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Old 11-01-2013, 12:10 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,731 posts, read 20,017,197 times
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I agree with Lilac, the guy you describe is a douchebag. But you sound needy as heck "are you excited to see me?"?! Which just gives guys like him fuel, they know it's so easy to play girls like that. He sounds like he is having a great time just yanking your chain. For the sake of argument let's say he isn't a douchebag... he sounds like a 10 year old boy.

"do you like me? check yes or no".... boy pulls girls hair and runs away.
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Old 11-01-2013, 12:28 PM
 
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I was joking with him when I asked if he was excited to see me. It was flirting basically. I haven't been needy. But thank u everyone for your advice. He tried to tease me again right before I went to lunch and I told him I would not be joining him and I called him an a$$ lol. it's sad because he seemed like such a nice guy but he really isn't. I'm going to see if I can be moved to another department so that i no longer have to deal with him. I don't know what's up with guys like him. I need to figure out how to stop dating them. They all start off completely different and all end up cocky.
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Old 11-01-2013, 12:31 PM
 
35,324 posts, read 25,219,560 times
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Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post
I'm going to see if I can be moved to another department so that i no longer have to deal with him.

I thought you gave up on this guy, but anyway, the above is why you NEVER, EVER DATE AT WORK.

Sorry for the yelling. But this is a hard and fast law. It used to be companies had non fraternization policies. I wish they would make a comeback, they're the best for everyone, including the co workers.
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Old 11-01-2013, 01:24 PM
 
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So we had a talk just now and he admitted to why he was teasing me so much. Everything is all good again whew. Lol. I guess we both are just insecure.
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Old 11-01-2013, 01:29 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
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Well, I'm glad-ish....


If you were going to ask for a department transfer after that little bit of nothing, then you should REALLY reconsider not dating anyone at your workplace.
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Old 11-01-2013, 02:02 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Well, I'm glad-ish....


If you were going to ask for a department transfer after that little bit of nothing, then you should REALLY reconsider not dating anyone at your workplace.
Yeah that was only one of the reasons there were others.

He told me that the reason he always tease me is because I'm always like ignoring him, blowing him off, etc and I'm so shy around him like he doesn't know how to act since he's never dealt with a girl that acts like me and he also wasnt aware that Im very sensitive. Hopefully things improve now that it was put out in the open. He seemed really hurt which honestly was a little weird since I didnt really think he was taking it sooo personal.
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Old 11-01-2013, 02:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post
If you've read any of my other threads I'm dating a co-worker or at least attempting to. At first I thought he was shy like me and reserved but while he definitely seemed nervous the first couple of weeks it seems like he stopped being as nervous and started getting cocky. I made the mistake of telling him that he was my "little office crush" and it went to his head. Lately it seems like a lot of our interactions have been teasing each other and cracking jokes which I'm fine with. I did try to friend zone him a week or so ago because he had admitted he had commitment issues in previous relationships. Later on he came out and said that the commitment issues he was talking about were issues he had in his younger college days, and that he isn't like that anymore. so we talk everyday, etc. I would hang out with him more if he would stop inviting me to family things. For instance he wanted me to have drinks with him and his brother last week, then come over to watch a movie. And today he asked me to come with him while he takes his little cousins trick or treating the catch is that we would be leaving from his parents house. He asked me on a double date with a best friend of his that I have never met, etc. so I've sort of blown him off.

It doesn't help that I'm shy and reserved and he admitted I'm the first shy girl he dated. So the issue I'm having is that he rarely gives me compliments(just teases and flirts) and won't come out and tell me how he feels even though I told him. And then like I said he's cocky now, not in terms of bragging or anything but just in terms of the smiles he gives me and just this vibe that I get that he knows he's got me. I'm used to guys constantly complimenting me, and telling me how they feel especially if I tell them how I feel. With him this is not the case. Action wise yes I do know that he likes me, just by how he smiles at me, how often he talks to me, wants to hang out, constantly comes over, etc. he's told me a lot about himself, pretty honest guy. But I don't get this teasing, not tell her I like her thing. Any guy have insight?
And this is why he is behaving so cocky and confidentially. You tried to friend zone a grown man who knows better and isn't having it. He blew through your friend zone attempt and you resent the loss of control. Now you are going on about how he should tell you what you want to hear, how he should act a certain way... if he said "I like you" you would have blown his out of the water long ago.

