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Old 07-15-2014, 12:19 PM
 
1,882 posts, read 1,425,878 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
Wow, that sure isn't the case with folks I know.

Even if people waited till 18 to start, that's 22 years of dating history. And they never got past 'a few years'? That's scary.
But that's what happens when you base your view of reality on the experiences of 'the folks you know': your sample population is so minuscule -- the behaviors of such a small group don't necessarily reflect the behaviors of society as a whole.

 
Old 07-15-2014, 01:18 PM
 
1,882 posts, read 1,425,878 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RedOmega View Post
Yeah experience or not no one wants to seen as someones charity case do you not agree?
Agreed. It's a shame people use that term to describe an inexperienced person. It's very mean-spirited in a adolescent, high-school-ish way.
 
Old 07-15-2014, 01:31 PM
 
1,882 posts, read 1,425,878 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Not having LTRs is a flag to me to, but 10 years is very excessive. That is longer than many marriages.
But judging someone for never having had a relationship might be a flag for some as well. Red flags can be triggered by a lot of things; it comes down to the individual and what he/she believes to be normal or abnormal. You are of course entitled to your beliefs and opinions. But your 'criteria' for red-flagging someone might be considered a red flag to some.
 
Old 07-15-2014, 01:46 PM
 
1,882 posts, read 1,425,878 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nearnorth View Post
I agree completely with all of the above, except for your statement about poor social skills being "cop out language." Teaching social skills is a big part of treating Autism (among other diagnoses), and is in fact the language we use in the mental health field. Since you appear to want to get technical I would add that "Social phobia" is actually called Social Anxiety Disorder, and various forms of talk therapy are effective, not just CBT.

Also, there are people who have poor social skills and/or some symptoms of social anxiety without having a full-blown diagnosable mental disorder. I see it all the time.
A lot of folks simply having a hard time being phony and deceitful, and those people often have trouble socializing. Because large chunks of our everyday social interactions involve telling 'white lies', being superficial, and being deceptive. Many Asperger's sufferers are simply blatantly honest and can't or refuse to play along with society's carefully choreographed social dance, a dance that forces each person to wear a thousand different social masks, most of which are not accurate representations of the mask wearer. So people with Autism disorders and Asperger's have it rough. But for me personally, I find it highly refreshing to be around such honest and 'unmasked' people.
 
Old 07-15-2014, 02:14 PM
 
Location: Vail, CO
957 posts, read 819,725 times
Reputation: 1104
Better yet..

Ignore this entire thread if you have little to no experience, read books and talk to women. Just don't tell them about your relationship history or keep it very vague and change the subject. I didn't have much experience in my late twenties, none of the women I've been with seemed to care. Most people I know assume I do very well with women, they would be shocked if I told them I was never in a relationship till I was 28.

I was a shy, nervous mess. I'm good now though!

People here just talk about their desires and what they would do, provided they had the full story and not this what-if bull that is the internets. Don't let this thread get you down.
 
Old 07-15-2014, 03:42 PM
 
457 posts, read 481,517 times
Reputation: 318
Quote:
Originally Posted by 49ersfan27 View Post
Both men and women can be cruel. It's not gender specific.
Agreed, they are often just cruel regarding different matters.
 
Old 07-15-2014, 03:48 PM
 
457 posts, read 481,517 times
Reputation: 318
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnthonyJ34 View Post
A lot of folks simply having a hard time being phony and deceitful, and those people often have trouble socializing. Because large chunks of our everyday social interactions involve telling 'white lies', being superficial, and being deceptive. Many Asperger's sufferers are simply blatantly honest and can't or refuse to play along with society's carefully choreographed social dance, a dance that forces each person to wear a thousand different social masks, most of which are not accurate representations of the mask wearer. So people with Autism disorders and Asperger's have it rough. But for me personally, I find it highly refreshing to be around such honest and 'unmasked' people.
This is a good point, and one reason I have struggled with social interactions. I commiserate with the mentality of Holden Caulfield in Catcher in the Rye since I dislike having to be phony or even tell white lies. I'll capitulate in order to avoid conflict, but it makes me nervous to have to act or feel a certain way that is not genuine just to fit in. I do not have Asperger's, but have a tendency to overthink things and care too much about what others think of me. That may well be a mental illness, but likely more of a mental issue, one that is not as easily diagnosed as a full-blown illness.
 
Old 07-15-2014, 04:03 PM
 
576 posts, read 499,792 times
Reputation: 907
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MogwaiLover217 View Post
No not at all, I'm saying how employers refuse to hire or take a chance with people that are inexperienced, most women are no exception to that, if someone has gaps on their resume, employers think "why hasn't he/she been hired yet?", employers want the candidate that is in demand, wanted by other employers, women are like that with women
I'll admit ive never been a big hit with women. Funny,i got married and women practically started to throw themselves at me. It was like freaky weird. So maybe it's something for you single guys to consider.
Forbidden fruit or something like that.
 
Old 07-15-2014, 04:28 PM
 
12,544 posts, read 12,464,529 times
Reputation: 28900
I'm 47. If someone in my playgroup has no experience, something is seriously wrong with him. Harsh but true.
 
Old 07-15-2014, 04:53 PM
 
Location: LA, CA/ In This Time and Place
5,433 posts, read 3,487,835 times
Reputation: 5063
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110 View Post
I'm 47. If someone in my playgroup has no experience, something is seriously wrong with him. Harsh but true.
I'm twenty years younger, and in my age group it is weird. But yes by your age anyone who has not tried dating, relationships, sex, really can't be considered a true adult. Those things are integral parts of being an adult.
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