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Old 10-31-2013, 12:59 PM
 
33,046 posts, read 22,034,672 times
Reputation: 8970

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By American standards, I'm poor. I rent a room in a house and have no control over who else lives here or who can come over to do their laundry (and run up the utility bills) or the noise level etc. There is a resident drunk who hasn't worked on over five years - back when he worked he worked out a deal where he rents the house and subrents rooms, allowing him to live in the house for practically free. (At one point he messed up and I worked out a cheaper deal paying the landlord directly.)

I was raised by drunks and have 'issues' regarding living with volatile drunks - especially when they have authority over me (he could kick me out of the house during one of his blow-ups). He lost his license to drive (multiple DUI) and as his GF is in jail for several months, he mopes around the house all day and rarely goes out. Since I financially cannot afford to move, I seethe with anger and resentment and negativity.

Posters in this forum give me the impression that my negativity makes me undateable. I'm sure that SOME people have sucky depressing living arrangements. I suppose that not having control over your living environment is sufficient to render one undateable. Does this mean I don't deserve to date until I get more money and a normal living situation?
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Old 10-31-2013, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Davenport, Iowa
2,468 posts, read 3,587,550 times
Reputation: 3419
Quote:
Originally Posted by freemkt View Post
Does this mean I don't deserve too date until I get more money and a normal living situation?
No.
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Old 10-31-2013, 01:04 PM
 
Location: NYC
2,803 posts, read 3,038,780 times
Reputation: 4789
It sounds like you have bigger problems than dating. When you're drowning it's probably pointless to think about whether you can afford a car.
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Old 10-31-2013, 01:06 PM
 
Location: southwestern PA
20,419 posts, read 37,615,101 times
Reputation: 39049
Quote:
Originally Posted by freemkt View Post
I seethe with anger and resentment and negativity.
Yeah... that's a huge negative!

Have you considered therapy?
Many, many people live in less than optimal situations but are able to maintain a positive outlook on life. Until you can be more self-assured and balanced, dating will be difficult. Us gals can pick up all those negative vibes!
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Old 10-31-2013, 01:11 PM
 
12,540 posts, read 12,516,293 times
Reputation: 28901
Quote:
Originally Posted by freemkt View Post
I suppose that not having control over your living environment is sufficient to render one undateable.
Only if that environment is jail. And even that doesn't rule people out. Plenty of inmates with girlfriends.

As for you not having control over your own environment, you have more control over it than you think. In your shoes, my priority would be in moving into a better situation, not dating.
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Old 10-31-2013, 01:26 PM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
21,865 posts, read 21,703,455 times
Reputation: 21472
Quote:
Originally Posted by freemkt View Post
Posters in this forum give me the impression that my negativity makes me undateable. I'm sure that SOME people have sucky depressing living arrangements. I suppose that not having control over your living environment is sufficient to render one undateable. Does this mean I don't deserve to date until I get more money and a normal living situation?
Exactly.
I think though that your negativity and living arrangements are separate issues. I'm sure you could find an equally negative woman to date. You could probably even find some nice homeless woman that care about your living arrangements.

Kidding aside, I think that my own living arrangements have a negative impact on my dating as well. Seems one or the other of my children keep moving in with me temporarily and I run a flop house for wayward boys on the weekends. On top of that, I share my home with 3 dogs, 7 cats, goats, pigs, chickens, ducks, guineas and horses. What guy in their right mind wants to deal with all that chit.

I do control the situation though. Its all about choices.
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Old 10-31-2013, 01:28 PM
 
12,319 posts, read 13,561,032 times
Reputation: 14291
Quote:
Originally Posted by freemkt View Post
By American standards, I'm poor. I rent a room in a house and have no control over who else lives here or who can come over to do their laundry (and run up the utility bills) or the noise level etc. There is a resident drunk who hasn't worked on over five years - back when he worked he worked out a deal where he rents the house and subrents rooms, allowing him to live in the house for practically free. (At one point he messed up and I worked out a cheaper deal paying the landlord directly.)

I was raised by drunks and have 'issues' regarding living with volatile drunks - especially when they have authority over me (he could kick me out of the house during one of his blow-ups). He lost his license to drive (multiple DUI) and as his GF is in jail for several months, he mopes around the house all day and rarely goes out. Since I financially cannot afford to move, I seethe with anger and resentment and negativity.

Posters in this forum give me the impression that my negativity makes me undateable. I'm sure that SOME people have sucky depressing living arrangements. I suppose that not having control over your living environment is sufficient to render one undateable. Does this mean I don't deserve to date until I get more money and a normal living situation?
"Can we go back to your place?"

"Ah.....NO!!! Um..... I mean..."

"I understand. You are not read to date."
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Old 10-31-2013, 01:32 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
14,714 posts, read 12,221,024 times
Reputation: 26116
no, but you're chances of being in a relationship is greatly reduced.

you can change all that, though.
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Old 10-31-2013, 01:57 PM
 
7,931 posts, read 5,978,169 times
Reputation: 5596
Quote:
Originally Posted by freemkt View Post
By American standards, I'm poor. I rent a room in a house and have no control over who else lives here or who can come over to do their laundry (and run up the utility bills) or the noise level etc. There is a resident drunk who hasn't worked on over five years - back when he worked he worked out a deal where he rents the house and subrents rooms, allowing him to live in the house for practically free. (At one point he messed up and I worked out a cheaper deal paying the landlord directly.)

I was raised by drunks and have 'issues' regarding living with volatile drunks - especially when they have authority over me (he could kick me out of the house during one of his blow-ups). He lost his license to drive (multiple DUI) and as his GF is in jail for several months, he mopes around the house all day and rarely goes out. Since I financially cannot afford to move, I seethe with anger and resentment and negativity.

Posters in this forum give me the impression that my negativity makes me undateable. I'm sure that SOME people have sucky depressing living arrangements. I suppose that not having control over your living environment is sufficient to render one undateable. Does this mean I don't deserve to date until I get more money and a normal living situation?
It's probably more about what you do about your situation than it is about your situation. But this sucks. Do whatever you can to get out. Hell, you may not want to hear it, but if you are living with a volatile person, it is better for you to hit the streets. I'm speaking from experience. It will eventually deteriorate into a bloodbath. Run, don't walk. If your area is not homeless friendly, find some area that is.

It sucks that it has to be like that, but in the long run, you'll realize that you were better off... or kill yourself.


Either way, I am totally sorry.

Yes, I've been on the streets for years, and there were points where I had very few if any friends. I was so used to such crappy treatment that I expected it. But then I realized that these people in my current community are not like the people in my past. I have a lot of wonderful people in my life. My social circle is ever expanding at such a rate that it is scary.


Do some research, map out a plan that will make your transition as best as it could be.


You might be a wonderful person to date. However, it is your circumstances that is getting the best of you. You have to deal with that circumstance first, because it will sabotage any and every good thing you start up.

Best wishes.
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Old 10-31-2013, 02:03 PM
 
3,672 posts, read 6,057,911 times
Reputation: 4222
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pitt Chick View Post
Yeah... that's a huge negative!

Have you considered therapy?
Many, many people live in less than optimal situations but are able to maintain a positive outlook on life. Until you can be more self-assured and balanced, dating will be difficult. Us gals can pick up all those negative vibes!
yea exactly. my BF was living in a small apartment with his parents when i met him (we were 25). i didn't care. i mean even homeless people have SO's!
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