Look he asked you out on a nice date, offered to introduce you to his friends and family. What more do you want?
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Old 11-02-2013, 05:06 PM
 
3,067 posts, read 2,516,699 times
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Originally Posted by GraciousVox View Post
And this is why he is behaving so cocky and confidentially. You tried to friend zone a grown man who knows better and isn't having it. He blew through your friend zone attempt and you resent the loss of control. Now you are going on about how he should tell you what you want to hear, how he should act a certain way... if he said "I like you" you would have blown his out of the water long ago.

Look he asked you out on a nice date, offered to introduce you to his friends and family. What more do you want?
I attempted to friend-zoned him for a reason. He revealed a red-flag when he had talked about commitment issues in previous relationships. Being that my last relationship was with a commitment phobe I did not want to get invested again in someone with a similar issue. I friend-zoned him for like a week, until we were having a conversation one day to which after he received the promotion to another department(which starts in January and will be in another building) after congratulating him I simply asked him if he would continue to chat with me and be a friend to me even at the other building or if he would "stop talking", to which he said he would never stop talking to me. As a joke I said "friends forever then lol?" And he was like "? watch the f word". (I figured that the F word he was referring to was forever) So I jokingly stated that I knew he had commitment issues in previous relationships but I did not realize he had commitment issues with friends too, etc. He was just like "wait, what? First off, when I told you I had commitment issues I was talking about previous relationships during my college years, I'm not like that anymore." then he was just like "Don't make me come over there".

Anyway once he said that he didn't have those same issues and that they applied to when he was young and in college, and not the case anymore, I stopped with trying to friend zone him. But he had already become cocky by that point anyway. Like I said a few days after I revealed to him that he was my little office crush, that is when his behavior had changed. Looking back on it, I realized that I pulled a similar tactic that I had done in previous situations, where I tell a guy I like him, but my actions don't line up because I ignore them, avoid them, and try to hook them up with other people to avoid getting hurt. It's weird I know. Anyway the situation has been resolved at this point.

But I do want to add, that it IS weird for a man you've known for a month to constantly want you to be around his family. I'm sorry but it just is. We don't know each other enough yet, so why would I be comfortable with meeting mom and dad, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc? I believe in a gradual courtship where you spend time getting to know each other FIRST then right as things get serious get the family involved. Not do it right from the start.
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Old 11-02-2013, 05:51 PM
 
14,445 posts, read 17,392,595 times
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Treat him EXACTLY how he treats you and no different. If he just treats you like his running buddy, then return the same treatment to him and never up the ante unless he does first. Also, start seeing other guys you like, you two may be a mismatch.
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Old 11-02-2013, 06:13 PM
 
3,067 posts, read 2,516,699 times
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Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Treat him EXACTLY how he treats you and no different. If he just treats you like his running buddy, then return the same treatment to him and never up the ante unless he does first. Also, start seeing other guys you like, you two may be a mismatch.
I think there (were) maybe just some communication issues. He's never dated a shy girl before. I did start treating him the way he would treat me(or so I thought)--he teased me, I'd tease him back. I would ignore him. Avoid him, etc. It may have contributed to him getting more cocky/and not wanting to reveal much to me because he didn't understand my behavior. When we spoke yesterday he told me I "never walk with him" when I take my break, or let him know when I',m taking a break so that I could take one with him, I always run away from him, I never join him for lunch anymore, etc. He invites me out I turn him down. I don't come to his desk to chat, and yet he comes to mind. He doesn't really care what coworkers think(in terms of whether they think something is going on between us), but I do care so that probably has a lot to do with my behavior. I didn't want things to be so transparent, and as a result, without it being intentional he felt like I was treating him more like a buddy or maybe didn't really like him. Anyway, thanks for the advice. I think I'm just awkward and that anyone I date in the beginning will not get me. I'm going to try a new approach of trying to follow what he does--if he comes to my desk to chat a lot, then I guess I should start going to his. If he invites me to lunch, I guess I'll go instead of avoiding him, etc. See if maybe once he feels more secure he won't be so cocky.
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