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Old 10-31-2013, 02:03 PM
 
Location: Saint Paul, MN
1,365 posts, read 1,434,876 times
Reputation: 2962

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Quote:
Originally Posted by freemkt View Post
Does this mean I don't deserve to date until I get more money and a normal living situation?
You do not deserve to date.

But neither do I. Neither does anyone. Relationships are not something anyone is owed. Even the most successful, handsome, sensitive guy on the face of the planet does not deserve a partner through some sort of cosmic balance sheet.

With that said, it does sound like you are probably not in a place mentally/emotionally where dating would be a very good idea or very likely to be productive. You can just throw up your hands and say that you have no control over your life, but that isn't true. You always have choices to make. Your current living situation is not the only room in the world that costs $X or less per month. If you feel like where you live is having a negative impact on your life, it is up to you to fix that. The obvious answer would be to move, but if for whatever reason you choose not to do that, work on fixing the "negative impact" part. Spend your time elsewhere when you're not at home sleeping. Get a sense of humor about the crazy shenanigans going on. Anything to avoid just sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. Because that is not productive and that is not attractive

Good luck to you!
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Old 10-31-2013, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC
73 posts, read 88,582 times
Reputation: 119
Self pity is a big time repellant, and that is especially true of dating. There are folks in prison with multiple girlfriends, so you can find someone. Be confident, and be positive about your situation. I know I am not in your shoes, but people like to be around people who have a positive outlook. That's just true of all people in general. Good luck!
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Old 10-31-2013, 02:21 PM
 
4,380 posts, read 3,600,438 times
Reputation: 4390
Quote:
Originally Posted by freemkt View Post
Posters in this forum give me the impression that my negativity makes me undateable. I'm sure that SOME people have sucky depressing living arrangements. I suppose that not having control over your living environment is sufficient to render one undateable. Does this mean I don't deserve to date until I get more money and a normal living situation?
There are posters on this forum who are good at making anyone who struggles with dating think if they don't have them lining up at the door, the only possible explanation must be they are undateable.

However, that being said, as a single woman I'm going to be much more inclined to seek out a positive person. We all have negative moments, but to be subjected to it constantly is too draining on me and over time, I tend to take on that negativity as well, which is not what I want for myself.
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Old 10-31-2013, 02:26 PM
 
1,186 posts, read 1,070,830 times
Reputation: 4091
Quote:
Originally Posted by freemkt View Post
Since I financially cannot afford to move, I seethe with anger and resentment and negativity.
And you think the ladies will be lining up for this kind of dude why, exactly?
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Old 10-31-2013, 02:34 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,894 posts, read 12,692,988 times
Reputation: 31046
No offense, but why don't you get a job or a second job and move? Did I miss something, are you legally required that you live there ore mentally or physically disabled? I mean, can't you work for some reason?

So far you sound to me like a fat person who eats all day and then complains about his weight and wonders why no girls look at him.
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Old 10-31-2013, 03:54 PM
 
17,868 posts, read 17,689,913 times
Reputation: 13794
The living arrangement isn't helping, but if you had a more positive outlook you might at least have a shot at dating women.

But i don't know too many people who want to date someone who seethes with anger and all that jazz you posted, not even if he was literally rolling in money.

you can change all of these things. it might take time, but you can at least start with working on the anger problems in the mean time.
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Old 10-31-2013, 04:24 PM
 
33,046 posts, read 21,936,562 times
Reputation: 8962
Quote:
Originally Posted by StPaulGal View Post
You do not deserve to date.

But neither do I. Neither does anyone. Relationships are not something anyone is owed. Even the most successful, handsome, sensitive guy on the face of the planet does not deserve a partner through some sort of cosmic balance sheet.

With that said, it does sound like you are probably not in a place mentally/emotionally where dating would be a very good idea or very likely to be productive. You can just throw up your hands and say that you have no control over your life, but that isn't true. You always have choices to make. Your current living situation is not the only room in the world that costs $X or less per month. If you feel like where you live is having a negative impact on your life, it is up to you to fix that. The obvious answer would be to move, but if for whatever reason you choose not to do that, work on fixing the "negative impact" part. Spend your time elsewhere when you're not at home sleeping. Get a sense of humor about the crazy shenanigans going on. Anything to avoid just sitting there feeling sorry for yourself. Because that is not productive and that is not attractive

Good luck to you!

??? If I can't afford to move, how is that a choice? I'm already below market while the rents around me are necessarily skyrocketing - moving not only would jack up the rent I pay now, it would also vastly increase the probability and frequency of future rent increases.

As for the living situation is it too much to want to have at least one four-hour block of time alone weekly? That's ONE morning or one afternoon or one evening per week. Almost everyone I knowl gets much more than that with regularity. I'm lucky if I get four hours a month, and never at one time. The drunk gets lots of time alone since the rest of us have jobs and at least some sort of life. Oh, and he gets to bring women home all the time, while for practical purposes none of us can bring others to the house. (He parks his rear in the living room all day while watching TV, belching, coughing, and retching - I don't WANT to bring anyone to this house. (Isn't that a different red flag?)
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Old 10-31-2013, 04:41 PM
 
33,046 posts, read 21,936,562 times
Reputation: 8962
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prinour kids.)ce_Frog View Post
The living arrangement isn't helping, but if you had a more positive outlook you might at least have a shot at dating women.

But i don't know too many people who want to date someone who seethes with anger and all that jazz you posted, not even if he was literally rolling in money.

you can change all of these things. it might take time, but you can at least start with working on the anger problems in the mean time.

I don't ask for much in life but I do ask for a moderate amount of peace and quiet and solitude. Is that REALLY too much to ask? Oh, and previously I lived for ten years n a house above a family that literally got out of the house ONLY for about four hours on Christmas. (It took me four months of daily pavement pounding to find it, and it was definitely the ONLY place in town I could afford.) Both parents worked opposite shifts so that someone was always watching the four kids. Is it too much to ask for AVERAGE luck and AVERAGE living situations where the other people in the house have jobs and lives?
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Old 10-31-2013, 05:00 PM
 
Location: NYC
2,432 posts, read 3,346,823 times
Reputation: 2267
this forum gives me the impression everyone else isn't qualified to date
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Old 10-31-2013, 05:58 PM
 
6,758 posts, read 8,265,983 times
Reputation: 6787
I agree that your poverty is not a barrier to dating, but your lack of skill in dealing with your emotions is.

Are you currently attending ACOA meetings? How many times per week?
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