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Old 10-30-2013, 01:04 PM
 
Location: San Francisco, CA
181 posts, read 165,867 times
Reputation: 208

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One of my friends (male friend) is dating around trying to find the one. I know this guy and he is definitely searching for the best connection, someone to settle down with but also taking his time. He is in his late 30s,which in the Bay Area is the normal age to settle down. Recently he has met someone that he is interested in spending time with, go hiking, camping etc. She invites him to many activities, they have met each others friends etc. He is attracted to her but the sexual chemistry is just ok...prior to meeting her he has also been involved with someone else whom he is very much attracted to sexually but he feels that they have a age difference of 10 years, therefore she does not naturally mesh well with his friends etc. However, the sexual part is great. So he is stuck between the rock and the hard place tyring to figure out what to do. Please note, it is not a FWB situation with the first woman with whom he has the strong sexual attraction.

I was wondering if any of you have been in this situation and can give some advice. We have already told him to cut the ties with both and find someone with whom he is trully compatible but he tells us that he does not meet many women with whom he has strong connections (both life and sexual) and he wants to figure out what to do.
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Old 10-30-2013, 01:15 PM
 
35,325 posts, read 25,025,744 times
Reputation: 32379
Sure have. Considering marrying her. We worked great together. Glad I didn't. Life is too short for not great sex. You can only improve things so much (bad to ok sex, ok sex to good sex, etc.). If the great sex isn't there, don't settle, you will regret it or stray at some point.
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Old 10-30-2013, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
42,804 posts, read 41,495,107 times
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I agree. It is the worst situation to be in.

You can always have friends to enjoy activities with, but that physical connection cannot be manufactured. And once you have it, all others will pale in comparison.

Keep looking.
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Old 10-30-2013, 02:12 PM
 
Location: San Francisco, CA
181 posts, read 165,867 times
Reputation: 208
So the chances with the one with strong sexual chemistry is nil?
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Old 10-30-2013, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Terra
2,827 posts, read 3,203,230 times
Reputation: 3339
Quote:
Originally Posted by tulip999 View Post
So the chances with the one with strong sexual chemistry is nil?
I read the opposite.
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Old 10-30-2013, 02:34 PM
 
Location: NYC
2,803 posts, read 3,029,498 times
Reputation: 4789
I doubt the age difference is the only problem with the younger one. I am thinking he is embarrassed to show her to his friends. Do not mesh well with his friends is probably an euphemism.
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Old 10-30-2013, 02:35 PM
 
35,325 posts, read 25,025,744 times
Reputation: 32379
Quote:
Originally Posted by jsun556 View Post
I read the opposite.

Correct. The one with no sexual chemistry is nil.

Really, neither probably work. Just keep looking. TONS of people out there.
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Old 10-30-2013, 03:09 PM
 
Location: Broward County Florida
555 posts, read 486,249 times
Reputation: 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by tulip999 View Post
One of my friends (male friend) is dating around trying to find the one. I know this guy and he is definitely searching for the best connection, someone to settle down with but also taking his time. He is in his late 30s,which in the Bay Area is the normal age to settle down. Recently he has met someone that he is interested in spending time with, go hiking, camping etc. She invites him to many activities, they have met each others friends etc. He is attracted to her but the sexual chemistry is just ok...prior to meeting her he has also been involved with someone else whom he is very much attracted to sexually but he feels that they have a age difference of 10 years, therefore she does not naturally mesh well with his friends etc. However, the sexual part is great. So he is stuck between the rock and the hard place tyring to figure out what to do. Please note, it is not a FWB situation with the first woman with whom he has the strong sexual attraction.

I was wondering if any of you have been in this situation and can give some advice. We have already told him to cut the ties with both and find someone with whom he is trully compatible but he tells us that he does not meet many women with whom he has strong connections (both life and sexual) and he wants to figure out what to do.
So the guy has great sex with one girl and now found another girl he is sleeping with too (otherwise how can he know about weak sexual chemistry?)

This is so funny. The guys is not stuck, he obviously enjoys having sex with both chicks and having a choice even if he says otherwise.
At some point though he has to be honest with everybody and chose.
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Old 10-30-2013, 03:17 PM
 
2,764 posts, read 4,126,607 times
Reputation: 2977
Quote:
Originally Posted by tulip999 View Post
One of my friends (male friend) is dating around trying to find the one. I know this guy and he is definitely searching for the best connection, someone to settle down with but also taking his time. He is in his late 30s,which in the Bay Area is the normal age to settle down. Recently he has met someone that he is interested in spending time with, go hiking, camping etc. She invites him to many activities, they have met each others friends etc. He is attracted to her but the sexual chemistry is just ok...prior to meeting her he has also been involved with someone else whom he is very much attracted to sexually but he feels that they have a age difference of 10 years, therefore she does not naturally mesh well with his friends etc. However, the sexual part is great. So he is stuck between the rock and the hard place tyring to figure out what to do. Please note, it is not a FWB situation with the first woman with whom he has the strong sexual attraction.

I was wondering if any of you have been in this situation and can give some advice. We have already told him to cut the ties with both and find someone with whom he is trully compatible but he tells us that he does not meet many women with whom he has strong connections (both life and sexual) and he wants to figure out what to do.



I wonder if the bolded is why so many people get divorced. People often marry with having met only one or the other criteria, and then they realize that they either don't really like the person they married, and the sex is great. Or they have a great friendship with no sexual chemistry. Especially the first time around being married.
Most likely, i believe most people need both conditions to be met, unless they are ok with sacrificing the sex. Perhaps low libido, or some other factor makes the friendship more important than the unknown in starting over new.
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Old 10-30-2013, 03:32 PM
 
Location: Emerald Coast, FL
5,312 posts, read 8,327,834 times
Reputation: 8660
10 years isn't an insurmountable age difference, by any means, as long as the other traits exist that would make for a great, lasting relationship.

My inclination, being the poly-minded person I am, is to consider keeping them both following a responsible non-monogamy model! He may not be so inclined, and one or both of them may not be so inclined, but it is a viable option for an increasing number of people and can be worth exploring. We have made it work very well for us, when we have had the opportunity, with the right people.
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