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Old 11-03-2013, 01:59 PM
 
56 posts, read 69,229 times
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My ex dumped me months ago now and we weren't together very long, but I fell DEEP in love with him and was very vulnerable in the situation. He was never properly committed to me and was a pretty crap boyfriend when it came down to it but I just cannot seem to forget about him. I have good days and then go completely backwards and feel like I'll never get over him. To make it worse, I have been on some terrible dates recently and just cry afterwards because I miss my ex - I'm so lonely and don't know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.
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Old 11-03-2013, 10:14 PM
 
Location: On the aggravation installment plan...
501 posts, read 666,601 times
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Yes. Take time for yourself and reevaluate and make assessments so you will not fall for someone who was the exact same as your ex. I just officially got out of my 6yr relationship 2 weeks ago and moved to another state. It is a major adjustment with the transition of being in a new place and being single again. There are alot of days where I cry from being sad; however I know I made the right choice by leaving him because he had violent tendencies and had no motivation. Everyone is different, but there is no need to rush into anything with anyone else until you heal.
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Old 11-03-2013, 10:17 PM
 
6,756 posts, read 8,308,643 times
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It's normal to be upset. The real him was an azz, but you lost the imaginary version of him that you fell in love with. You have to mourn. Don't try to date yet.
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Old 11-03-2013, 10:44 PM
 
428 posts, read 364,550 times
Reputation: 184
Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelmcandrew View Post
My ex dumped me months ago now and we weren't together very long, but I fell DEEP in love with him and was very vulnerable in the situation. He was never properly committed to me and was a pretty crap boyfriend when it came down to it but I just cannot seem to forget about him. I have good days and then go completely backwards and feel like I'll never get over him. To make it worse, I have been on some terrible dates recently and just cry afterwards because I miss my ex - I'm so lonely and don't know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.
If you cannot "forget" about him, maybe he wasn't such a crap boyfriend as you say. JMHO

"Never get over him...fell in love with him...cry after new dates".

Come on sis, I'm a dumb SOB, but I don't see him being "lousy".

That "lousy" BF you do a freaking doughnut in his front yard with your Camaro and throw his clothes on his front porch.
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Old 11-03-2013, 11:35 PM
 
14,439 posts, read 17,358,517 times
Reputation: 11240
Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelmcandrew View Post
My ex dumped me months ago now and we weren't together very long, but I fell DEEP in love with him and was very vulnerable in the situation. He was never properly committed to me and was a pretty crap boyfriend when it came down to it but I just cannot seem to forget about him. I have good days and then go completely backwards and feel like I'll never get over him. To make it worse, I have been on some terrible dates recently and just cry afterwards because I miss my ex - I'm so lonely and don't know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.
You poor girl.
Maybe you'll just get tired of being sad one day.
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Old 11-04-2013, 01:00 AM
 
826 posts, read 1,636,858 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelmcandrew View Post
My ex dumped me months ago now and we weren't together very long, but I fell DEEP in love with him and was very vulnerable in the situation. He was never properly committed to me and was a pretty crap boyfriend when it came down to it but I just cannot seem to forget about him. I have good days and then go completely backwards and feel like I'll never get over him. To make it worse, I have been on some terrible dates recently and just cry afterwards because I miss my ex - I'm so lonely and don't know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.
What you are feeling is normal.
It will take awhile for the fantasy of your ex to catch up to what he really was in real life.
What you can do to hasten the process is to write down every crappy thing he did to you.
Make a list and put it where you can see it. When your mind decides to go on a fantasy binge, pull it out and read it to remind yourself of who he really was. With time, your painful feelings will subside and you will start thanking your lucky stars for your escape.

You don't miss him. You miss the fantasy.
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Old 11-04-2013, 01:13 AM
 
3,009 posts, read 3,014,632 times
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Do not fall into the trap of wanting him back or you just be another girl addicted to dating loser after loser after loser and next thing you know you be 40 years old with 13 cats cry your self to sleep.
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Old 11-04-2013, 01:36 AM
 
645 posts, read 1,103,136 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rachelmcandrew View Post
My ex dumped me months ago now and we weren't together very long, but I fell DEEP in love with him and was very vulnerable in the situation. He was never properly committed to me and was a pretty crap boyfriend when it came down to it but I just cannot seem to forget about him. I have good days and then go completely backwards and feel like I'll never get over him. To make it worse, I have been on some terrible dates recently and just cry afterwards because I miss my ex - I'm so lonely and don't know what to do. Any advice would be much appreciated.
For at least ten years, I missed my ex-wife. I'd go places where we used to laugh and I'd just break down crying. Whenever I saw raven haired beauties, I'd instantly think of her and become teary eyed. That period of my life ranks high on some of the most painful things in live I've ever endured!

