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Old 11-10-2013, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Southern California
15,088 posts, read 17,510,694 times
Reputation: 10298

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Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelmcandrew View Post
My ex dumped me months ago now and we weren't together very long, but I fell DEEP in love with him and was very vulnerable in the situation. He was never properly committed to me and was a pretty crap boyfriend when it came down to it but I just cannot seem to forget about him. I have good days and then go completely backwards and feel like I'll never get over him. To make it worse, I have been on some terrible dates recently and just cry afterwards because I miss my ex - I'm so lonely and don't know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Every time you think of him, remember this:

"He was never properly committed to me and was a pretty crap boyfriend when it came down to it."

[repeat as necessary]
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Old 11-10-2013, 04:22 PM
 
3,009 posts, read 3,002,005 times
Reputation: 2365
Quote:
Originally Posted by MIKEETC View Post
Every time you think of him, remember this:

"He was never properly committed to me and was a pretty crap boyfriend when it came down to it."

[repeat as necessary]

Also do not date the same kind of guy or you be back on the CD forums saying the same thing over and over. Sorry lady's I am not buying I had no idea he was a jerk line. I know you woman are smarter then that and I like to think they can read and smell a guys BS.

Remember if it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck it a duck.
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Old 11-10-2013, 05:51 PM
 
Location: Midwest
706 posts, read 990,442 times
Reputation: 875
Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelmcandrew View Post
My ex dumped me months ago now and we weren't together very long, but I fell DEEP in love with him and was very vulnerable in the situation. He was never properly committed to me and was a pretty crap boyfriend when it came down to it but I just cannot seem to forget about him. I have good days and then go completely backwards and feel like I'll never get over him. To make it worse, I have been on some terrible dates recently and just cry afterwards because I miss my ex - I'm so lonely and don't know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.
You said he wasn't very good too u. I'm sorry for that however it makes one wonder why you would be so "in love" with someone like that.

You need to take a break from dating to work on yourself (self confidence). Then you may begin to notice you're better off without him. If it's really deep seeded maybe seek professional help. You'd be amazed how much you'll open your eyes when you're in a better state mentally.

Good luck ((hugs))
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Old 11-10-2013, 08:14 PM
 
Location: Central Florida
341 posts, read 447,740 times
Reputation: 606
Two words.... "boyfriend bonfire". Just keep a fire extinguisher or bucket of water nearby

You need closure. Get rid of all traces of him, let go of all the negatives, and move on. Be realistic about the relationship you had with him. How can you miss someone that was not good to, or for, you? What you miss is the brief (ridiculously brief, in most cases) time that things were good between you two. It is always good in the beginning, but then you got to know him, and his true nature came out.
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Old 12-15-2013, 01:51 PM
 
2 posts, read 1,437 times
Reputation: 12
There's an issue around being attracted to unavailable men. They can be lovely one minute and horrible the next. So you end up like a gambler, losing money, but always hoping for that big win. Or like an addict, chasing the first wonderful "hit".

Sometimes people are all charm and warmth on the surface but under it there's utter selfishness. And we yearn and yearn after the first view we had of them, refusing to accept that it was only a mask.

We may ourselves be emotionally unavailable, and only really drawn to the drama of being loved then rejected.

I am like this. I don't know the answer. But at least I have some idea of what the problem was.
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Old 12-15-2013, 01:52 PM
 
2 posts, read 1,437 times
Reputation: 12
Or women, too - both sexes can be "unavailable".
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Old 12-15-2013, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Missouri
6,047 posts, read 21,609,687 times
Reputation: 5051
Give yourself time. My ex-husband was a totally jerk but it still took quite some time to get over him. Peacelillie's post rang true for me, about missing the fantasy. In the beginning of a relationship, we start out with all these hopes, dreams, and expectations. It hurts to see all that go down the drain, and it hurts to let it go. But over time, it will get easier.
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Old 12-15-2013, 04:19 PM
 
56 posts, read 68,886 times
Reputation: 59
Vanityvanity, I loved your reply. I've started a blog about this topic to help others (Tissues & Issues) and I was wondering if you minded me using it as a basis for a blog post? PM me if you'd like to discuss
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Old 12-15-2013, 04:35 PM
 
3,956 posts, read 3,184,400 times
Reputation: 12864
I dont think you really cant get over the boyfriend, I think its being in a relationship that you are missing. You just need to realize he is extremely replaceable, in fact, you can probably replace him with a much better model, so start lookin!
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Old 12-15-2013, 04:52 PM
 
305 posts, read 305,144 times
Reputation: 208
Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelmcandrew View Post
My ex dumped me months ago now and we weren't together very long, but I fell DEEP in love with him and was very vulnerable in the situation. He was never properly committed to me and was a pretty crap boyfriend when it came down to it but I just cannot seem to forget about him. I have good days and then go completely backwards and feel like I'll never get over him. To make it worse, I have been on some terrible dates recently and just cry afterwards because I miss my ex - I'm so lonely and don't know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.
Sounds like you "love" to be treated like crap. Not sure there is any advice for that, as the next guy you fall in love with will also treat you like crap.
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