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What kind of pretzel logic led you to believe that a man who wanted his girlfriend to sign an agreement promising she would get an abortion,
Would make a good father?
Since he has no obligations to her, he should do her and the child a favor and completely get out of their lives, now that he has changed his mind about the relationship. He doesn't sound strong or unselfish enough to effectively co-parent. Pretty much all I've seen in the post is that how deeply and profoundly betrayed he feels, and about how his girlfriend would feel her life had ended if she lost him. Poor thing. She doesn't realize...she never had him to begin with.
Is English not your first language? Serious question. See the word I put in pink, below.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
He has said he would be a part of the child's life, and if he wants to do that and will be a good father, that's great. But he does not have to stay in a relationship with his GF, and no one can force him to love her. His feelings are what they are, and he has absolutely no obligations to her that way at all.
Oh, and not for nothing, but fatherhood and partnership/marriage are different things. A man can have no feelings for or be angry with the mother of his child and still be a good father. Plenty of divorced fathers out there who love their kids immensely and can barely stand the sight of their ex-wives.
there are a variety of cases out there that deal with issues related to this - from what I can tell you can't force someone to have an abortion, but you may be able to get removed of your parental rights/obligations https://whdlaw.com/publications/Dodd...lyLaw_5-12.pdf
As for the rest - it's really pretty simple.
You are at fault for her getting pregnant. It's really that simple. You chose to have unprotected sex.
She is also at fault for doing the same.
No fault outweighs the other and the fact that you "relented" when she agreed to abort any "mistakes" is really irrelevant as you should know that it wouldn't be enforceable or that he opinion could very well change at any time
You are responsible for your interests and actions. You engaged in a risky proposition with very known outcomes with very little enforceable remedy. All of which should be obvious to anyone.
So take responsibility for putting yourself in this situation.
From here - you can either be a part of the mothers life or not. If you choose to then you need to move beyond this and focus on being a support to her and the baby while working on your joint relationship.
If you choose to not be a part of the mothers life you can petition to be a part of your childs life - even majority caretaker if you want (although good luck convicing a judge that you should have primary custody of a child you wish was aborted without some serious issues stemming from the mother). Either way, you can be a part of the kids life. Many people do this. You will have a financial obligation as well.
If you want nothing to do with the mother and the child then simply walk. I would then explore to see if the breach of contract (pending what you had could actually be considered a contract) would clear you of any parental responsibilities/support. Or you could suck it up and pay the child support.
Really not as dynamic as you're making it up to be - welcome to the ever growing club of people having kids when they don't want them with people they aren't committed to
Is English not your first language? Serious question. See the word I put in pink, below.
Oh, and not for nothing, but fatherhood and partnership/marriage are different things. A man can have no feelings for or be angry with the mother of his child and still be a good father. Plenty of divorced fathers out there who love their kids immensely and can barely stand the sight of their ex-wives.
Whether co-parenting is successful would depend upon whether the father is mature and focused on the well-being of his child or is immature and a mess-stirrer and just wants to keep up a disruption in the custodial parent's home. And please don't paint the divorced fathers you describe to be saints. They have their weekend visitation and the rest of their time is free. Single mothers usually don't have it that good. Whether he can barely stand the sight of their ex wives or not, they should respect the mother of their children. It's what a good father would do.
Whether co-parenting is successful would depend upon whether the father is mature and focused on the well-being of his child or is immature and a mess-stirrer and just wants to keep up a disruption in the custodial parent's home. And please don't paint the divorced fathers you describe to be saints. They have their weekend visitation and the rest of their time is free. Single mothers usually don't have it that good. Whether he can barely stand the sight of their ex wives or not, they should respect the mother of their children. It's what a good father would do.
Do you know how many fathers would sacrifice their "free" time to have their kids with them? I've personally witnessed both a family member and a friend come out on the losing end of a bitter custody battle, and I do believe they would've traded in all of their freedom to have their kids with them. Don't idealize divorced fathers' situations. As for the last sentence, it goes both ways.
Seriously this must be a troll. What 30 year old man who definitely didn't want kids, continues to sleep with a woman unprotected? You sound too immature to be a father or husband.
Whether co-parenting is successful would depend upon whether the father is mature and focused on the well-being of his child or is immature and a mess-stirrer and just wants to keep up a disruption in the custodial parent's home. And please don't paint the divorced fathers you describe to be saints. They have their weekend visitation and the rest of their time is free. Single mothers usually don't have it that good. Whether he can barely stand the sight of their ex wives or not, they should respect the mother of their children. It's what a good father would do.
Right...
