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Old 11-03-2013, 10:59 AM
 
Location: San Diego
306 posts, read 622,877 times
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If you were going to be getting married and had substantial assets and the other did not have much would you bring your assets into the marriage or would you keep it separately? What if the other person wanted your existing assets to be brought into the marriage and thought that keeping stuff separately was against the spirit of a marriage? Would you do it?
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Old 11-03-2013, 11:07 AM
 
15,724 posts, read 20,278,107 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redrocket2 View Post
If you were going to be getting married and had substantial assets and the other did not have much would you bring your assets into the marriage or would you keep it separately? What if the other person wanted your existing assets to be brought into the marriage and thought that keeping stuff separately was against the spirit of a marriage? Would you do it?
I agree, it goes against the spirit of marriage, which in my opinion, is to become one unit working together. I simply would not get married if I didn't want to share everything I have/own with my spouse. Other's may feel differently.

If there is such a disparity between 2 people though, I don't see how a marriage/relationship can work.

There have been a LOT of threads on prenups. Your best bet would be to search for those.
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Old 11-03-2013, 11:08 AM
 
15,019 posts, read 20,413,989 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
I agree, it goes against the spirit of marriage, which in my opinion, is to become one unit working together. I simply would not get married if I didn't want to share everything I have/own with my spouse. Other's may feel differently.

If there is such a disparity between 2 people though, I don't see how a marriage/relationship can work.
Ditto.
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Old 11-03-2013, 11:19 AM
 
6,737 posts, read 9,498,982 times
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I would probably keep them separate but not forever.

People usually get married after about 2 years of relationship. For me, I don't feel that is enough time to really know someone, and to know how the relationship will go. But after we'd been together 5 or 10 years, it would seem silly to have things separate.

Another option is to delay getting married, but some people interpret that as being less interested.
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Old 11-03-2013, 11:20 AM
 
Location: San Diego
306 posts, read 622,877 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
If there is such a disparity between 2 people though, I don't see how a marriage/relationship can work.
Disparity in assets or disparity in viewpoints?

Most financial advisers you will talk too including Suze Orman say that people who get married should 100% have pre-nups because their judgement is clouded by love. Almost all people who get married believe their marriage will last for life, however in reality the divorce rate is 50% which means 1 in 2 will fail. That's a pretty huge difference between reality and what people think will happen.
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Old 11-03-2013, 11:21 AM
 
Location: NoVA
832 posts, read 1,337,676 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redrocket2 View Post
If you were going to be getting married and had substantial assets and the other did not have much would you bring your assets into the marriage or would you keep it separately? What if the other person wanted your existing assets to be brought into the marriage and thought that keeping stuff separately was against the spirit of a marriage? Would you do it?
Heck no.

Anyone who's been married before and finances were part of the reason for divorce, would totally understand why the person would feel more secure if finances were not entwined in round two.

If me wanting to keep my 13" 10 year old TV in my name only and having him sign a note saying he can't have my TV no matter what, is going to be something to end the relationship, then I don't want to be in it. No matter what, he's still not going to get my TV so it's no loss to either. And I've got no interest in his comic book collection. I figure we're even.

You should never gamble with more than what you can afford to lose.

I value my independence over his "assets". I know I sound like a jaded divorcee. But that's just the truth of the matter for me and I don't say it from a bitter place.

There is not one thing any man could offer me to tempt me to put all my eggs in his basket a second time.

Because there is no worse feeling than that of helplessness when the poop hits the fan.
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Old 11-03-2013, 11:22 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 15,897,787 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redrocket2 View Post
If you were going to be getting married and had substantial assets and the other did not have much would you bring your assets into the marriage or would you keep it separately? What if the other person wanted your existing assets to be brought into the marriage and thought that keeping stuff separately was against the spirit of a marriage? Would you do it?
Protect your ass......ets.

Get a prenup.
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Old 11-03-2013, 11:23 AM
 
Location: San Diego
306 posts, read 622,877 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
I would probably keep them separate but not forever.

People usually get married after about 2 years of relationship. For me, I don't feel that is enough time to really know someone, and to know how the relationship will go. But after we'd been together 5 or 10 years, it would seem silly to have things separate.
That is the key point though... are you saying you would wed after a fixed period because it is some kind of societal norm? Sounds like many like you want to "try out the marriage" to see how it goes rather than being sure about it before getting into the commitment.

I do concur with you though that 2 years is way too short for a lifelong commitment but most women in their 30s will not wait around after that due to biological clock issues etc. So, there is definitely huge pressure to either marry or break it off.
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Old 11-03-2013, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Riverside Ca
22,155 posts, read 29,649,998 times
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My wife and I kept everything separate for a while not like there was a lot. We each had a house. 20 years later it's all one big lump now. We had prenups. Didn't mean I didn't love her or her me. It was simple a protective shield for the things we each worked very hard for. We bought house together and everything AFTER we got married was community property. It's all community property now.. I would want to separate my assets. What if she decides to walk after a year or 6 months? She gets 1/2 of what I worked all my life for? Lol no I don't think so.
I would expect her to do the same to protect herself. I heard and seen too many instances where one spouse savaged the finances and left the other person financially mutilated.

Quick story friends married for 25-27 years. He. Started his own business. Everything was great. Except he HELOC ed their vacation home borrowed against everything and funneled money to make the business look good. A few year skater he had to come clean. The ONLY reason he came clean was because the vacation home was going on the auction block in three days. Anyway borrowed 70k to pay off the HELOC and this was gonna be her retirement home which was gonna go to her daughter
If someone can do that after 25 years of marriage what can someone who has been in it for a year do?
You can live with love on cloud 9 but protect your azz on planet earth

Last edited by Electrician4you; 11-03-2013 at 11:32 AM..
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Old 11-03-2013, 11:24 AM
 
15,724 posts, read 20,278,107 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redrocket2 View Post
Disparity in assets or disparity in viewpoints?

Most financial advisers you will talk too including Suze Orman say that people who get married should 100% have pre-nups because their judgement is clouded by love. Almost all people who get married believe their marriage will last for life, however in reality the divorce rate is 50% which means 1 in 2 will fail. That's a pretty huge difference between reality and what people think will happen.
Sorry, should have been more clear. I meant viewpoints.

If someone is absolutely opposed to a prenup and someone else is unwilling to marry unless there is one in place, I don't see how that would work. Even if someone gives in, there's going to be resentment.
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