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Old 11-01-2013, 11:35 AM
 
458 posts, read 537,415 times
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Did you honestly try to kiss her at all during the date?
If you didn't, then you blew it.

A kiss (especially a passionate one) is a complete game changer.
You might think you went on the most "perfect" date ever and passed her approval ratings with flying colors, but not kissing her is equivalent to wasting both her time and yours.
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Old 11-01-2013, 11:48 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,800 posts, read 3,016,834 times
Reputation: 4784
I'm the type who likes to let everyone have a good time on a date even if I have already decided there is no future. Perhaps this girl is like that. There is no use in looking too hard on what you might have done wrong. She probably made up her mind way before you even asked for the second date.
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Old 11-01-2013, 08:07 PM
 
Location: SF CA, USA
4,188 posts, read 4,362,513 times
Reputation: 4943
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrSloan View Post
Did you honestly try to kiss her at all during the date?
If you didn't, then you blew it.

A kiss (especially a passionate one) is a complete game changer.
You might think you went on the most "perfect" date ever and passed her approval ratings with flying colors, but not kissing her is equivalent to wasting both her time and yours.
I think it depends on the person. I'm sure there are women who will respond positively to you going for a French kiss and others who liked you up until that point and will be completely skeeved out by it.
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Old 11-01-2013, 10:17 PM
 
Location: Massachusetts
73 posts, read 178,313 times
Reputation: 172
I wonder if my mistake was walking her to her door. I ran it by a buddy today and he seems to think so. Here's what happened at the end of the date:

We pulled up to her place and we sat in the car and talked for a little bit, and she kind of leaned in and was looking in my eyes with a smile like she wanted me to kiss her. I hesitated, and then we got out of the car and walked to her front step. As she was unlocking her door she made a comment about her dad being home (she still lives with her folks), and that's when I gave her a hug and asked her to go out again next week, which is when she told me that she was getting serious about someone else/she had no intentions other than getting to know me.

My buddy thinks two things could have occurred: 1. she knew I chickened out with kissing her and that turned her off, or 2. she thought I was trying to get her to invite me in (which was not my intent), and that creeped her out (hence the dad comment and her saying she "had no other intentions"). I don't want to over think this, but it's bothering me particularly because I thought she was into me, and we had so much in common I thought for sure we'd be compatible. Anyway, what do you think?
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Old 11-01-2013, 11:09 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
671 posts, read 816,330 times
Reputation: 837
Quote:
Originally Posted by gamma19 View Post
I wonder if my mistake was walking her to her door. I ran it by a buddy today and he seems to think so. Here's what happened at the end of the date:

We pulled up to her place and we sat in the car and talked for a little bit, and she kind of leaned in and was looking in my eyes with a smile like she wanted me to kiss her. I hesitated, and then we got out of the car and walked to her front step. As she was unlocking her door she made a comment about her dad being home (she still lives with her folks), and that's when I gave her a hug and asked her to go out again next week, which is when she told me that she was getting serious about someone else/she had no intentions other than getting to know me.

My buddy thinks two things could have occurred: 1. she knew I chickened out with kissing her and that turned her off, or 2. she thought I was trying to get her to invite me in (which was not my intent), and that creeped her out (hence the dad comment and her saying she "had no other intentions"). I don't want to over think this, but it's bothering me particularly because I thought she was into me, and we had so much in common I thought for sure we'd be compatible. Anyway, what do you think?
Hmmm...those suggestions could be the reason; but I don't think you did anything wrong. Sounds like you might have dodged a bullet. If she's getting serious with someone else she shouldn't be dating and if she can't appreciate you for the kindness you showed her on the date then she doesn't deserve a second date with you. Sometimes we never know the real answer, time to move on
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Old 11-01-2013, 11:38 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
32,894 posts, read 19,852,928 times
Reputation: 12801
Quote:
Originally Posted by gamma19 View Post
I recently went on a first date with a woman that I thought was going really well, until the end. I'm in my mid-20s and so is she. We met at a laundromat, talked for a bit and hit it off, traded numbers, texted back and forth, and set up a date. She had work the afternoon of the date and I had plans later on as well, so we agreed to grab lunch. I picked up her up at her place and we went out to eat. After lunch, we grabbed coffees and went for a walk around the town center. We had a lot in common in terms of interests, goals, etc., and she was smiling a lot, being flirtatious, and laughing at my jokes.

Here's where it got weird.

After the walk, I drove her back to her house and walked her to her door. I gave her a hug, and she said she had a good time. I asked her if she wanted to get together again next week, and she became awkward and said that she "was getting serious with someone else and had no intentions other than getting to know (me)". I played it off as non-awkwardly as possible, said "okay I understand", said goodbye, and left.

My question is, where did I screw up, if I did? She seemed to really be enjoying herself during the date, and said it as well. Did I come off as needy by asking her out on a second date too soon? Could she have been creeped out that I walked her to her door instead of just dropping her off? Or should I just take what she had to say at face value, forget about her, and move on?
geeze, please stop thinking you have done something wrong. Not everything is automatically your fault.

She perhaps didn't feel the chemistry, she perhaps really meant what she said, "was getting serious with someone else and had no intentions other than getting to know you." Her reason doesn't matter, reality is that she is not interested.

Move on and find yourself another one.
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Old 11-02-2013, 06:09 AM
 
7,141 posts, read 7,908,860 times
Reputation: 4370
Quote:
Originally Posted by DrSloan View Post
Did you honestly try to kiss her at all during the date?
If you didn't, then you blew it.

A kiss (especially a passionate one) is a complete game changer.
You might think you went on the most "perfect" date ever and passed her approval ratings with flying colors, but not kissing her is equivalent to wasting both her time and yours.

ive lost second dates by moving in for the kiss and in one instance the girl needed little encouragement to engage in tonsil hockey

she then emailed me a few days later to say I came on too strong

women are complex
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Old 11-03-2013, 10:02 AM
 
Location: North Idaho
22,342 posts, read 28,222,268 times
Reputation: 42914
Quote:
Originally Posted by gamma19 View Post
.......................

My question is, where did I screw up, if I did? She seemed to really be enjoying herself during the date, and said it as well............Could she have been creeped out that I walked her to her door instead of just dropping her off?
It is impossible to say whether you did anything wrong or not, without accompanying you on the date and observing.

It is good manners to see your date safely to her doorstep. No, that is not creepy, unless you use it as an opportunity to grab or try to force your way into her house.

It's been a conversation at a laundromat and lunch. Those are getting-to-know-you activities. I would guess that something in the conversation tipped her off that you two are not long term compatible so that it isn't worth investing any time.

You had an enjoyable day. Leave it at that.

Note: not that I am accusing you, OP, because I don't think it applies to you, but there are some men out there that believe that if they are having a good time or enjoying it, that means that everybody is having a good time. Some of those men get angry or even violent if it is indicated to them that the other person involved is not having a good time. If a woman has experienced one of those men, she learns to keep her feelings to herself and to pretend that she is also enjoying herself until she gets an opportunity to escape.

What I'm saying here is that it doesn't guarantee that a woman is having the best experience of her life just because she keeps smiling and being pleasant.
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Old 11-03-2013, 12:15 PM
 
17,970 posts, read 19,711,650 times
Reputation: 26291
She just found the other guy more interesting. Move on.
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Old 11-03-2013, 12:26 PM
 
204 posts, read 275,805 times
Reputation: 143
I've heard stories like this too many times before, just par for the course in understanding the female brain which changes more times than us men can bother to count. One minute a female is into you, the next she's getting serious with someone else...
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