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I was very casual acquaintances with a very beautiful girl in college. We graduated 2 years ago, and haven't spoken since in person, or online.
Yesterday I messaged her on Facebook out of the blue asking how she was doing etc, and asked her if she wanted to get drinks to catch up. She said of course.
She did mention in conversation she had a boyfriend, but that was before I asked her out to drinks.
How do you ask someone to spend time with you platonically? Do you just qualify your invitation with an "as friends"?
i don't really think one can make someone else stop liking them "that way"
of course someone with good manners and/or who only likes you a little bit "that way" can refrain from treating it like a date if it's clear it's inappropriate... they might even completely lose interest in response, making it genuinely platonic
but i think that has a lot more to do with the other person rather than any qualification one might put on an invite. i'm sure you've already met plenty of guys who just didn't get it
i don't really think one can make someone else stop liking them "that way"
of course someone with good manners and/or who only likes you a little bit "that way" can refrain from treating it like a date if it's clear it's inappropriate... they might even completely lose interest in response, making it genuinely platonic
but i think that has a lot more to do with the other person rather than any qualification one might put on an invite. i'm sure you've already met plenty of guys who just didn't get it
My intention would not be to "make" someone stop liking me that way, though. My hope would be that he would understand that I don't have romantic feelings for him and that he would refrain from acting on any he might have (or just to let him know that I know he's not interested in me).
I'm not sure what "treating it like a date" means. Flirting? Getting handsy?
My intention would not be to "make" someone stop liking me that way, though. My hope would be that he would understand that I don't have romantic feelings for him and that he would refrain from acting on any he might have (or just to let him know that I know he's not interested in me).
I'm not sure what "treating it like a date" means. Flirting? Getting handsy?
flirting, hoping, etc
i file this away as one of those "CDR only" problems though. i don't think any kind of misunderstanding remotely like this has happened to me in at least 10 years
i think the worst way to do it is to just come right out and say it though. too many gals do that and don't mean it. for good or ill that approach is ruined. usually body language, no flirting, etc is more effective IMO. or the old reliable mentioning your BF thing - even if you don't have one (although apparently even that doesn't always work judging from OP!)
i file this away as one of those "CDR only" problems though. i don't think any kind of misunderstanding remotely like this has happened to me in at least 10 years
i think the worst way to do it is to just come right out and say it though. too many gals do that and don't mean it. for good or ill that approach is ruined. usually body language, no flirting, etc is more effective IMO. or the old reliable mentioning your BF thing - even if you don't have one (although apparently even that doesn't always work judging from OP!)
I guess I'm the worst then. I do it all the time. If I didn't, I think every guy Ive had interest in would feel like I led him on if it didn't escalate. Oh wells. Can't win I guess.
No. You want to go on a date with a woman who has a boyfriend? Don't be that guy.
Did you two actually set a date and time or did she just say "yes"? If the latter is true then she could still bail on it.
Seconded. Do not be that guy.
I add my vote to "It's definitely not a date". She purposefully mentioned she had a boyfriend. If the OP wants to meet up with her to stay in touch just in case down the road she may be single again, fine. But he shouldn't put any eggs in this basket.
Quote:
Originally Posted by irish_bob
im having coffee with a girl tomorrow who I had one date with six weeks ago , I was instantly smitten and told her so a week later by phone ( well I told her I liked her ) , unfortunately she told me she wasn't over a fairly recent breakup and that she was removing herself from the dating scene so we never had a second date , despite this she made contact with me via email and text a fortnight after that ( apparently final ) conversation and since then has either emailed or text me every four days to say hi and appeared very friendly ( although not flirty )
she mentioned she would like to meet up for coffee and were doing it tomorrow , I don't really know what to make of her motives , is she perhaps trying to give things a second go romantically , usually when a girl tells you shes not ready for a relationship , she breaks it to you nicely but you don't tend to hear from them again
maybe she plans to use me like a gay male friend , to ***** about men or something
I never consider coffee a date, but you should know quickly if it is her intention to friendzone you. If you are still interested in her, ask her to do something at night (preferably on a weekend) and that you'll pick her up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
Maybe she figures that if you don't treasure her as a platonic friend then you have no business in her pants.
I guess I'm the worst then. I do it all the time. If I didn't, I think every guy Ive had interest in would feel like I led him on if it didn't escalate. Oh wells. Can't win I guess.
perhaps for some guys it helps. personally i try to judge the subtleties of how someone feels based on how they act. often it's more reliable than how they say they feel. that goes for all situations not just dating and the like IMO
not to say all such statements should be ignored
i don't think i've ever complained about a girl leading me on either. usually it's lame to do that. even if you were led on
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(although apparently even that doesn't always work judging from OP!)
