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I'm 29 years of age, gay and single and always have been. That's right....I never had a single relationship in my life....no boyfriend, nothing. I've met and dated LOTS of other guys over the years, but nothing ever materialized. I seem to always have bad luck and end up with losers. I don't know if it's just me finding something wrong with every guy I meet, but I couldn't picture myself being with any one of them for the long term, so I figured, why waste each others' time? My friends and family think I'm picky, but I think it's fair to reject someone because I'm not attracted to them sexually, or maybe they do drugs, are way out of my age range, etc. I don't know....I think these are all legit reasons, but whatever. Maybe my expectations are unrealistic? Maybe not?
I am a very introverted person who enjoys spending the vast majority of my time alone. I don't really like or care to have people visit me too often. And when I start dating someone, I start to feel like it's taking up my personal time and space, since I'm always very focused on my self (career, health, leisure, etc.).
But at the same time, it gets boring and lonely at times and would be nice if I had a relationship....I think. I don't know. Whenever I tell other guys that I've never had a single relationship in my life, they think I'm lying.
Again....29 years of age and not a single relationship ever, even though I have a LOT of good qualities. My mother and grandmother have occasionally told me that I'm better off being single, since I'm very anal and a clean freak and can't stand when people change things or play with things in my apartment.
It's a conflicting philosophy though. And I still continuously make efforts to meet other guys, even if just for sexual intimacy. And strangely, I tend to get jealous inside when I see others who are happily married or in happy relationships.
What is your take on my situation? I just can't get a grip on what's going on. I may actually see a therapist about it soon.
It's easy for a gay man to be single because they can basically get laid whenever they want providing they live in a large city. I think you would find a ton of strait men doing the same thing as you if women were as eager to have NSA sex as men. A lot of strait men are only in relationships because they can't handle not having sex for extended periods of time. As long as your happy who cares. If you don't plan on ever having a family then their is no rush on meeting MR. Right. I think you'll find committed relationships will present themselves more as you enter your 30's.
It's easy for a gay man to be single because they can basically get laid whenever they want providing they live in a large city. I think you would find a ton of strait men doing the same thing as you if women were as eager to have NSA sex as men. A lot of strait men are only in relationships because they can't handle not having sex for extended periods of time. As long as your happy who cares. If you don't plan on ever having a family then their is no rush on meeting MR. Right. I think you'll find committed relationships will present themselves more as you enter your 30's.
Alright, well we'll see what happens throughout my 30's then. And I don't live in a large city, nor do I want to. Been there, done that. City life isn't for me.
I'm 29 years of age, gay and single and always have been. That's right....I never had a single relationship in my life....no boyfriend, nothing. I've met and dated LOTS of other guys over the years, but nothing ever materialized. I seem to always have bad luck and end up with losers. I don't know if it's just me finding something wrong with every guy I meet, but I couldn't picture myself being with any one of them for the long term, so I figured, why waste each others' time? My friends and family think I'm picky, but I think it's fair to reject someone because I'm not attracted to them sexually, or maybe they do drugs, are way out of my age range, etc. I don't know....I think these are all legit reasons, but whatever. Maybe my expectations are unrealistic? Maybe not?
I am a very introverted person who enjoys spending the vast majority of my time alone. I don't really like or care to have people visit me too often. And when I start dating someone, I start to feel like it's taking up my personal time and space, since I'm always very focused on my self (career, health, leisure, etc.).
But at the same time, it gets boring and lonely at times and would be nice if I had a relationship....I think. I don't know. Whenever I tell other guys that I've never had a single relationship in my life, they think I'm lying.
Again....29 years of age and not a single relationship ever, even though I have a LOT of good qualities. My mother and grandmother have occasionally told me that I'm better off being single, since I'm very anal and a clean freak and can't stand when people change things or play with things in my apartment.
It's a conflicting philosophy though. And I still continuously make efforts to meet other guys, even if just for sexual intimacy. And strangely, I tend to get jealous inside when I see others who are happily married or in happy relationships.
What is your take on my situation? I just can't get a grip on what's going on. I may actually see a therapist about it soon.
I think you will do great for someone who is like minded. You said you are introverted and like to spend a lot of time alone, and that quality is difficult to grasp for someone who is extroverted.
