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Old 10-31-2013, 09:33 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
14,840 posts, read 12,284,157 times
Reputation: 26298

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nope, hes not coming back. you're just fantasizing
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Old 10-31-2013, 09:40 AM
 
12,540 posts, read 12,543,523 times
Reputation: 28901
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andylei View Post
What I don't understand is he told me he loved me still and he will never be crazy about any girl but me. He told me how much better I was than his new girl and how he likes me so much more. He told me he only jumped into another relationship so he wasn't alone sitting at home thinking about me. He also said he checks my fb everyday. He said he will always love me but his heart isn't into putting effort into our relationship because he's afraid it wont work.

Translation: "I like screwing this new chick, but I want to string you along and keep you on the back-burner in case I want some on the side or I get out of bed long enough to discover I don't particularly like her."

Pick up your self-respect and pride and cut communication with him. Remove him from your Facebook, tell him you can't be friends with him right now, and move on.
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Old 10-31-2013, 10:16 AM
 
3,592 posts, read 4,735,604 times
Reputation: 4736
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andylei View Post
My ex and I broke up after 3 years, 2 months ago and he is seeing someone else now. I am hearbroken. We saw eachother the other night and I proposed we try again.. he thought about it all night but wasn't sure because he thought our relationship had run it's course and he didn't think it would work. What I don't understand is he told me he loved me still and he will never be crazy about any girl but me. He told me how much better I was than his new girl and how he likes me so much more. He told me he only jumped into another relationship so he wasn't alone sitting at home thinking about me. He also said he checks my fb everyday. He said he will always love me but his heart isn't into putting effort into our relationship because he's afraid it wont work.

I don't know how he can say all those things but still not want to be with me. Do you think he will come back after his honeymoon phase with the new girl ends? I just need some advice..
caution: straight talk ahead.

When he said this right here:

he told me he loved me still and he will never be crazy about any girl but me. He told me how much better I was than his new girl and how he likes me so much more. He told me he only jumped into another relationship so he wasn't alone sitting at home thinking about me. He also said he checks my fb everyday. He said he will always love me but his heart isn't into putting effort into our relationship because he's afraid it wont work.

It would have been a good idea in your mind, heart and feet to move on, at that point because he was stonewalling. Because there you were, right in front of him offering him another chance and he is sandbagging you with excuses. It almost sounds like he's trying to pit you against the current girl, or arouse your jealousy and dismay enough for you to be available for him should he want to cheat on her. (playing hard to get) Men DO think this far ahead when it comes to their "options". He's talking out of both side of his mouth; he loves you so much, but he's purposefully choosing to be with someone he says he doesn't love so he doesn't have to be alone. You're alone without him, but that doesn't seem to be much of a problem for him. WTH?

It doesn't even matter why he doesn't want to come back. You deserve someone who can make a decision about the couple's future without all that back-pedaling. Don't let your self-esteem take a hit over this wordy foolishness of his. Pick yourself up dust yourself off, spruce yourself up and get some help from your girlfriends or family getting back into the dating pool.
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Old 10-31-2013, 10:43 AM
 
896 posts, read 963,881 times
Reputation: 1283
Saying he still loves you is likely the truth, and he likely said it to soften the blow. Time to move on, but there is no reason to hate him or think that he is trying to manipulate you. The women claiming that on this thread are bringing their own baggage to the situation so I would ignore them were I you. There is no reason to spoil your good memories of him. Sometimes people grow apart, that just how it goes.
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Old 10-31-2013, 10:56 AM
 
270 posts, read 833,672 times
Reputation: 194
Dear OP, I'm really sorry this happened to you. Same thing happened to a friend of mine 3 months ago. She was devastated. I'm quoting oregonwoodsmoke below because his/her advice is right on the money.
My friend was engaged to her guy. He ended the engagement, put up his profile on Match.com, started seeing someone else....then he convinced her (my dumped friend) to sleep with him while his new girl was out of town. When new girl got back into town he slept with her.
Yuck! I'm so disgusted. This guy was a nice guy and suddenly he has turned into a strange monster.
PLEASE, Whatever you do, please don't sleep with him! He's manipulating you! End all contact so that you can move on with your life and then meet the man of your dreams!

Quote:
Originally Posted by oregonwoodsmoke View Post
The guy is manipulative and stringing you along so he has a fallback position if the new girlfriend dumps him. He's done with you, but doesn't want you to move on and be happy. He intends to keep you in his collection just in case he wants to use you in the future..

Move on. The only way to get back at him is to find someone new and to be really happy without him.
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Old 10-31-2013, 11:03 AM
 
3,592 posts, read 4,735,604 times
Reputation: 4736
Quote:
Originally Posted by GraciousVox View Post
Saying he still loves you is likely the truth, and he likely said it to soften the blow. Time to move on, but there is no reason to hate him or think that he is trying to manipulate you. The women claiming that on this thread are bringing their own baggage to the situation so I would ignore them were I you. There is no reason to spoil your good memories of him. Sometimes people grow apart, that just how it goes.
If what you're saying is true, he wouldn't be telling her he loves her but he's not coming back. In my book that leading someone on. It's not baggage, it's reality.

It's better than telling her to moon away the rest of her life on their "memories". That seems like mental cruelty to the one who is still in love and can't move on.
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Old 10-31-2013, 11:05 AM
 
4,468 posts, read 5,326,916 times
Reputation: 2007
Do you live in Eastern europe or western russia. Sounds like the opposite problem from the USA and Canada where the women control the dating scene.
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Old 10-31-2013, 11:09 AM
 
896 posts, read 963,881 times
Reputation: 1283
Quote:
Originally Posted by laorbust61 View Post
If what you're saying is true, he wouldn't be telling her he loves her but he's not coming back. In my book that leading someone on. It's not baggage, it's reality.

It's better than telling her to moon away the rest of her life on their "memories". That seems like mental cruelty to the one who is still in love and can't move on.
What is it about ''I'm not coming back'' confused you to think it is a sexual invitation? He didn't proposition her, he dumped her. He is not the devil.
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Old 10-31-2013, 11:21 AM
 
643 posts, read 748,982 times
Reputation: 598
He cheated on you while you were together and feels guilty
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Old 10-31-2013, 11:46 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
33,384 posts, read 20,152,781 times
Reputation: 13048
There will be other men who want you and only you, op. Forget about this man and move on with your life.

Don't ask the question, "why doesn't he want me anymore?" Remember you are a valuable individual deserves to be respected, loved. There are a lot of good faithful men out there. You will find one. Don't worry about that.

Best of luck sweetie.
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