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Men tell each other, by way of consolation regarding failure in dating and pursuit of relationships, that first one needs to improve oneself and to steady one’s emotional structure. Then, and only then, is it possible to legitimately pursue love-interests. “Happiness” per se isn’t the essential problem, because some persons are of a melancholy nature and others are indefatigably effusive. Rather, the operative term would be “contentment”, or perhaps “satisfaction”. One needs to be satisfied with one’s person and not suffering from self-imposed contempt for this or that detriment. But there is also a contradiction: one has to have enough circumspection to warrant further improvement and to eschew the condescending arrogance that stems from too much self-confidence.
The broader question of whether it is possible to be happy alone, depends strongly on one’s social circle. This, I think, is the one area where women emphatically DO have a substantial advantage in dating. The reason is:
Quote:
Originally Posted by fleetiebelle
... women in general have stronger support systems outside of romantic relationships than many men do.
And therefore women are in a stronger position in the "negotiation" phase of a relationship. Consider for example the buying of a new car. You don't really need a new car, and aren't particularly enthused with this or that brand. But a good deal would be useful. Then you negotiate at the dealership from a position of strength. If however your daily-driver just broke down and you need family transportation for a vacation this weekend, your position of negotiation is weak; the salesman has the upper hand.
Quote:
Originally Posted by crabman1
I've never heard a man talk about or even imply that he needs an "emotional support system" nor do I know a friendless man with no family while I do know many who get support from those people in the same way that a woman would. The idea that men in general don't is just plain silly.
Consider me as a counterexample to pretty much every statement in the above quote.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
People often confuse being single with being alone. Two very different things.
By "single" do we mean not merely not associated with a stable relationship, but completely without intimate interaction with women (however innocent); as in, sitting in a cave in Afghanistan? Or does "single" mean "no wife or live-in girlfriend"? Men who assert complete satisfaction being "single" tend to have all sorts of contact with women - just not in a formally recognized manner.
Originally Posted by crabman1 I've never heard a man talk about or even imply that he needs an "emotional support system" nor do I know a friendless man with no family while I do know many who get support from those people in the same way that a woman would. The idea that men in general don't is just plain silly.
My experience is that this varies a lot by region and subculture.
In the parts of the US I am most familiar with, the norm is that men get almost all of their needs for friendship and emotional closeness from their partners -- and if they don't have a partner they are up the creek.
But I am aware that in some other subcultures (I think of this particularly in the midwest, but Ohio_Peasant might say no), the custom is for men to have several close male friends who they see often.
I think this is a major first step, for men empowering themselves in the social movement that people in other threads have been saying we need. I think men could consciously choose to be better friends for each other (and that would result in women finding them more attractive).
Plus, you know, the guys would just be happier whether in or out of a relationship .
In the parts of the US I am most familiar with, the norm is that men get almost all of their needs for friendship and emotional closeness from their partners -- and if they don't have a partner they are up the creek.
But I am aware that in some other subcultures (I think of this particularly in the midwest, but Ohio_Peasant might say no), the custom is for men to have several close male friends who they see often.
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And even if they see each other often many times guys just don't talk to each other like women tend to. A guy may tell his buddy who just got dumped to go out and get laid, but doesn't ask him how he's feeling about the breakup. A few years ago the good friend of a guy I was dating lost his job, and my ex was doing something-or-other with him. Next time I talked to the ex I asked, "how's Dave? Is he okay about the layoff?" He says, "I dunno, it never came up." For most women it's unfathomable to spend 6 hours with someone and only talk about football.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,938 posts, read 36,940,305 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
My experience is that this varies a lot by region and subculture.
In the parts of the US I am most familiar with, the norm is that men get almost all of their needs for friendship and emotional closeness from their partners -- and if they don't have a partner they are up the creek.
But I am aware that in some other subcultures (I think of this particularly in the midwest, but Ohio_Peasant might say no), the custom is for men to have several close male friends who they see often.
I think this is a major first step, for men empowering themselves in the social movement that people in other threads have been saying we need. I think men could consciously choose to be better friends for each other (and that would result in women finding them more attractive).
Plus, you know, the guys would just be happier whether in or out of a relationship .
I don't have a lot of close male friends. A couple. But instead I have female friends. You're not going to get men to change how they are with men. So just have more female friends so even when you're not dating there is that type of support system. Simple, really.
Im trying to do it and its very hard, but being happy enough strong enough should be the best way to be BEFORE starting a relationship. I wouldnt know cause i ve always been in long term relationships, before being in a good place or having a strong emotional network or being satified in my life, i ve just always been in relationship.
And even if they see each other often many times guys just don't talk to each other like women tend to. A guy may tell his buddy who just got dumped to go out and get laid, but doesn't ask him how he's feeling about the breakup. A few years ago the good friend of a guy I was dating lost his job, and my ex was doing something-or-other with him. Next time I talked to the ex I asked, "how's Dave? Is he okay about the layoff?" He says, "I dunno, it never came up." For most women it's unfathomable to spend 6 hours with someone and only talk about football.
Dont assume this.
I had a conversation with someones wife once.
She: "Guys never talk about anything but cards and football."
Me: "Me and your husband talk about all kinds of stuff."
She: "Most guys don't."
Not sure where some people get such ideas. Granted, some guys meet up, play cards, talk about sportz and the stock market.
But most guys I know have a least a couple other guys they talk about all kinds of stuff with.
Dont assume this.
I had a conversation with someones wife once.
She: "Guys never talk about anything but cards and football."
Me: "Me and your husband talk about all kinds of stuff."
She: "Most guys don't."
Not sure where some people get such ideas. Granted, some guys meet up, play cards, talk about sportz and the stock market.
But most guys I know have a least a couple other guys they talk about all kinds of stuff with.
I have a lot of close male and female friends. I can think of about 6 or 7 guy friends I could talk to about depressing stuff like a break up with a gf, work issues, etc. Really though I don't have too many personal issues but have. I have a few girls as well I could talk to.
My friends are very cool normak typical guys but everyone needs real friends they can talk to sometimes.
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