He thinks we spend too much time together (male, friend, reason)

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by OdysseusNY

balance across the company? or specifically in the IT dept?

the huge gender imbalance in IT has been substantially documented in numerous studies

that said, i do agree it's not a sufficient reason for why the OP has exclusively male friends

In the IT department. In every single company.

[pacific2]

Originally Posted by aleecya

He works overnights and I work a day job, in addition we live together. At 6pm when I am walking in the door he is either just getting up or has been up for perhaps 2 hrs. I shower and change into comfy home clothes and then we have dinner ( some times we cook or order in) One major change he is now working overnights from home. He told me that we spend too much time together. He goes into work at 10pm and works until 7am so we have a few hours during the week to spend together. I am sleeping during those hours. On the weekends I usually will wake him up Saturday during the day by 2pm or 3pm. Now while he is sleeping saturday, I get errands done and have lunch with friends. Then Saturday we will go out to a movie or go to an event together. On sunday we go to church in the morning and play video games in the afternoon. I explained to him that we have so little time with our schedule being different, in addition he is a home body and has no friends while I have a wide circle of friends. He wants time to play on his computer and I have never restricted or demanded that he spend time with me. In addition, I give him my time to reassure him that I love him because he is so insecure and afraid that i will find someone else that is as outgoing and more sociable. If he has this fear now and I spend time with him, what will it be when I go off 3 times a week or spend the weekend with my friends without him. I am at a lost, because if I actually go out with my friends more often I think he is going to start thinking something is going on with my friends( they are all guys). One more thing I am in my 30's and he is 40. Thanks for your pearls of wisdom in advance

Are you really attracted to this guy, or is he just a charity case; a clingy bore; a comfortable and predictable old shoe? Are you sure you don't find your other male friends to be more interesting than your boyfriend?

[javajoe911]

Originally Posted by pacific2

Are you really attracted to this guy, or is he just a charity case; a clingy bore; a comfortable and predictable old shoe? Are you sure you don't find your other male friends to be more interesting than your boyfriend?

Exactly what I was thinking/wondering.

[OdysseusNY]

Originally Posted by ChessieMom

In the IT department. In every single company.

it's good that you happen to have worked in the exceptions to the general trend, but it's well known that women are underrepresented in every aspect of IT from development to desktop support to cutting edge research. addressing this is a very active topic in many academic and professional organizations. putting your point in bold doesn't change the facts

U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics show woman as less than 30% of "Computer and information systems managers" and ~26% for "Computer and mathematical occupations" in 2010

This paper describes the participation of women in computing in more than 30 countries[...]Generally, participation is low --- most countries fall in the 10-40% range with a few below 10% and a few above 40%

This article reports on the proportion of women who either have received degrees from or are on the faculty of computer science and engineering ("CS/CE") departments in the United States and Canada.

[houstan-dan]

If you aren't happy then leave. you ha5be different interests, different beliefs in how much time to spend together. Etc. Two things I find to be some critical important things in good relationships.

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[Raena77]

Homebodies need to date homebodies.

[Scottay]

Originally Posted by aleecya

my friends( they are all guys).

Going for away for a weekend with male friends is inappropriate if he's not going along with you.

[ellie]

Nothing wrong with having male friends. Period. If some of the forum don't like it, that's their problem.

Now, back to the OP: Sounds like your relationship has run its course and you're at a dead end.

Since your BF appears to be wanting to isolate even more than his schedule requires, I suspect he has other issues that will make it hard for you to maintain your relationship.

You may care for him, you may be comfortable and secure, but it ain't much of a relationship. If he's not getting enough alone time when he's alone all day, then what's bugging him is YOU.

The only caveat is if he's trying to be generous and he wants you to have a social life. Still it's not going to work if he's also jealous.

You're young. If neither of you are happy and there are no easy fixes, why not be smart and start over? Get a small place by yourself. Don't beat a dead horse. A good partner will want to be with you. Your BF is right. You won't have much trouble finding a replacement.

[Novadhd5150]

I would have an issue if my wife had only male friends, absolutely.
This relationship is in a dead end as far as I can tell. He sounds like a loser and you are around lot of other males.
The differant work schedules just exzacerbates it.

[houstan-dan]

Love this relative pic



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