There's nothing wrong with having standards, but did you give these men enough time to really understand who they are? Sometimes, our original thoughts of someone change completely when we open up and take more time with them. Not all things are perfect as soon as we enter them, so that might be something to consider. Of course, there are certain things you can't overlook (someone doing heavy drugs or you can't have a decent conversation with them).
I meet a lot of people with good qualities, but it doesn't matter if you can't either A. find someone who's on your wavelength or B. lower your standards a bit to welcome others into your life. In fact, I've met some spectacular people who just never had a relationship. They wanted one and were always open to one, but it just didn't happen for them. Maybe the timing was off.
As an introvert, it might be difficult finding someone, because they feel you are brushing them off when in fact, you're just being who you are! Sometimes, you need to tell people, "Hey, I like to spend a lot of time alone." I have met a lot of people who think it's weird, but I've met the love of my life by just being straightforward. So I have a person who not only understands who I am, but they like some alone time too! My best friend struggled with this for years when I lived with him. I spent a lot of time in my room reading, and he would think I hated him... nope, just enjoying some good old "me time!"
Finally, do you feel you might have issues committing to someone or opening up more? Someone dating you might feel this "barrier" when getting to know you, and it might cause them to be disinterested if they don't feel like you're opening up after a while.
I think you will do great for someone who is like minded. You said you are introverted and like to spend a lot of time alone, and that quality is difficult to grasp for someone who is extroverted.
There's nothing wrong with having standards, but did you give these men enough time to really understand who they are? Sometimes, our original thoughts of someone change completely when we open up and take more time with them. Not all things are perfect as soon as we enter them, so that might be something to consider. Of course, there are certain things you can't overlook (someone doing heavy drugs or you can't have a decent conversation with them).
I meet a lot of people with good qualities, but it doesn't matter if you can't either A. find someone who's on your wavelength or B. lower your standards a bit to welcome others into your life. In fact, I've met some spectacular people who just never had a relationship. They wanted one and were always open to one, but it just didn't happen for them. Maybe the timing was off.
As an introvert, it might be difficult finding someone, because they feel you are brushing them off when in fact, you're just being who you are! Sometimes, you need to tell people, "Hey, I like to spend a lot of time alone." I have met a lot of people who think it's weird, but I've met the love of my life by just being straightforward. So I have a person who not only understands who I am, but they like some alone time too! My best friend struggled with this for years when I lived with him. I spent a lot of time in my room reading, and he would think I hated him... nope, just enjoying some good old "me time!"
Finally, do you feel you might have issues committing to someone or opening up more? Someone dating you might feel this "barrier" when getting to know you, and it might cause them to be disinterested if they don't feel like you're opening up after a while.
Well yeah, it would be a major life change if I had to enter the world of commitment. Not sure if I could handle such a transition. I'd feel like I left myself and my pursuits behind, just to give attention to another person. I also like to have sexual relations with numerous other men.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nep321
Well yeah, it would be a major life change if I had to enter the world of commitment. Not sure if I could handle such a transition. I'd feel like I left myself and my pursuits behind, just to give attention to another person. I also like to have sexual relations with numerous other men.
So don't worry about it. There is no reason you have to be in a relationship now or ever.
Then why do I get jealous when I see others in happy relationships?
Just because you feel a twinge of longing for something different doesn't mean there's anything wrong.
There are all kinds of relationships available to you. I know a number of couples who live separately but get together for dates and whatever intimacy they need. You don't have to live with someone to have a committed relationship.
When you meet a guy you like, let him know how you are early on. Don't overthink how and why you seem different than other people. Just be.
I think you will find that when you meet the right person, it will feel different.
There is nothing wrong with being introverted. The right person for a relationship will feel like they fit into your private space and time, and not intrude on it as your past dating has felt.
I suspect you just have not found a really good fit for you yet. This could just be bad luck, or it could be that you are still refining your knowledge of yourself and being able to translate that into identifying potential partners who would be a good fit.
I would not give up, but try not to dwell either. Enjoy your time as a single. Enjoy dating and meeting new people. If you feel at some point there is more chemistry, then pursue it!
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