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Old 10-26-2013, 08:26 PM
 
126 posts, read 281,578 times
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If any of you have had to deal with a parent or significant other that loves to use guilt trips to manipulate others, what have you learned to be the best way to stop their efforts dead in their tracks?

Walking away just turns it into a waiting game and wastes time.. Thier should be an assertive, polite, short response that makes them look a little foolish and stops their game right away.
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Old 10-26-2013, 08:29 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,247,428 times
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How about tell them it is none of their business what you do and how you live your life.
Works for me everytime.
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Old 10-26-2013, 08:39 PM
 
428 posts, read 364,880 times
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"Protect you and yours at all times"..."Never drop your guard"...AND always use the delete button.

~The man who KNOWS!!!
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Old 10-26-2013, 08:40 PM
Status: "Beach time!" (set 23 days ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,680 posts, read 11,090,025 times
Reputation: 13950
Going on a guilt trip is a choice you make. People may try to send you on one, but it's your choice to actually make the trip.

Guilt tripping is all about being able to stand your ground on an issue. If you don't see it the way the other person does, be polite, courteous and respectful (because presumably this is someone you care about) but be adamant about holding your position.
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Old 10-26-2013, 08:45 PM
 
6,756 posts, read 8,315,517 times
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Go deeper.

Look at what is behind their guilt trip, and address that.

For example, you could say, 'It seems like you are trying to tell me that you are hurt that I decided to spend thanksgiving with my gf.' Or whatever the issue is.

Make the conversation more real, and skip over the game playing. And that means you don't try to 'stop their efforts dead in their tracks' or 'make them look a little foolish'. If you do either of those, you are playing their game. Play no game at all.

Last edited by NilaJones; 10-26-2013 at 08:56 PM..
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Old 10-26-2013, 08:46 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,551,127 times
Reputation: 39866
Quote:
Originally Posted by John12341234 View Post
If any of you have had to deal with a parent or significant other that loves to use guilt trips to manipulate others, what have you learned to be the best way to stop their efforts dead in their tracks?

Walking away just turns it into a waiting game and wastes time.. Thier should be an assertive, polite, short response that makes them look a little foolish and stops their game right away.
There is.

You just smile big at them and change the subject to something completely different.

You have to shut this kind of thing down right away - simply refuse to engage, get it?
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Old 10-26-2013, 09:00 PM
 
126 posts, read 281,578 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
There is.

You just smile big at them and change the subject to something completely different.

You have to shut this kind of thing down right away - simply refuse to engage, get it?
It starts as a tiny poke from them in the form of some sort of self-pity comment that is passive-aggressively directed at you. What you say next is what I'm asking about.
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Old 10-26-2013, 09:02 PM
 
35,108 posts, read 40,247,428 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by John12341234 View Post
It starts as a tiny poke from them in the form of some sort of self-pity comment that is passive-aggressively directed at you. What you say next is what I'm asking about.
How about:

Well, bless your heart........then change the topic and move on or tell them it is not open for discussion or their opinion.
It is not as complicated and dramatic and you want to make it and the "guilt" part is on you not them since you are allowing the guilt to happen just from what they have spoken.
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Old 10-26-2013, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
43,281 posts, read 41,861,706 times
Reputation: 83154
Quote:
Originally Posted by John12341234 View Post
It starts as a tiny poke from them in the form of some sort of self-pity comment that is passive-aggressively directed at you. What you say next is what I'm asking about.
Immediately call them on it by saying, "What do you mean by that?"

Then if they play dumb, address their comment directly, by saying something like, "If you mean my love life, that's really none of your business." It's hard for us to offer actual responses without details, but ignoring this crap won't work.

Brave, unwavering directness will.
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Old 10-26-2013, 09:14 PM
Status: "Beach time!" (set 23 days ago)
 
Location: Fredericksburg/Virginia Beach, VA
10,680 posts, read 11,090,025 times
Reputation: 13950
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
How about:

Well, bless your heart........then change the topic and move on or tell them it is not open for discussion or their opinion.
It is not as complicated and dramatic and you want to make it and the "guilt" part is on you not them since you are allowing the guilt to happen just from what they have spoken.
This has been what I've done. My mom, bless her heart, has tried to guilt me into things from time to time and I simply brush it off. Funny thing is, when she just asks I usually agree. Or will at least discuss it in such a way that she'll know I have considered her side. But if she tries to guilt me, I simply ignore it. As if she didn't even bring it up.
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