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More than a year ago I left my country for my boyfriend (who I met in my country) to live with him in his country. I still do.
A few days ago we spontaneously said we wanna go hiking next weekend on a mountain a few hours from here.. it's a 3 days trip. At that moment I didn't know that you actually need special hiking and climbing gear to do it and he didn't tell me. So today he told me his friends will also go there this weekend so we could go with them, I said sure, no problem. Then he gave me a list of what things I need to take there (from a special jackets, over special shoes to ropes, sleeping bag etc.).. I told him that I don't have most of this stuff. He told me to ask my friends. I did, nobody had that stuff. He didn't offer me to ask his friends (although he has a lot more here where we live). I then said well, looks like I cannot go then. He said he will go anyway. That hurt me a lot because 1. We planned this trip together and now he wants to do it alone because I don't have the gear to do it 2. I left behind all my friends and family when I moved to his country, so I already made a big compromise/sacrifice for him since I cannot go hiking with my friends or family whenever I want 3. A day after the hiking trip he will be gone for a business trip for more than 4 days.. meaning we wouldn't see each other for more than a week if he goes with his friends alone.
Why would you initiate a trip where there is rock climbing if you don't have rock climbing equipment? It is like you suggest diving but have no diving gear ...
Just because you left your country for him doesn't mean he has to be with you 24/7 forever.
I did! Not directly when we decided to go on that trip, but today, when he told me his friends are going as well. He knew I don't have all this stuff. And he didn't offer to ask his friends if they can lend me something. I just think it's not okay.. we decidesd to go on the trip together, he doesn't seem to want to help me to organize this stuff and says he'll go anyway even if I cannot go (although I really want to). Since I?m living in his country for him I cannot count the times anymore where I told my friends and family in my own country that I cannot to this and that with them.. and for me that was alright because the most important thing is to be with him and I knew I have to make sacrifices to be with him.
Why would you initiate a trip where there is rock climbing if you don't have rock climbing equipment? It is like you suggest diving but have no diving gear ...
Just because you left your country for him doesn't mean he has to be with you 24/7 forever.
Because I didn't know it was rock climbing. He told me about that mountain and that we could 'walk up' next weekend.
And it's not that I wouldn't 'allow' him to do things alone with hios friends or family, but this thing we planned together and he doesn't seem to make any effort to make me come with him or even consider to go another time with me when I can organize the gear.
Oh, so HE suggested it, well knowing that his friends go as well.
I left my country for my ex, too. And I was clingy, I admit that. But you have to let him do his own thing sometimes, even if you sit alone at home. Guys don't like clingy girls.
So quit revolving your life around him and do what you want to do without him. You are not required to do absolutely everything with him and if you are not going to do things with your family:"Just to be with him"......you are wasting your life.He also has to "make sacrifices" to be with you and obviously that fact is not as important to him as it is to you.Wake up girl and go back to your own country. Why in the world would you give up your life in your own country for a man you obviously don't know very well............
oh-eve, it's not about that. He does a lot of things alone. His job sends him once per week for 2-3 days away and he always goes with his best friend who works with him, and of these 2-3 days on the biz trip he has most of the time off (not working 8h a day) so him and his best friend do a lot, nice restaurants, going out etc.
Also, he often does things with his family alone and if he says he wants to go with a friend to the theatre I don't have a problem. The problem is that we planned this trip together and that now he doesn't seem to care much if I can come or not. And directly after the trip he'll be more than 4 days away for his biz trip and I also won't see him.
I am sorry you don't get out of that relationship what you have hoped. He forgot that he took you from a different country and that you are somewhat dependent on him. He acts like he is just dating and not very serious. He should have thought of the consequences and responsibilities before he invited you to move all the way to him.I know that most peope won't agree with my post. But since I have done the same as you, I kinda understand what you mean.
How can you have moved without marying?
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