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first of all, you've avoided talking to him about this- not healthy, avoidance turns into manipulation, and appeasement...
3 ways to approach this(based on history of how women approached me)
1 direct- hit him head on, tell him exactly what/how you feel-then leave for a while
2 wait til you are in the midst of pms hell- then verbally rip his nuts off, tell him how this shyt makes you feel
3. ask him,,,,if i won the lottery, would he expect half?? or is it "my" money to spend on whatever gifts I want...even if you are hurting??
lol that's funny.
I didn't get the impression that she's avoided talking to him about this though, I got the total opposite impression....but then again, I'm off today.
Once I tried to discuss our making a budget...LOL.
I can now add up all of my expenses, pay those bills and put the rest in savings. He puts a lot in savings and has his ducks in a row for his retirement. He thinks that's enough. I'm still stressing out.
Maybe it's my problem.
re: the bolded, Why exactly if he's saving a lot? I'm confused after reading more of your posts.
Do you have separate accounts and have no idea of each other's money? How do the bills and expenses get paid? It all sounds very odd.
It sounds like you simply have a problem with the fact that he buys too much stuff, as opposed to having an actual financial issue? And you sound resentful that you're working on the weekend and he isn't - whose decision was it? Is money 'for Christmas' supposed to be just your responsibility or does he contribute equally? It's really unclear how your household is functioning, just that there's a lot of resentment on your part, and it's not clear whether it's justified.
Yes our finances are both separate and shared. It is very odd.
We once had a joint savings account that I started so we could theoretically use it for vacations but I let him have it recently and he didn't give it back like he said he would. It was a temporary loan. Darn, I'd forgotten about it till you reminded me. It probably got blended with the general fund and is long gone.
The extra money is my spending money for Christmas. I don't ask him for an allowance. I'm glad he's having a nice weekend. He needed to get away. I'm not resentful because i would have cooked up another excuse not to go, if I didn't need to work.
I'm just wary because I sense a new project cooking in his tone of voice. We already have a ton of crap in the shed from the last series of projects he got tired of. And a telescope.
I'm just wary because I sense a new project cooking in his tone of voice. We already have a ton of crap in the shed from the last series of projects he got tired of. And a telescope.
Honestly, if he's saving enough, maybe you should just let him enjoy his toys/projects (even if he doesn't use them). It's just entertainment and people need that. Work and life is stressful.
Honestly, if he's saving enough, maybe you should just let him enjoy his toys/projects (even if he doesn't use them). It's just entertainment and people need that. Work and life is stressful.
Typically that's what I do. I'm just feeling out of sorts and want some control over the situation. Not total control, mind you, but a general budget and some communication about where some of our extra money goes.
Typically that's what I do. I'm just feeling out of sorts and want some control over the situation. Not total control, mind you, but a general budget and some communication about where some of our extra money goes.
Be happy that he saves, girl! A lot of spenders just go nutz and never save.
Typically that's what I do. I'm just feeling out of sorts and want some control over the situation. Not total control, mind you, but a general budget and some communication about where some of our extra money goes.
Okay, again, I'm not getting it. Is it our money, or is it his money?
How exactly do you guys manage your accounts? Who pays for what?
In order to make it work in a marriage you either need to a) each contribute to a joint fund that covers all expenses and savings, and then use the leftover for personal spending, or b) have a joint account where you pool all the money together, agree on a certain limit for personal spending, and discuss any large purchases beyond that. If you agree to an option like a), you shouldn't care what he's spending the 'leftover' money on as long as the expenses and savings are all covered.
What exactly is it that you're afraid of? Ending up broke? Do you have control over your salary? What does it go towards? What does his go towards?
I'm sensing some control issues here. Seems that OP is upset because she has no control over what her husband buys which seems to be what I'm getting from all of this.
If you guys are doing fine financially, bills are being paid, money is being saved etc.....then what's the problem? So he likes to buy gadgets and gizmos online. Big deal! Would it still be a big deal if he had a hobby that required him to make purchases here and there? What if he were into model trains and he regularly bought items for his collection? Would that bother you too? Do you want him to come and ask your permission every time he needs to make a purchase?
Do you ever make purchases without consulting him?
I'm confused too. Are you resentful that he has more money to buy extras than you do? Maybe you are resentful that you don't see exactly where his money goes? I think in a fair marriage, each person thinks of the money as OUR money. So if he makes twice the money you do, that doesn't mean he can spend the extra on whatever he wants. If you're married, then shouldn't you be planning and saving for the future together? I don't think it's fair for the other person to sit around all day and make demands on the other person's money, but if both both people are working and contributing, then I think you should both have a say in it. To me, that's what separates a spouse from being a roommate.
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