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Old 11-20-2007, 06:39 PM
 
Location: home
180 posts, read 400,892 times
Reputation: 110
Post in love with someone you never met..

A friend of mine met this guy online in a yahoo chatroom a few years ago. He was deployed to Iraq with the National Guard. She would spend hours online chatting with this guy, whom I personally chatted to and seemed like a nice guy. After a few months she decided this man was her soul mate and put her whole life on hold till he got back from Iraq. While he was away I left a message on the guestbook of the town this guy was from wanting info on him. My original worry was that he was married and I didn't want my friend to get hurt. Well a few weeks go by and the guy found the post and questioned my friend about it.Of course she didn't know anything about it and I admitted that I did it. This man told me he was in loove with my friend and that he had waited his whole life to meet someone like her. He also told her that he can't wait to stroke her hair , so she cut a lock of it off and mailed it to him. I checked my email and it was full of messages from other women all over the United States that this jerk was saying the same things to. When I showed them to her she said those were just psycho x's and that they were just jealous.Finally I got her to confront him with it and he told her that if she didn't trust him that they had nothing and that it was over. It took my friend 6 months to get over this dude and she never met him in person. When she finally did move on this jerk has the nerve to message her on myspace and tell her he is getting married. I would like to know how many of you would have fallen for that scam and if you believe that you can fall in love with someone you have never met?
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Old 11-20-2007, 06:46 PM
 
Location: Temporary on Earth for a little while
320 posts, read 619,497 times
Reputation: 174
i personally would not be able to fall in love like that... i mean maybe she just fell in love with the idea of having someone to talk to ...you know? He made her feel good about herself and she wanted to hold onto that as long as possible. You can't really know until you meet the person and even then, its "IFEY". But that's a whole other topic.
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Old 11-20-2007, 07:13 PM
 
2,486 posts, read 5,905,665 times
Reputation: 1832
I have once fallen for that scam. It is a shameful story I have been reluctant to tell even through the anonymity of the internet.

I was a shy, yet hopeful teenage Asian girl that didn't have too many friends and wasn't the most popular in school. I lost myself in art and music...and being the stupid little teenager at the time, it was all about the spice girls, bon jovi, and a certain boyband which I will not name. I was the boyband-that-shall-not-be-named's biggest fan. I had a fanpage. I had all their CDs. I participated on fan forums.

I'm not sure if it was through sheer luck or because I was so fanatical I fell into the "inner circle" but one of the members of the band and I came into contact through a mutual friend that I'd met through the fan forums. We became friends. Naturally, I had doubt because I knew how many posers were out there that wanted to pretend they were one of the members of the band--whether for their own amusement or for their ego.

The member of the band and I ended up getting very close. He had a way with words (sweet, empty nothings that 14 year olds would tell each other) that made my naive self swoon , despite a nagging feeling that I should not participate in any of what I was doing. We got to know each other beyond just the "friend of a friend" level and started sharing our thoughts and dreams with each other. I would occasionally tease him to call me or visit me to "prove" that it was really him. He never came because at the time he was always busy on tour, jumping from one country to another. But one night, he called me and proved that it really was him. I was ecstatic, it really was him and I wasn't being fooled all these years. Except I was wrong. I was being fooled...though not about his identity.

We developed feelings for each other. It was oh-so-sweet and I thought perhaps one day we would meet and become a real boyfriend/girlfriend couple. Perhaps one day...but not anytime yet because their record label demanded that they present themselves as "single" to appeal to their fanbase of a gazillion screaming fanatical girls.

Nonetheless, he never came and visit me because he was always "busy". I, unfortunate with strict parents that didn't believe in rock concerts, was never able to go to one of his shows, even though he had one about 3 hours away from where I lived. We used the internet and sometimes phone as our means of communication and developed deeper feelings for each other.

And then one day, I came across a picture. We had long told each other we considered each other our 'significant other'. When I came across this picture, I was beyond shocked. It was him. Kissing another girl. He told me I was the only one. I was heartbroken.

