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Old 10-21-2013, 12:57 PM
 
Location: The West
349 posts, read 358,498 times
Reputation: 180

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I'm 20 years old and I'm seeking some major help.

All throughout my teens up until now, I have never really been able to interact with the strange creature known as the woman. For some reason, I can't keep or start a conversation with girls or get them to show any interest in me. It's very frustrating since recently, I've been coming out of my shell and interacting more.

First off, I'm generally quiet and introverted, so this may play a part. I prefer to be by myself, but I do enjoy going out and do have friends. I like to socialize with others, but my interests as vastly different from 99% of females... I enjoy video games, politics, wrestling, cycling and working out LOL.. Yeap, not many females interested in that..

When talking to girls, I instantly struggle. I cannot for the life of me hold a conversation or even start one. Everything just becomes awkward after a while. If I do, I come off as boring or uninteresting, or just as a "Friend". I see guys make girls laugh and have girls enjoy their company all the time, but I just don't know how... It also doesn't help that a lot of females are quiet and leave it up to the ugy to initiate everything. I struggle with social anxiety also.. Before it was severe but now it's OK, however I can still feel the effects, espeically when talking to girls.

I just want to know where I can meet girls and how to socialize with them.. I'm going to start going to clubs and bars with my friends.. Could this be a place with lots of females? I have gotten better with practice over the past year and I am somewhat confident in my abilities, I just never have any girls to talk too!
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Old 10-21-2013, 01:02 PM
 
35,324 posts, read 25,158,624 times
Reputation: 32409
First, I think you'll find that there are plenty of women into exercise and politics. Lots. I was members of many political causes during undergrad and indeed grad school and there was plenty of female participation, often over 50%. Same with looking around at who runs and are in crossfit classes or gyms. Tons of females. So, get that notion out of your head.

I think you may not do well at bars/clubs due to the social anxiety (well, maybe the beer will loosen you up (next year when you're 21!)), but why not what I mentioned? Political causes/clubs with women involved. It gives you something in common to speak about as you're both there with a purpose. Are you in school? There should be tons of opportunities.
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Old 10-21-2013, 01:10 PM
 
22,769 posts, read 26,205,362 times
Reputation: 14558
Quote:
Originally Posted by MyronHarpoons View Post
I'm 20 years old

I cannot for the life of me hold a conversation or even start one.

I see guys make girls laugh and have girls enjoy their company all the time, but I just don't know how

I just want to know where I can meet girls and how to socialize with them.. I'm going to start going to clubs and bars with my friends.. Could this be a place with lots of females? I have gotten better with practice over the past year and I am somewhat confident in my abilities, I just never have any girls to talk too!
if i had to go back in time and give advice to the younger me, it would be to learn early on to watch what works for other guys, and then do that and don't feel bad about it.
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Old 10-21-2013, 01:12 PM
 
2,087 posts, read 2,366,120 times
Reputation: 1527
The suggestions that I have won't help you get women per se (in a PUA sort of way), but they will help you I believe in the long run.

First off, get out and socialize as much as you can. The more you socialize, the more women you'll meet. That much is obvious. You can get some interests which cater to women and a broader range of people in general, but it's not necessary. Nor will it help as much as you think.

The most important thing to realize at your age (and I may get flamed for saying this) is that physical attraction is very important to most women. So, just like you are likely not interested in women who aren't physically attractive to you, they are the same. When you approach women, approach them in that way. Don't take rejection personally. You may meet a woman you click with in every possible way over 9 months and she rejects you, and then 2 weeks later meet a woman, and after 30 minutes, you are making out and she wants to be your girlfriend. I think it's VERY important to realize things work like this. Basically, the idea is to let your interest be known very early.

Also, don't be too hard on yourself. Yes, improve yourself, but don't heap all the blame on your shoulders. It's largely a numbers game for men who aren't 'off-the-bat' attractive to women types. Approach it in that way and I think you'll avoid the fate of the bitter, twisted troll people love to throw rotten tomatoes at.

Also, for what it's worth, I think bars and clubs are absolutely, bar-none the worst venue for guys like you to meet a woman. Online dating and meetups are much better.
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Old 10-21-2013, 01:14 PM
 
6,756 posts, read 8,310,068 times
Reputation: 6787
Try to get used to the idea that women are not 'strange creatures'. They are just like men, except they wear different clothes and perfume and makeup and have been subjected to different social conditioning.

I know, it's hard to accept.

But once you do accept this, and have some female friends who you like a lot but are not attracted to, dating will become easy. You just gotta do those two things.
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Old 10-21-2013, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Viña del Mar, Chile
16,411 posts, read 26,224,622 times
Reputation: 16496
Being bad a conversation is something that will affect you negatively in all aspects of your life, luckily it is something that can be learned quite easily. Some important things that help me in conversation is not giving a crap how I sound to others. So many people are so worried about being embarrassed or saying something stupid that it makes them nervous. Just stop thinking about it, say what comes to your head, ask about other people and try to make connections with them. Ask questions, but try not to make it an interview. Listen to what the other person is saying and comment about it, talk about yourself too. It's not a bad thing to talk about yourself, but as the guy you should let the woman do more talking.

In regards to the bars/clubs. It's not really my style.. when I'm at a bar I usually just talk to my friends and don't really notice anyone outside of my table. You can meet a great person anywhere, although you might also try considering meeting women in places that are your hobbies. IE if you are a weightlifter, meet a woman at the gym.
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Old 10-21-2013, 01:23 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 5,716,275 times
Reputation: 11933
Myron you are 20.

Still a virtual baby in the dating world. Ease up. Statistics say you will NOT die a virgin.

Treat everyone you meet the same, male or female, young or old. If you respect and appear interested in others (rather than constantly dwelling on yourself), no matter if you want to shag them or not, the universe will provide some friendly, responsive female attention right back.

Friendly engaging interesting people attract friendly engaging interesting people. But usually not at age 20 when everyone's an immature and self obsessed idiot from what I can tell (I include myself in that).
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Old 10-21-2013, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,757 posts, read 33,954,615 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
In regards to the bars/clubs. It's not really my style.. when I'm at a bar I usually just talk to my friends and don't really notice anyone outside of my table. You can meet a great person anywhere, although you might also try considering meeting women in places that are your hobbies. IE if you are a weightlifter, meet a woman at the gym.
Those are great suggestions, but I will say this: I have been lifting weights in gyms for many years, and I have seen many attractive women who lift. But I have never seen a woman at a gym who is interested in meeting anyone while there, however.
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Old 10-21-2013, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Center of the universe
24,757 posts, read 33,954,615 times
Reputation: 11780
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
Try to get used to the idea that women are not 'strange creatures'. They are just like men, except they wear different clothes and perfume and makeup and have been subjected to different social conditioning.

I know, it's hard to accept.

But once you do accept this, and have some female friends who you like a lot but are not attracted to, dating will become easy. You just gotta do those two things.
I don't think this makes much sense. On one level, yes, women are a lot like men. And it is very easy to befriend women. Even I, a notorious failure with females, had and has many female friends.

But for some guys, getting from friend to romantic partner is an impossible leap.
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Old 10-21-2013, 01:38 PM
 
Location: The West
349 posts, read 358,498 times
Reputation: 180
Thanks for the replies.. I can get what you guys are saying about clubs and bars. As I have never been before, I don't think going once or twice can hurt.

The thing with online dating is that since the ratio of men to females is very high, you pretty much have to be the most attractive guy on the site to get replies..

What are the chances of me striking up a convo with a random girl when I'm at the movies or shopping? How do I know or get a clue that A girl is interested or checking me out?
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