Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
Gosh, in the relationships i am familiar with, people trade off. One works while the other goes to school, and then when that person graduates they work and the person who was working goes to school -- or writes the great american novel, or starts a business, or whatever.
Why would you assume an unfair arrangement?
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Gosh, did you miss the part where I said I
LIVED it?
And please, don't be naive. Let me see how many cases I can think of where after one person got the "freedom" to pursue an education or dream, then either didn't return the favor or split.
My god-mother, who put her first husband through dental school. He split after he got his license.
My friend, who worked two jobs while her ex-husband went back to school for a graduate degree. He split after he obtained it.
My sister, who also worked two jobs, while her first husband sunk money into a restaurant, and when the restaurant took off, so did he.
My friend, who lived with a woman who was in school and cut her the slack on rent only to find out she had plenty of money--after she left and bought a condo right after she got her degree and a job.
My SO, whose ex-girlfriend decided that pursuing her dream meant staying home on her arse playing with the pets instead of actually doing her artwork, going to school, or taking steps toward that career.
And then there is me, who agreed to be the primary breadwinner while he finished his undergrad, and then look at that, he took elective after elective after elective. He didn't finish his undergrad until after we divorced, because then he
had to. But I knew I was never going to get a shot at MY dream, which was working for myself, had I stayed married to him.
So spare me the pollyanna nonsense with the "gosh, why would you ever assume such teeeeerrrrrible things blink-blink" tone. This kind of thing happens to people every day. There are a lot of people in this world who make promises about how they will repay someone or return the favor, and when it's time to call in the debt or live up to their word and keep things running while someone else gets a shot, disappear.
And not for nothing, but marriage isn't a venture capitalist arrangement. Fund yer own dang dreams like the rest of us with our student loans and ramen dinners when we launch a business or go freelance. A spouse is not a work horse or a cash cow for you to drain while you find yourself or live in dreamy la-la land. In fact, if you're not finished with school or don't know what you want to be when you grow up, don't marry. Marry when you're established and can bring something to the table other than extra work and debt. Really.
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