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Listen, I came to this country - Virginia - in 2007 with bad English skills, no American degree, no working history, no connections, nothing.
I didn't even know all the resources out there to get help to get a job. I spent day and night in the internet to apply for jobs, knocked on doors, just showed up at some businesses to apply in person and guess what - I found one within 3 months. Not paid well, but it was a start. Kept looking for better jobs while working on the low paid jobs, made connections. Worked my way up.
So people who are looking for a year and can't find ANYTHING don't get any empathy from me.
if a woman is diligently searching for a job and is taking care of everything in the house and outside the house as well astaking care of her man.. Can you see Value in this?
Yes, there is value in this. But the agreement was to find a job within a year. You didn't look hard enough because you got too comfy at home.
Kicking you out = okay
Putting hands on you = NOT okay
i do intend to pay him back some money because I do see value in him abd in his efforts.
I don't see how he could be of ANY more value in that relationship than you were youllneverguess, you don't owe him a dime...fact, I think HE should be paying YOU just for being the great big aasssss that he is.
If you ask me, the very, very ungrateful man got the waaaay better deal out of that arrangement..I think HE used her more than she him, though I wouldn't call what she did "using"...she more than paid for her keep....above and beyond...you were blindsided all right...by his LACK of family dynamics.
Last edited by purehuman; 10-11-2013 at 05:11 PM..
It sounds like you both definitely learned from this experience. Just because you take care of someone's home and provide them sex, it doesn't automatically make you "even." You're not married, and there is no mention that this would be your agreement. You gave this to him in hopes that it would make you even but for some people, working for two gets really exhausting after a while. I'm not sure how much he makes (or if that matters) but as someone eloquently mentioned, that's what you get for letting money rule a relationship.
And things change. A year (especially in the beginning of a relationship) is a LONG time. Maybe it wasn't just the money. Maybe he grew tired of excuses you made. Maybe he just grew tired of you. And the combination of that and not contributing to the relationship monetarily was the breaking point for him.
Keeping a house in order is really important (I think it is), but to him it wasn't. Move on.
Essentially you allowed yourself to be used. All of the work had financial value, but not the sex. You have no recourse. Next time, keep love and work in separate places.
Don't work for free unless you're officially a volunteer.
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