attention still holds true.
For example, my roommate is one of the most arrogant elitists I have ever met. He is a metrosexual to a T which is evident by the meticulous way he parts his hair to one side every morning, the oversized wide rimmed glasses he wears, as well as the absurdly decadent high socks he wears to class every morning. I guess you could say he fits the hipster persona but in reality he is just an obnoxious braggart and elitist for no reason. I've quoted him saying things like: "There are a lot of important people in my family," "I grew up eating the best food," "Only locals like myself know where to go," etc, etc. Anyway, women are quite attracted to him and in fact he has a long term girlfriend who is at Duke right now. I don't mean to bore you with trivial detail but my point is that success with women at a young age (simply put), goes like this:
The more you act like an arrogant prick, the more women you will attract.
The social media phenomenon does not help things out either. At all hours of the day, I am now bombarded with hearing things like: "Did you hear what Kimmy did at the party last night?" and "I thought she looked kind of fat in that dress last night," etc. Yes men blabber about social media as well but I am talking about my dating issues, and I am not homosexual, so I will focus on women. The overall "one-up," mentality takes over and I am given the fine treatment of hearing people brag about their parties/concerts/relationships/etc, with the supposed intent of demonstrating how superior one's life is. Attractive women at my particular school are blatantly aware of it and conduct themselves accordingly. There have been several times when I've been in the middle of talking with someone and they would take the phone out and stare at it for no reason. I almost feel as if attractive women here would rather spit on the ground at the less elite and hang on to their baseball playing boyfriends than anything else.
It's hard to find middle ground between ostentatious, elitist women and overly eccentric counter culture types. I am pretty introverted and don't care to branch out when I will either be greeted with someone staring at their phone or talking about radical feminist ideals. This seems like an overstatement, but here in Seattle there is a pretty clear divide when it comes to women. I love this city, but I have no clue when the hell I will even remotely have any success with the dating scene.
Ready for my roasting now.
EDIT: Info about me: I am pretty normal looking. Don't have any psychical deficiencies that I know of, although I'm a tad short (5'8). I'm a bit on the skinny side, but not emaciated or anything. That being said, I don't know why my dating success has been such a dud.
OP You are always going to find that the pickings are slim whatever your age. You just have to pick through the junk to find the gems. It was the same when I was dating. Couldn't find a mature woman. Most women just wanted to party, have fun etc. Then I found her, and married her in a big hurry. We're still here and happy 37 years later.
Finding people like this is hard. Try making friends, building friendships, and then some day some guy will introduce you to his sister or cousin. Be a nice friendly kind person, and you'll make friends. I'm still friendly and smile, in the store, in the check out line and some women still hit on me, and I'm sixty. It's happened twice this year. Not bad for a married guy. (I never flirt back.)
I would like to point out that you are making the same "grass is greener" mistake with thinking older women are "better" than younger women. As one of the "mature demeanor that women in their late thirties/early forties" I would love to agree with you OP, but I don't. When I was in my 20s, I wasn't like the 20-somethings you are describing at all... in a lot of ways, I am still the same. So don't give up on the 20-somethings just yet.
I really can't tell from your post, but it sounds like (from what you said and the thread title) that you are trying to find women in clubs, bars, etc (the single scene). I don't think you will find the type of woman you are looking for there. You need to look at places were younger women who don't need to prove themselves are. I honestly don't know where that would be since I am not in your city and not in that age range. But when I was in my 20s, I was studious. I liked to volunteer at archeology sites and participate in community service. Might be a place to start looking (but pick organizations and volunteer work that interest you too--that way you have something in common).
What do you like to do? I'm sure your school has clubs/organizations with like minded people.
I went to a meeting for a student run newspaper, and also have made an effort to partake in student radio. I guess these activities lack a central meeting time and whatnot, but to be quite honest with you I don't care for the "social safety net" programs at my school. They seem very infantile.
I'm a little confused. Are you basically saying you're a college-aged guy who is interested in "mature" women (such as women in their 40s)? If so, I have news for you, those women are just as immature as college-aged women, they're just not as obvious. They may not gossip about the same things that young women do, but they still gossip. They still buy People magazine and read about celebrities. They're still vain about their appearance. They still get upset about the same things that you probably find irrelevant. And, yes, before women start yelling and screeching, men are no better.
The other thing is that your own OP is pretty hypocritical. Here you are talking about this roommate of yours who is pretentious and yet you're discussing his "decadent" socks and his "obnoxious" glasses. Did Vanity Fair hire you yet? If not, why not?
Anyways, if you want to meet down-to-earth women, probably skip places like Seattle or San Francisco or New York City. That's why you think everyone is pretentious.
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