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Old 11-02-2013, 06:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post
I think there (were) maybe just some communication issues. He's never dated a shy girl before. I did start treating him the way he would treat me(or so I thought)--he teased me, I'd tease him back. I would ignore him. Avoid him, etc. It may have contributed to him getting more cocky/and not wanting to reveal much to me because he didn't understand my behavior. When we spoke yesterday he told me I "never walk with him" when I take my break, or let him know when I',m taking a break so that I could take one with him, I always run away from him, I never join him for lunch anymore, etc. He invites me out I turn him down. I don't come to his desk to chat, and yet he comes to mind. He doesn't really care what coworkers think(in terms of whether they think something is going on between us), but I do care so that probably has a lot to do with my behavior. I didn't want things to be so transparent, and as a result, without it being intentional he felt like I was treating him more like a buddy or maybe didn't really like him. Anyway, thanks for the advice. I think I'm just awkward and that anyone I date in the beginning will not get me. I'm going to try a new approach of trying to follow what he does--if he comes to my desk to chat a lot, then I guess I should start going to his. If he invites me to lunch, I guess I'll go instead of avoiding him, etc. See if maybe once he feels more secure he won't be so cocky.
I never said run away from him or turn him down, that's the opposite of what I said. I said do exactly what he does. If he asks, go with him. But if he keeps it in buddy status, then you keep it there too.
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Old 11-02-2013, 06:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by srjth View Post
I never said run away from him or turn him down, that's the opposite of what I said. I said do exactly what he does. If he asks, go with him. But if he keeps it in buddy status, then you keep it there too.
Great suggestion. So basically don't initiate or reciprocate anything until he does it first?
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Old 11-02-2013, 06:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post
Great suggestion. So basically don't initiate or reciprocate anything until he does it first?
You should always reciprocate, but if you are in doubt of his romantic feelings for you, don't initiate. At least not more than a friendly hangout at your family's BBQ or something.
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Old 11-02-2013, 06:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by srjth View Post
You should always reciprocate, but if you are in doubt of his romantic feelings for you, don't initiate. At least not more than a friendly hangout at your family's BBQ or something.
I never really initiate anyway. I don't doubt that he has romantic feelings for me at all. What I doubt is what his intentions are exactly--is he just interested in some office fling, something casual, something serious, etc. That's probably the only thing I doubt--and that is probably why subconsiously I'm not reciprocating either, I don't want to get too invested and end up liking someone who may not want the same thing as I. I don't get the feeling that he's after sex(though I could be naive) because he never makes references to anything sexual and genuinely is interested in what I say, my life, etc and talking to me about his life. The only thing he ever asked that I sort of thought could have been sexual in nature, was if I had any pics of me in workout pants. And the question was asked after we were having a conversation about working out. I told him I did not(even though I did) and he was fine with it. But yeah I think I'm just a little weary about what his intentions are and if he would even really be honest about what his intentions were. I know some guys will say they want an LTR at first, but then back out(especially if they've had commitment issues) or some guys may say they want a casual relationship but really they just want an FWB that they get romantic with from time to time.

The only reason I haven't brought up the conversation, is because I feel like it's better that he bring it up first. So you've sort of confirmed what I've already known--that I really just need to follow what he does and let him do the initiating and not offer anything or reveal anymore statements about liking, crushing, or anything of the sort until he does it.
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Old 11-02-2013, 06:49 PM
 
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Yes I understand. Some guys do not know how to show that they are emotionally invested or simply refuse to, and it's difficult for a woman to tell if he just won't show it even though he is, or if he's not emotionally invested. They look exactly alike. Your safest bet as a woman is to assume the worst and assume he is not invested, until it is shown differently.
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Old 11-02-2013, 06:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Yes I understand. Some guys do not know how to show that they are emotionally invested or simply refuse to, and it's difficult for a woman to tell if he just won't show it even though he is, or if he's not emotionally invested. They look exactly alike. Your safest bet as a woman is to assume the worst and assume he is not invested, until it is shown differently.
Haha, ok thanks. It looks like I'm playing it right. Until he tells me verbally that he likes me, asks me to be his gf, or gives me some type of clue into how he feels directly, I'm going to do what you said!
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Old 11-02-2013, 06:59 PM
 
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This also a bit off topic and maybe kind of bad. On friday when we were talking he asked me where I lived. We had been having a conversation about Halloween and I had told I was suprised by the amount of people that came by to get candy because the suburb I live in is pretty isolated and doesn't have too many kids. He asked me for my address because he wanted to see what suburb I was talking about him. And I was hesitant but I figured, since he lives like 25 minutes away chances are he wouldn't know the area anyway and I doubt he would just pop up or anything. So after I told him, he looked it up, and then he was like "Wow. You live literally in the same suburb as my best friend, he lives off of X street". And he was like "He is like a minute away from you"... And then I thought about it, and I knew exactly what street he was talking about. And he was right that street is literally right NEXT to my house. I knew I f**** up. He said that he's in that area all the time, and he'll actually be there next weekend. And he was like "that's so funny that you live right by him", etc and kept talking about it. I just got this bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I feel like this situation is getting more messy--we work together, and his best friend lives right next to me. I know I was advised not to date a coworker(and at this point I probably should have listened). Now I'm paranoid about him knowing where I live. I'm always self-conscious about how I look at work, and really about everything because sometimes he'll just pop up at my desk when I don't expect it. I'm NEVER going to date a coworker again.

I keep telling myself that my situation is not as messy as another coworkers--this coworker met another coworker in march, they got engaged over the summer, they just got married this weekend, and then I find out that she's pregnant.
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Old 11-06-2013, 03:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post

I keep telling myself that my situation is not as messy as another coworkers--this coworker met another coworker in march, they got engaged over the summer, they just got married this weekend, and then I find out that she's pregnant.
I've never heard of an engagement, then marriage , then children called a "messy situation" before....It's called love.(and being very responsible)....did you wish them well?
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Old 11-06-2013, 05:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by purehuman View Post
I've never heard of an engagement, then marriage , then children called a "messy situation" before....It's called love.(and being very responsible)....did you wish them well?
It's messy in that they met in March. Got married a couple of weeks ago and she's having twins. Do the math lol. It was more like a shot gun wedding and what looks to be a 8 month romance. Ur telling me that two people under 30, that work together, get pregnant within 6 months of dating, get married, etc is not even a little messy?

I did wish them well though.
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Old 11-08-2013, 05:24 PM
 
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That's not "messy"..that's life...who cares if she was pregnant before marriage..lots of people are..I know lots of "shot gun" weddings that have withstood the test of time...
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