U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Old 11-02-2013, 04:11 PM
Location: North Dakota
7,721 posts, read 9,015,236 times
Reputation: 11078


Originally Posted by Floppage View Post
I know this a common question, but I've never heard a good answer.

In post-college life, you spend the majority of your waking hours at work. It's assumed you won't meet a mate there because (1) work relationships are a no-no and (2), as a recent college grad, your coworkers are unlikely to be near your age range, unless you're at some young, hip company like Google. So that means that more than 1/2 of your waking hours are not helping you find a mate.

Now, what about the other 1/2 of your time?

You're probably not going to meet anyone Monday-Friday after work. Most people are burned out from a 9-5 workday and just want to use their remaining energy to finish a workout at the gym and then cook themselves a meal before relaxing at their apartment. The only public places you'll be are the gym, maybe the bus and the grocery store as well. Problem is that, according to women, they don't want a random guy talking to them in public places. So I assume that Monday-Friday are times that you're not going to find a mate.

That leaves only the weekends as possibilities. Still, where the Hell do you meet women? I guess the only place where it is appropriate to talk to random women is the bars.

I see why so many people resort to online dating. No way I'm doing that, though. Online dating is basically a catalogue for women to pick out guys 6'0"+ and $100k/yr+. I would have no luck at all.
The only way I could think of meeting people after college is by volunteering in the community, finding Meetup groups, and attending community events. I agree that dating coworkers is a faux pas. I think bars are a bad place to meet people. The lighting is often poor and people are not always 100% "with it." I always hear people telling me to meet people at church, although mine is pretty geriatric.
Quick reply to this message

Old 11-02-2013, 07:04 PM
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,883,686 times
Reputation: 2770
Originally Posted by nearnorth View Post
I lived in the burbs for 6 years. I think I have a pretty accurate perception, and a much more recent one than yours. Trust me, it's no place for a young single person these days. It's no place for a middle-age single person, even, though single parents will often choose to live there anyway, for the schools.

I'm quite aware of this but that was your time and your generation. It was before my time. That time is long, long gone. There has been a massive generational demographic shift between the city and suburbs in large U.S. metro areas (and lately even medium sized ones) since then. Back then, middle class people and young professionals all wanted to live in the suburbs, and the city was one big pile of poverty and decay. Now the city is where most young professionals want to live, which is gentrifying urban neighborhoods and pushing the poor out into the suburbs. Maybe in the 1960's I'd have preferred the suburbs, but I wasn't alive then, so it's a moot point. I sure don't in the 2000's.

Also, I've never been to any upscale mall in the burbs OR the city, and have no desire to. That's not something that appeals to me, so that's not even a factor.

You should really head over to the Chicago forum or the Chicago Suburbs forum to discuss this. This kind of stuff is talked about all the time there, and we're off topic here.
OK , I did not intend to get off topic, I was just expressing what I feel is the best way for young people ( 21 to 35 ? ) to meet others , by sharing an enviorement , one that involves where they live. I don't think overall people are that different anywhere ( I have lived all over North America) age is not not as important as having the funds to pick and choose. The debate about city or suburbs was going on long ago even before this old guy was still growing up in an Iowa cornfield........I will look more into the Chicago threads than what pops up on my screen. I must have missed an important section, as you relate too.
Quick reply to this message
Old 11-07-2013, 10:41 AM
4,539 posts, read 4,826,912 times
Reputation: 3481
Funny when I was single the only problem I had was with too many girls and not enough money.

Men have it easy, they can go to bars and nightclubs by themselves and can approach women. 90% of men are fairly chicken so the ten percent of men asking for numbers in a bar have 100% of the women to choose

Once we had a "numbers" contest and my buddy and I both got 40 numbers each in one night. Trouble is women dont like men who date other women. I take a girl out on a Saturday night on a first date I cant say got to get you out of here I have another girl coming over for brunch. Also in the 20s you have not much money after first apt, car and student loans. That limits you.
Quick reply to this message
Old 11-07-2013, 10:48 AM
4,539 posts, read 4,826,912 times
Reputation: 3481
In NYC I will tell you all you need to get ladies. A coop or condo you own, a great job, at least a share in the Hamptons or Jersey Shore. Maybe skiing or have an interesting hobby. A nice car. Be single, not cheap, open car doors. Be over six feet, in shape and be funny.

Bottom line in the highly competitive world that is who girls who look like models, have great jobs can comes from rich parents are doing.

You are five foot nine inch, balding a little pot belly and 33 and single. You either need to be very very rich or settle for so so girls.
Quick reply to this message
Old 11-07-2013, 11:59 AM
Location: State of Superior
8,628 posts, read 13,883,686 times
Reputation: 2770
Interesting , and just what has changed from 35 years ago.?....nothing ! I can relate to the same as this poster. Holidays were especially troublesome, I some years must have eating 3 Christmas dinners all in the same afternoon., and all in the same building ! It wasn't so easy back then ether when it came to good looks. I did not have that problem but a lot of guys did. I guess it was something about blond hair ( receding a little ) blue eyes and a Florida tan, 5'11" average or above build , that did it for me....or could it have been the De Tomaso Pantera sports car in the lot .....I still wonder about that.....LOL
Quick reply to this message
Old 11-07-2013, 01:51 PM
1,245 posts, read 1,527,416 times
Reputation: 1348
Originally Posted by Inebriated Duck View Post
Well, he's not wrong. Traditional male society has very strict heteronormative rules on how men are allowed to express emotion (if at all.) For a long time men were only supposed to show anger or a steely stoicism, and nothing else. Anything else was considered too feminine. Now, with that idea being challenged, modern men (in Western nations at least) are faced with pressures from both sides. They're told that it's ok to show emotions and then get yelled at for doing so. It's a strange time in history when a man can be simultaneously too masculine and not masculine enough.
Yes, this is what I call the moving target of modern masculinity. First, modern society likes to talk about "real men" and encourages men to be a "real man".
Then, the definition for a "real man" is all over the place and is different for everyone trying to describe what a "real man" should look like and how they should act, what qualities they should possess.
Therefore men are lead to believe that there is some magical identity that will assure him success in life, success with women, and favor with the gods but it's always out of reach and changing.
Thus we see men walking around everywhere trying to look all tough and cartoonish or going the other way and being overly nice.
Quick reply to this message
Old 11-07-2013, 08:12 PM
1,964 posts, read 2,550,559 times
Reputation: 1894
I didn't read this entire thread, but I went through exactly what the OP is talking about..

To the OP:

This transition is the most difficult in your life probably. In college your social life was easy because you were in college and all your classmates were of similar age and education and had at least a modicum of ambition. Afterwords, things are changed entirely. The bars are a mixed bag with mixes of lowlifes and high rollers sometimes in the same place.. Also there are usually so many distractions in one bar that it may be difficult to push through the l the albackground noise unless you're tall or super handsome.

You have to start a full court press on your pursuit of a gf. I don't see why you're limiting yourself by not going out after work. Sometimes happy hours are a good place to meet professional women. I actually had a lot of luck in grocery stores too!! (the produce department with all the salad stuff is the best for gals) The gym, meetup groups, online!! DO NOT limit your possibilities. If you see someone you're interested in, approach them (unless they're married or obviously with someone of course)

Good luck and report back with your adventures!
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.

Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top