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Old 10-31-2013, 09:23 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,993 posts, read 21,635,335 times
Reputation: 22099

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Several months ago Hubby was promoted and we relocated to another state. His job requires traveling at least three weeks out of the month.

The newness of everything took a few weeks to settle in. Now however I feel as if he is an absentee husband and parent. Everything falls on my shoulders, from working a full time job, parenting, keeping the house clean driving the kids places etc etc etc

I just don't know how to balance life, I feel like a circus act juggling everything until it comes crashing down. It has been impossible to cultivate any friendships so I have no one to lean on. I have tried to talk to him but come off bitter and upset and we end up fighting. Any advice would be appreciated. I am so frustrated I can't deal.
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Old 10-31-2013, 09:27 PM
 
473 posts, read 717,643 times
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my job had me travelling for a big project for the last 3 years. I would be gone a few weeks, back a few weeks, then gone again. I know it was hard on my wife, but she pulled it off. I honestly don't know how, but she did. I know for a fact it was very hard on her, and the missing out so much of our kids games/etc was hard on me.

My advice is if this is something temporary do what you can to get thru it. If it is something that will be permanent then you need to calmly discuss it with him after he has been home a few days. Let him know that you really can't handle this forever, some folks can but it just is not in you. DON'T layout ultimatums, just express your feelings calmly and rationally.
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Old 10-31-2013, 09:31 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,993 posts, read 21,635,335 times
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Thanks, this is permanent and we do need to talk, calmly. It may time for therapy, we cannot seem to communicate without fighting.
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Old 10-31-2013, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,628 posts, read 44,069,883 times
Reputation: 24962
Do you have family to help out?
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Old 10-31-2013, 09:53 PM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,666 posts, read 7,632,897 times
Reputation: 14830
With the limited information you've given, I can only come up with one suggestion. Think of it this way. With the husband gone, you're basically functioning like a single parent, with a full time job. That's extremely tough. My guess is that the husband makes fairly good money, and is the primary bread winner. What you might consider is quitting your job, cutting back to part time or finding a different job that you can work part time. IMHO the well being of your children and your marriage is more important than the money. You might find it hard to see at first that you could get by on less income, but most people can afford to do it, as long as they cut back on toys, stuff, and keeping up with the Joneses.
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Old 10-31-2013, 09:53 PM
 
Location: Katonah, NY
21,199 posts, read 20,903,945 times
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Can you move to where he works?
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Old 10-31-2013, 10:28 PM
 
6,758 posts, read 8,268,623 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
Several months ago Hubby was promoted and we relocated to another state. His job requires traveling at least three weeks out of the month.... this is permanent
WOW.

Just moving to another state and losing your whole support structure is a huge deal. On top of that, you have lost your husband, except for 25% of each month. I guess you two did not realise how hard this would be?

Instead of quitting work, you might consider hiring a nanny/housekeeper. A substitute second parent.

But I still don't see how it con be sustainable. How can you have a marriage when you never see each other?


Quote:
and we do need to talk, calmly. It may time for therapy, we cannot seem to communicate without fighting.
Good idea. You might both benefit from a trained professional.
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Old 10-31-2013, 10:41 PM
 
18,100 posts, read 19,861,860 times
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My wife used to travel 2weeks out if the month. She sacrificed and I did too. We were working for a long term goal. If it bothers you that much you need to sit down and TALK to him not yell scream and flip out. His job requires this sacrifice. He's probably as peed off for being away as you are because he's away
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Old 11-01-2013, 01:50 AM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,596 posts, read 35,213,254 times
Reputation: 14693
I work out of town 2 weeks on 2 weeks off in the woods mostly. The Mrs runs her own business in a town 130 miles from our actual house where I stay, so we have an apartment not far from her business. We get to see each other a mere 2 to 4 days a month anymore! We don't have children to care for so that helps. It is really getting old not getting to see her but those few days. Things may change next spring and it's going to be rough going through another winter like this. When we do together we try to make the most of it.

I feel your pain veuvegirl.
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Old 11-01-2013, 04:53 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,489 posts, read 8,693,750 times
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You don't have to do everything. Coping involves setting priorities, evaluating and making trade-offs based on what is important to you. It's all based on your priorities, not on absolutes. Don't sacrifice and suffer; make choices.
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