I confronted him about it. He apologized and said that I was "never there". I told him he could have come visit me but he never did and then perhaps my parents would see that he wasn't just a figment of my imagination. He apologized and swore he loved me and it was nothing but an innocent kiss caught on camera by a nosy fan at a bad time. Foolishly, I believed him. How foolish I was.

Things were okay for a while. We reconnected again but this time around he seemed to be less "available". It used to be that he'd come online after ever show just to talk to me until the wee morning hours. We would fall asleep at the keyboard or on the phone at 4:30 am because we were so tired and realize it the next morning. But things were different this time around. He was less..."available". He claimed it was because the record label was making them work overtime. Again, I believed him.

Then came that day. The day he announced to the world that he had a girlfriend.

He announced to the world that his girlfriend was the very girl I had a picture of him kissing. I raged at him, called him many awful names and he only apologized and said that it would never work between us. "What about the times you said you'd always love me?" I screamed to him on the phone. His answer? "those are just things you say...when you're in the moment."

I hated him but I still loved him at the same time. I was so hurt and broke as I confided everything to him and I thought he confided everything to me. Because I was too cowardly to let him go, I agreed to try to work out a friendship. It didn't work. It never works.

Last summer, he got married to the girlfriend. They're expecting a child now. I have also ceased contact, moved on, and learned my life lesson.
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Old 11-20-2007, 07:14 PM
 
Location: in drifts of snow wherever you go
2,522 posts, read 167,308 times
Reputation: 692
Happens all the time. Usually to women who are vulnerable and want to really believe that there is someone special out there who loves them. It's much easier to idealize someone you've never met before then a person you spend ever day with!

You're a really good friend. One day your friend will thank you for saving her from one heck of a mess.
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Old 11-20-2007, 07:19 PM
 
Location: Northeastern WI
19,396 posts, read 16,110,640 times
Reputation: 36101
Though I dont believe in 'falling in love' in some chatroom, it does happen. I was at an airport awhile back where some girl who had stepped off a plane appeared to be meeting her 'internet boyfriend' at the airport. And judging by his reaction when he saw her, he was all happy, drooly, etc, but she must have been disappointed, and when he called her name she had that 'oh gawd please dont tell me you're John!' look. Wonder how the rest of her visit there went!
Which takes us back to 'long distance relationships' and 'online meeting' categories....
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Old 11-20-2007, 07:34 PM
 
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
4,401 posts, read 4,101,038 times
Reputation: 1377
I had a couple of Russian Girls thru one of the dating sites tell me that, after emailing me for 1 month, but never talking to me on the phone or anything like that.
One of them called me her prince and her man and even made flight arrangements to come see me (but of course, I had to send over hundreds of $ to Russia). When I asked her if we could at least talk about it before I sent money, she said she could not talk because she did not have a phone.
I was 99% sure it was a scam.
But one person who knows Russian culture says that it's not uncommon for women to fall in love with men who they have never meant, since arranged marriages are still happening over there.
There is no way I would do that, save, maybe a celeberty, who I met once in person (I kept it in realistic expectations though)
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Old 11-20-2007, 08:12 PM
 
3,105 posts, read 3,536,085 times
Reputation: 520
It's so hard for me to believe that people really fall in love online. Someone told me once that you don't really know about being in love unless you've lived with the person and have put up with his or her quirks and whatnot for an extended period of time. If you're still in love and still wanting to commit to the person after that, then it's love. I'm not saying I think that definition is the one, but I thought I'd put it out there.

Of course I have no problems believing that people can be infatuated with people they've met online.
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Old 11-20-2007, 08:40 PM
 
Location: in my imagination
10,078 posts, read 12,762,889 times
Reputation: 7061
I have a hard time believing that someone can (both people) can be in love while never meeting.In lust maybe,hopeful yes......but C'mon.

The internet is a cool thing,it has opened up possibilities in numerous ways,but sending money to someone,making a commitment,it's got scam written all over it.

It may be a way to meet people,but until there is personal contact extendly you can't count on anything.