After yet another horrible first date, I'd rush home to the comfort of my bed, as I cried myself to sleep wondering why they couldn't be more like her! I'd be out with a new woman and in minutes, I'd figure out how she and I were completely incompatible, and I'd find my thoughts wishing every woman was my ex-wife! I began using her as a yardstick to measure every woman I met!

One day I was out riding my mountain bike on an old rail trail. After I finished up my ride, I sat on a bridge taking in the splendor of Mother Nature when blissful thought was interrupted by a laden tractor trailer smashing over an expansion joint of a bridge overlooking my location. As I looked up at the bridge, I began thinking about how many times I'd hit that same bump in the road. Then the four horsemen showed up, and dour thoughts flooded my mind. I remembered how the ex-wife used to alluringly jiggle as we bounced over it, and heart wrenching tears instantly welled up. All I could think of was "here we go again! Is this going to set my mood for the entire day? How much longer must I exist thinking about a woman who left me?" Then for some unknown reason, I began thinking about all the things I couldn't stand about her. How the TV was always more important than me, how she was never there emotionally for me, and my tears instantly dried up, the gripping pain in my chest ebbed away, and calmness washed across my face. As I finished cycling the remaining 3 miles back to my house, my thoughts concentrated on just how poor of a soul mate she was rather than how perfect she was and dearly missed.

From that day onward, whenever I found myself thinking of her, I reminded myself about all the things I could not stand about that woman, and most of all, she just summarily dismissed me when her loins burned for other men! I reran every negative tape I had on file for that woman, and after 7 years of marriage, I had plenty. That's what I did to end my unrequited love affair with a woman who was obviously done with me!

Best of luck,
bolillo

Last edited by bolillo_loco; 11-04-2013 at 01:59 AM.. Reason: No Rhodes scholar here
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Old 11-04-2013, 01:49 AM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
14,330 posts, read 19,538,449 times
Reputation: 18436
Quote:
Originally Posted by bolillo_loco View Post
For at least ten years, I missed my ex-wife. I'd go places where we used to laugh and I'd just break down crying. Whenever I saw raven haired beauties, I'd instantly think of her and become teary eyed. That period of my life ranks high on some of the most painful things in live I've ever endured!

After yet another horrible first date, I'd rush home to the comfort of my bed, as I cried myself to sleep wondering why they couldn't be more like her! I'd be out with a new woman and in minutes, I'd figure out how she and I were completely incompatible, and I'd find my thoughts wishing every woman was my ex-wife! I began using her as a yardstick to measure every woman I met!

One day I was out riding my mountain bike on an old rail trail. After I finished up my ride, I sat on a bridge taking in the splendor of Mother Nature when blissful thought was interrupted by a tractor trailer smashing over an expansion joint of a bridge overlooking my location. As I looked up at the bridge, I began thinking about how many times I'd hit that same bump in the road. I remembered how the ex-wife used to alluringly jiggle as we bounced over it, and heart wrenching tears instantly welled up. All I could think of was "here we go again! Is this going to set my mood for the entire day? How much longer must I live thinking about a woman who left me?" Then for some unknown reason, I began thinking about all the things I couldn't stand about her. How the TV was always more important than me, how she was never there emotionally for me, and my tears instantly dried up. As I finished cycling the remaining 3 miles back to my house, my thoughts concentrated on just how poor of a soul mate she was rather than how perfect she was and dearly missed her.

From that day onward, whenever I found myself thinking of her, I reminded myself about all the things I could not stand about that woman, and most of all, she just summarily dismissed me when her loins burned for other men. I reran every negative tape I had on file for that woman, and after 7 years of marriage, I had plenty. That's what I did to end my unrequited love affair with a woman who was obviously done with me!

Best of luck,
bolillo
Excellent post. This pretty much sums up how I got over girlfriends before I got married. We broke up for a reason, and those reasons I focused on whenever I found myself lingering on the good.

Focus on the bad, and move on to the better.
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Old 11-04-2013, 03:48 AM
 
Location: Greenbelt, MD
8,957 posts, read 6,493,785 times
Reputation: 44306
I've been on a couple of very bad dates (but not recently) since I broke up with my ex and I never missed her afterwards.

OP - you are better off without him. Next time you feel like you miss him read your own words right here when you say he is a "total ass." Then ask your self why you miss him.
Hang in there and be more selective on who you go out with. It appears to me you may be suffering from some self esteem isues. Maybe a qualified therapist can help you through the loneliness which most of us without steady partners go through and you cannot seem to deal with.
Don't ever settle as that is never a good idea.

Best wishes to you.
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