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Old 10-31-2013, 02:38 PM
3,067 posts, read 2,516,699 times
Reputation: 3608


If you've read any of my other threads I'm dating a co-worker or at least attempting to. At first I thought he was shy like me and reserved but while he definitely seemed nervous the first couple of weeks it seems like he stopped being as nervous and started getting cocky. I made the mistake of telling him that he was my "little office crush" and it went to his head. Lately it seems like a lot of our interactions have been teasing each other and cracking jokes which I'm fine with. I did try to friend zone him a week or so ago because he had admitted he had commitment issues in previous relationships. Later on he came out and said that the commitment issues he was talking about were issues he had in his younger college days, and that he isn't like that anymore. so we talk everyday, etc. I would hang out with him more if he would stop inviting me to family things. For instance he wanted me to have drinks with him and his brother last week, then come over to watch a movie. And today he asked me to come with him while he takes his little cousins trick or treating the catch is that we would be leaving from his parents house. He asked me on a double date with a best friend of his that I have never met, etc. so I've sort of blown him off.

It doesn't help that I'm shy and reserved and he admitted I'm the first shy girl he dated. So the issue I'm having is that he rarely gives me compliments(just teases and flirts) and won't come out and tell me how he feels even though I told him. And then like I said he's cocky now, not in terms of bragging or anything but just in terms of the smiles he gives me and just this vibe that I get that he knows he's got me. I'm used to guys constantly complimenting me, and telling me how they feel especially if I tell them how I feel. With him this is not the case. Action wise yes I do know that he likes me, just by how he smiles at me, how often he talks to me, wants to hang out, constantly comes over, etc. he's told me a lot about himself, pretty honest guy. But I don't get this teasing, not tell her I like her thing. Any guy have insight?
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Old 10-31-2013, 09:46 PM
Location: In Sticky San Antonio TX
1,437 posts, read 2,558,198 times
Reputation: 1740
You're with him, we can offer conjecture; he can tell you directly, and let him know you seek an answer, not to be toyed, but so you know where you stand. The games get tiring after a while and a direct question will tell you the caliber of the man. If you choose to be direct, it will show him what you want and how to get it. I am uncertain if it was more 'the chase' for him, and he lacks substance. Just a feeling, but guys typically move a bit more quickly and can be candid when asked serious questions.
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Old 10-31-2013, 09:52 PM
Location: Katonah, NY
21,188 posts, read 21,025,220 times
Reputation: 22134
Do you need him to compliment you all the time? I find that a lot of guys that compliment women up the wazoo aren't always that sincere. My husband isn't the romantic, shower me with compliments and mushy talk kind of guy - but when he does tell me things, I know he really means them.
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Old 10-31-2013, 10:03 PM
11,682 posts, read 14,443,240 times
Reputation: 19126
He's got you wrapped around his finger already. The lack of compliments is what keeps you interested (hence this discussion). He's not stupid.
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Old 10-31-2013, 10:38 PM
Location: Wyoming
9,421 posts, read 17,414,188 times
Reputation: 14102
I don't believe the lack of compliments means anything. He's getting used to you, so (for example) your normal good looks or nice outfit, hair, etc., isn't too likely to get you a compliment, especially if he's a younger guy. My wife is an attractive woman, slender, and always has nice hair. I tell her now and then how nice she looks but not often because it's normal and I don't think about it. And I'm an old fart and know that women like to be complimented! In my younger years it would have been much less often.

He wants to spend time with you and wants you to spend time with his family. That's a VERY good indication that he likes you a lot! Some (of us) guys are just stupid when it comes to saying the right thing to women. I'd say I started catching on in my late 40s.
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Old 10-31-2013, 10:41 PM
Location: Texas
4,933 posts, read 6,802,560 times
Reputation: 5494
Fight fire with fire! When he asks you to do something with him, tell him you can't because you have a date with someone else. It can be a date with SATC and a bowl of ice cream, but it doesn't matter as long as he doesn't know that. Give him a week to mull that over and then you'll bring balance back into things. Then ask him point blank where y'all stand.
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Old 11-01-2013, 08:51 AM
3,067 posts, read 2,516,699 times
Reputation: 3608
Hi everyone thank you for the responses! No I do not need him to compliment me all the time but its just weird to me, every guy I've encountered has complimented me a lot. I'm not used to not being complimented. So I guess it did bother me and make me think he was not attracted to me. In terms of the teasing it's starting to turn me off. The first few weeks he seemed like a nice gentlemanly awkward type of a guy, and I felt at times he was stalking me. Then the moment I told him that he was my crush he did a 180 and started the cocky behavior and the constant teasing.

I want him to go back to the way he was. Lol. Also I get the feeling he is frustrated that I am shy because he's never dated a shy girl. so he will make little comments about it, like why am I running away from him, why don't I do this or that, etc. admitting I have blown him off when he's asked me out but it was because a) it was an event that he wanted me to go to that involved his family and I didnt feel comfortable or b) it was too last minute and I have a child and can't just do things at the spur of the moment. So yesterday he did make a comment about me blowing him off. Anyway I think I will try everyone's advice of pulling back completely and ignoring him next week and trying to date other guys that don't need to tease all the time. Off topic but I'm sick of dating guys that tease and play little flirting games and it keeps happening. All the guys seem different from the start but then begin the whole teasing act. None of them have the same personality either. The only thing they have in common is that I'm the first shy girl they've dated. So is it something about me that causes men to want to tease and flirt a lot?
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Old 11-01-2013, 08:58 AM
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,086 posts, read 8,380,134 times
Reputation: 11578
The guy is inviting you to meet his friends and family, and you're insecure because he jokes around with you and doesn't shower you with compliments every minute of the day? So your new strategy is to just ignore him? Really mature.
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Old 11-01-2013, 09:02 AM
12,886 posts, read 15,451,091 times
Reputation: 14854
I'm not sure why you won't go out with him when he's with his brother, or to other family events. If anything I would think that him wanting to include you in his interaction with his family is a compliment....I think he's right and you are blowing him off...your putting him in the "friend"zone (because of what's happened in his past) which he willingly shared with you, is proof...Maybe it's you who aren't really into him?
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Old 11-01-2013, 09:06 AM
Location: Colorado
1,968 posts, read 1,985,952 times
Reputation: 1724
Can you just talk to him in a non-attacking way and note that you don't like the teasing, etc.?
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