You know regarding shyness and lack of esteem,I've been there and one thing I learned is you might not be as bad as you think you are and you gotta be comfortable about yourself,respect yourself,have confidence but know your limitations and having that someone probably will fall for you.
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Old 11-21-2007, 04:57 AM
 
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
1,063 posts, read 3,139,759 times
Reputation: 916
Quote:
Originally Posted by bailey19782000 View Post
A friend of mine met this guy online in a yahoo chatroom a few years ago. He was deployed to Iraq with the National Guard. She would spend hours online chatting with this guy, whom I personally chatted to and seemed like a nice guy. After a few months she decided this man was her soul mate and put her whole life on hold till he got back from Iraq. While he was away I left a message on the guestbook of the town this guy was from wanting info on him. My original worry was that he was married and I didn't want my friend to get hurt. Well a few weeks go by and the guy found the post and questioned my friend about it.Of course she didn't know anything about it and I admitted that I did it. This man told me he was in loove with my friend and that he had waited his whole life to meet someone like her. He also told her that he can't wait to stroke her hair , so she cut a lock of it off and mailed it to him. I checked my email and it was full of messages from other women all over the United States that this jerk was saying the same things to. When I showed them to her she said those were just psycho x's and that they were just jealous.Finally I got her to confront him with it and he told her that if she didn't trust him that they had nothing and that it was over. It took my friend 6 months to get over this dude and she never met him in person. When she finally did move on this jerk has the nerve to message her on myspace and tell her he is getting married. I would like to know how many of you would have fallen for that scam and if you believe that you can fall in love with someone you have never met?
Sounds like classic NPD to me. The psycho that I was helping during his mental breakdown medical leave had 12 women on the line. From date chat lines and the internet. A few he never met. The women called constantly, his pager beeped constantly...it was all fuel for his narcissism. One day he took too much of his meds and passed out on my couch. When the phone started ringing, I told every single one of those women the truth about him. That he was a psychological leave from work, that he was currently passed out on my couch from taking to much of his psych meds, and that she was one of 12, currently. Oh and that he had been married three times and had three kids (he now has four or five)...that went over really well. One of those women I talked to actually took him back...for a short time.

Another con of his was, after we finally got him an apartment, we (me and two of his ex wives that were trying to get him back on his feet.) didn't know that he had been part time living with a woman with a child. He talked her into upgrading her car to a very expensive SUV and to start looking for "their" dream home. One day she called him and asked him a Realtor question. He told her that she should do whatever she wanted about the house...she was planning on putting earnest money on a farm the next day, when he mysteriously didn't come home (he was still staying with me at the time...funny) and wasn't returning her calls, she called my house looking for him....so she was actually number 13. We met for dinner and filled each other in.

After we moved him into his apartment, he started "dating" another girl (ok, now number 14) and talked her into financing a Harley motorcycle for him. He dumped her and didn't make any of the payments, ruined her credit.

He's dropped of the planet for 4 years now and am so relieved. It's a lot of pressure being the only one that knows all of a psycho's secrets.

I once asked him how he could con so many woman (mind you, I did not want him in my house, I had been trying to get rid of him for five months) and he said, "They think I'm a catch." He is one sick puppy that we will hear about on the news someday.

I don't trust men...reading stories like this OP and others, and my own experiences. I know their are good guys out there, but so far, I've met very few of them. And I certainly would never search online. NEVER NEVER NEVER...when you are behind the scenes witnessing how easy it is for one man to con....NEVER EVER

Never!

{added} I forgot to mention he also sleeps with men. He's so messed up, even I forget all the details!

I've often pondered a book about him....from the women's perspective.

Last edited by MainStreet; 11-21-2007 at 05:14 AM..
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Old 11-21-2007, 06:28 AM
 
Location: I'm not lost, I'm exploring!
3,403 posts, read 9,028,886 times
Reputation: 5599
It's wonderful... and life threatening at the same time.

Yes you can fall in love with someone you've never met over the internet. People do it everyday.

The only catch is, you're not falling in love with "them" as much as you are falling in love with your "idea" of them. And a lot of times, the two just don't add up when you finally meet in person. It's a great risk. Sometimes it pays off, sometimes, your left standing in the airport with, (like Power_Surge said) ...that "oh dear god please don't tell me YOU're JOHN!" look.
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