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Old 10-29-2013, 06:10 AM
 
3,063 posts, read 3,263,965 times
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Have you ever dated someone, that friends/family did not think was attractive? The other day I was talking with a friend, about the guy that I'm talking to and she was just like "I'm sorry but I just don't think he is attractive. I mean that's your guy but he is not cute to me at all." The way she said it was in a tone that indicated that something was wrong with me for being attracted to him. I tried not to let it bother me, but then another friend, who was also in the conversation was like "He's only 26. He looks so old?"

LOL, now I tried to let their comments go. I mean, not everyone is going to be attracted to ever man I'm attracted to. However, this is the first time this type of situation has ever happened to me. The last guy I was in an LTR with, was a guy that 90% of my friends thought was attractive. So I never dealt with any negative comments about his looks--toward the end, the negative comments were about the way he treated me, never about his looks. And he pulled a lot of chicks too, so I knew that he was attractive--and that our attractiveness together as a couple was about equal(all his friends thought I was very attractive and he knew that everytime I went out I got hit on, and that for all intent and purposes I was an attractive woman by MOST people, and vice versus for him).

He was a pretty boy--which means that his looks were conventionally attractive.

I did date a guy that was not my type. And he was not conventionally attractive. But he was tall. He had a great personality, and he gave off this "good in bed" vibe, so even though people were not attracted to him upon first glance, most of my friends did at least admit that they'd want to sleep with him.

But with this current guy--I guess he isn't conventionally attractive like my ex, and doesn't have that "I'm good in bed" vibe, he also doesn't have "swag" that I think my friends are attracted to. So he's just this tall, reserved, quiet guy, that I guess is just "okay" looking--he's not ugly, not cute.

The thing about it, is that I'm not attracted to any of the guys my friends date. One friend is very overweight and only dates very tall, very thin men(lanky). Been there done that. I don't find that attractive, BUT I never told her that. She showed me a pic of the guy, I said "aw" and that was it. I kept my negative opinions to myself. Another one of my friends is dating a just about chubby tall guy(again not my type) who treats her like s***, and showed me a pic and I said "Aw you guys look cute together".

Another friend of mine, is dating a guy, that face wise I just don't think is attractive. But he is a nice guy... She's actually dated much more attractive men then him. And at one point me and her had identical taste(we both liked pretty boys), now we both have sort of diverged from that(for probably the same reason, got tired of the s***** treatment) and I have not found the guys she was attracted to, attractive. But I never said anything to her. I would just talk about how attractive her and the guy look together.

Notice that in neither situation, I kept negative comments to myself. And that's the way I've always been. I mean 90% of my friends have dated guys that I might not have found attractive and didn't understand why they found that particular guy attractive but I didn't come out and tell them, because I knew that they saw something in these guys and that was all that mattered.

I know that not everyone is like me and that some feel the need to comment, blatantly in anyway they can. But I just never experienced that, and it did bother me. It also started making me question whether or not this guy is just attractive to me, or if he is very unattractive since so many had negative things to same about his looks.

Granted, he is not the most attractive guy ever, and I realize that. But I was very attracted to him, so I didn't really care. That is until everyone started to allude to the same thing:that he is not very attractive.

So I guess my question is, have you ever been in a situation where no one thought the guy you liked was attractive? Or where you dated a guy that might not have been attractive as other men you've dated, and friends had nothing but negative things to say? Did it get to you? Did it influence the way you started to look at that guy?
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Old 10-29-2013, 06:19 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,944,891 times
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If you find him attractive, it should not make a difference what others think.
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Old 10-29-2013, 06:23 AM
 
Location: S. Florida
1,100 posts, read 3,007,839 times
Reputation: 1443
Yes, my sister and I have never found the men we dated and eventually married attractive. But hey, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. As long as YOU are attracted to him and YOU like the guy, and are happy, then that's all that matters.

I would tell your friends that you would appreciate it if they stopped with the negative comments ASAP! If they are true friends, they would respect you and stop with the negativity.
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Old 10-29-2013, 06:32 AM
 
Location: california
7,302 posts, read 6,891,719 times
Reputation: 9218
If you know your self well enough , you might do better not relying on the opinions of other women. Be true to whom YOU are not to what some one else is . you will be happier in the long run I believe.
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Old 10-29-2013, 06:48 AM
 
270 posts, read 966,418 times
Reputation: 202
I think it is a good thing when your friends don't find your guy attractive. It means they probably won't go after him behind your back.
If your friends say negative things about your guy, it depends on what they say. If they say he treats you poorly, then I'd listen. Stuff like looks is extremely subjective.
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Old 10-29-2013, 07:18 AM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,192 posts, read 25,116,307 times
Reputation: 22275
Doesn't bother me at all. My friends aren't the ones in the relationship - I am. I don't care if they find him attractive as long as I do. And true friends will understand that.
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Old 10-29-2013, 08:06 AM
 
3,670 posts, read 7,149,375 times
Reputation: 4269
i dont care if other people find him attractive...as long as i do. thats an odd thing for someone else to comment on anyway.
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Old 10-29-2013, 08:13 AM
 
Location: New Albany, IN
830 posts, read 1,662,731 times
Reputation: 1150
It would only bother me if they kept making fun of his appearance. I am quite aware that my taste in men is not like that of the other women I know.
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Old 10-29-2013, 09:58 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
10,203 posts, read 17,801,643 times
Reputation: 13913
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post
Have you ever dated someone, that friends/family did not think was attractive? The other day I was talking with a friend, about the guy that I'm talking to and she was just like "I'm sorry but I just don't think he is attractive. I mean that's your guy but he is not cute to me at all." The way she said it was in a tone that indicated that something was wrong with me for being attracted to him. I tried not to let it bother me, but then another friend, who was also in the conversation was like "He's only 26. He looks so old?"
I wouldn't know since none of my friends or family would ever say something so rude and tactless, even if they thought he wasn't attractive. If someone ever did, I would inform them, "You don't need to find him attractive, only I do." And then I'd probably hold that person at a distance from then on.

Quote:
I know that not everyone is like me and that some feel the need to comment, blatantly in anyway they can.
That's not an excuse for rudeness.

Quote:
It also started making me question whether or not this guy is just attractive to me, or if he is very unattractive since so many had negative things to same about his looks.

Granted, he is not the most attractive guy ever, and I realize that. But I was very attracted to him, so I didn't really care. That is until everyone started to allude to the same thing:that he is not very attractive.
So what? If you find him attractive, that's all that matters. Are you really so superficial that it would change how you see him knowing that most people found him unattractive? Have you considered how he would feel if he knew what you were thinking, if he read this topic?

Quote:
So I guess my question is, have you ever been in a situation where no one thought the guy you liked was attractive? Or where you dated a guy that might not have been attractive as other men you've dated, and friends had nothing but negative things to say? Did it get to you? Did it influence the way you started to look at that guy?
Like I say, none of my friends or family would ever be so rude or tactless to comment negatively on the appearance of the man I'm with. Even if they thought him unattractive, they would never say so, and they certainly wouldn't be so vain and superficial as to suggest there was something wrong with me for being attracted to him.

I think if I had found myself in this situation, it would make me seriously question what kind of people I've chosen to be in my life that they would behave in such a rude, inconsiderate, and superficial way, that they could not just be happy for me. In fact, I think that being able to look passed someone's physical appearance and be attracted to them for the person they are should be a quality that is valued and celebrated and instead, your friend(s?) are trying to make you feel ashamed. What kind of a friend is that?
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Old 10-29-2013, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,766,074 times
Reputation: 25362
Tell your friends he is the best for you. And that you would appreciate some compassion for your happiness.
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