Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-03-2013, 10:59 AM
 
Location: San Diego
306 posts, read 654,850 times
Reputation: 263

Advertisements

If you were going to be getting married and had substantial assets and the other did not have much would you bring your assets into the marriage or would you keep it separately? What if the other person wanted your existing assets to be brought into the marriage and thought that keeping stuff separately was against the spirit of a marriage? Would you do it?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-03-2013, 11:07 AM
 
15,714 posts, read 21,025,033 times
Reputation: 12818
Quote:
Originally Posted by redrocket2 View Post
If you were going to be getting married and had substantial assets and the other did not have much would you bring your assets into the marriage or would you keep it separately? What if the other person wanted your existing assets to be brought into the marriage and thought that keeping stuff separately was against the spirit of a marriage? Would you do it?
I agree, it goes against the spirit of marriage, which in my opinion, is to become one unit working together. I simply would not get married if I didn't want to share everything I have/own with my spouse. Other's may feel differently.

If there is such a disparity between 2 people though, I don't see how a marriage/relationship can work.

There have been a LOT of threads on prenups. Your best bet would be to search for those.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2013, 11:08 AM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,583,059 times
Reputation: 12334
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
I agree, it goes against the spirit of marriage, which in my opinion, is to become one unit working together. I simply would not get married if I didn't want to share everything I have/own with my spouse. Other's may feel differently.

If there is such a disparity between 2 people though, I don't see how a marriage/relationship can work.
Ditto.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2013, 11:19 AM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,966,668 times
Reputation: 6848
I would probably keep them separate but not forever.

People usually get married after about 2 years of relationship. For me, I don't feel that is enough time to really know someone, and to know how the relationship will go. But after we'd been together 5 or 10 years, it would seem silly to have things separate.

Another option is to delay getting married, but some people interpret that as being less interested.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2013, 11:20 AM
 
Location: San Diego
306 posts, read 654,850 times
Reputation: 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
If there is such a disparity between 2 people though, I don't see how a marriage/relationship can work.
Disparity in assets or disparity in viewpoints?

Most financial advisers you will talk too including Suze Orman say that people who get married should 100% have pre-nups because their judgement is clouded by love. Almost all people who get married believe their marriage will last for life, however in reality the divorce rate is 50% which means 1 in 2 will fail. That's a pretty huge difference between reality and what people think will happen.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2013, 11:21 AM
 
Location: NoVA
832 posts, read 1,412,794 times
Reputation: 1637
Quote:
Originally Posted by redrocket2 View Post
If you were going to be getting married and had substantial assets and the other did not have much would you bring your assets into the marriage or would you keep it separately? What if the other person wanted your existing assets to be brought into the marriage and thought that keeping stuff separately was against the spirit of a marriage? Would you do it?
Heck no.

Anyone who's been married before and finances were part of the reason for divorce, would totally understand why the person would feel more secure if finances were not entwined in round two.

If me wanting to keep my 13" 10 year old TV in my name only and having him sign a note saying he can't have my TV no matter what, is going to be something to end the relationship, then I don't want to be in it. No matter what, he's still not going to get my TV so it's no loss to either. And I've got no interest in his comic book collection. I figure we're even.

You should never gamble with more than what you can afford to lose.

I value my independence over his "assets". I know I sound like a jaded divorcee. But that's just the truth of the matter for me and I don't say it from a bitter place.

There is not one thing any man could offer me to tempt me to put all my eggs in his basket a second time.

Because there is no worse feeling than that of helplessness when the poop hits the fan.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2013, 11:22 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,894,584 times
Reputation: 15255
Quote:
Originally Posted by redrocket2 View Post
If you were going to be getting married and had substantial assets and the other did not have much would you bring your assets into the marriage or would you keep it separately? What if the other person wanted your existing assets to be brought into the marriage and thought that keeping stuff separately was against the spirit of a marriage? Would you do it?
Protect your ass......ets.

Get a prenup.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2013, 11:23 AM
 
Location: San Diego
306 posts, read 654,850 times
Reputation: 263
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
I would probably keep them separate but not forever.

People usually get married after about 2 years of relationship. For me, I don't feel that is enough time to really know someone, and to know how the relationship will go. But after we'd been together 5 or 10 years, it would seem silly to have things separate.
That is the key point though... are you saying you would wed after a fixed period because it is some kind of societal norm? Sounds like many like you want to "try out the marriage" to see how it goes rather than being sure about it before getting into the commitment.

I do concur with you though that 2 years is way too short for a lifelong commitment but most women in their 30s will not wait around after that due to biological clock issues etc. So, there is definitely huge pressure to either marry or break it off.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2013, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Riverside Ca
22,146 posts, read 33,295,095 times
Reputation: 35433
My wife and I kept everything separate for a while not like there was a lot. We each had a house. 20 years later it's all one big lump now. We had prenups. Didn't mean I didn't love her or her me. It was simple a protective shield for the things we each worked very hard for. We bought house together and everything AFTER we got married was community property. It's all community property now.. I would want to separate my assets. What if she decides to walk after a year or 6 months? She gets 1/2 of what I worked all my life for? Lol no I don't think so.
I would expect her to do the same to protect herself. I heard and seen too many instances where one spouse savaged the finances and left the other person financially mutilated.

Quick story friends married for 25-27 years. He. Started his own business. Everything was great. Except he HELOC ed their vacation home borrowed against everything and funneled money to make the business look good. A few year skater he had to come clean. The ONLY reason he came clean was because the vacation home was going on the auction block in three days. Anyway borrowed 70k to pay off the HELOC and this was gonna be her retirement home which was gonna go to her daughter
If someone can do that after 25 years of marriage what can someone who has been in it for a year do?
You can live with love on cloud 9 but protect your azz on planet earth

Last edited by Electrician4you; 11-03-2013 at 11:32 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-03-2013, 11:24 AM
 
15,714 posts, read 21,025,033 times
Reputation: 12818
Quote:
Originally Posted by redrocket2 View Post
Disparity in assets or disparity in viewpoints?

Most financial advisers you will talk too including Suze Orman say that people who get married should 100% have pre-nups because their judgement is clouded by love. Almost all people who get married believe their marriage will last for life, however in reality the divorce rate is 50% which means 1 in 2 will fail. That's a pretty huge difference between reality and what people think will happen.
Sorry, should have been more clear. I meant viewpoints.

If someone is absolutely opposed to a prenup and someone else is unwilling to marry unless there is one in place, I don't see how that would work. Even if someone gives in, there's going to be resentment.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top