They are "free" all week while they are at work... And they spend their not working time with their kids.
Whereas the ex wife sticks them in daycare the husband pays for... And goes out and "plays" while the guy has the kids all weekend.
Whether co-parenting is successful would depend upon whether the father is mature and focused on the well-being of his child or is immature and a mess-stirrer and just wants to keep up a disruption in the custodial parent's home. And please don't paint the divorced fathers you describe to be saints. They have their weekend visitation and the rest of their time is free. Single mothers usually don't have it that good. Whether he can barely stand the sight of their ex wives or not, they should respect the mother of their children. It's what a good father would do.
NO ONE is a saint. But there are PLENTY of GOOD fathers who are divorced from their kids' mothers. That may not fit into your narrow world view, which seems to be all-or-nothing and very black-and-white, but that is the truth. People don't fit into these little boxes of all good or all bad. Adult relationships are between adults. Parent-child relationships are another ball of wax entirely.
It is apparent that you don't even know any divorced fathers, or if you do, and they are the ones who have weekend visitation and the rest of their time is "free," you must know some millionaires, because most of the divorced fathers I know work, and quite a few of them see their kids on more than just the weekends. Some even fight for primary custody. These are men I dated after my own divorce.
As for men respecting the mothers of their children, pushing a kid out of one's vagina doesn't automatically make a woman a respectable person. The most the OP, or an ex-BF or ex-husband, or any partner in coparenting owes the other partner in terms of interaction is civility, for the sake of the child. I'll even go one further and say that if the OP's girlfriend DID seek to trap the OP into marriage, respect is among the last things she deserves.
So unless you think mothers who beat their children, choose drugs and alcohol over their children, or turn a blind eye to boyfriends or husbands who molest their children deserve respect simply because they took an epidural and grunted through labor, you need to reassess that ridiculous statement.
I'm also still wondering why you feel it's okay for her to change her mind about having a kid, but it's not okay for him to change his with respect to their relationship, given all the judgment you are heaping on his head.
NO ONE is a saint. But there are PLENTY of GOOD fathers who are divorced from their kids' mothers. That may not fit into your narrow world view, which seems to be all-or-nothing and very black-and-white, but that is the truth. People don't fit into these little boxes of all good or all bad. Adult relationships are between adults. Parent-child relationships are another ball of wax entirely.
It is apparent that you don't even know any divorced fathers, or if you do, and they are the ones who have weekend visitation and the rest of their time is "free," you must know some millionaires, because most of the divorced fathers I know work, and quite a few of them see their kids on more than just the weekends. Some even fight for primary custody. These are men I dated after my own divorce.
As for men respecting the mothers of their children, pushing a kid out of one's vagina doesn't automatically make a woman a respectable person. The most the OP, or an ex-BF or ex-husband, or any partner in coparenting owes the other partner in terms of interaction is civility, for the sake of the child. I'll even go one further and say that if the OP's girlfriend DID seek to trap the OP into marriage, respect is among the last things she deserves.
So unless you think mothers who beat their children, choose drugs and alcohol over their children, or turn a blind eye to boyfriends or husbands who molest their children deserve respect simply because they took an epidural and grunted through labor, you need to reassess that ridiculous statement.
I'm also still wondering why you feel it's okay for her to change her mind about having a kid, but it's not okay for him to change his with respect to their relationship, given all the judgment you are heaping on his head.
Look, quite a few guys are out for all they can get out of a woman, and then when something happens that requires that HE step up for her, he wants to claim entrapment, or some ridiculous moral indignation, or to just plain skip town and run away. You know it's true. You are a fertible man, having sex with a fertile woman. You are not "owed" anything on some bogus piece of paper. You were hooking up. In the course of hookups, people get pregnant, contract diseases, fall in love or become unilaterally rejected for some reason. Stop deluding yourself that you had some kind of quasi marriage requiring a piece of paper to cover your a**. You "pays your money, and you takes your chances" If you don't like the odds, then don't play, or play smarter.
She has the right to change her mind, after all, an abstract concept is a lot different than actually going through a pregnancy/sickness/medical procedure/parenthood.
You also have the right to not be emotionally involved. Whether or not anyone agrees, it is your right as well. That is your recourse. Financially, if she demands, you will be involved. That's the law, whether you like it or not, it is what it is. You could have prevented this by dating someone who could not physically have children or your own procedure, but it's too late for that now.
As always with any relationship, emotions change over time, there is nothing unique about that.
Break up with her if you wish, it is your choice. But just as her mind changed, your mind might change as well once you see that child. I hope so, although maybe not. Who knows. Good luck.
I never wanted to be a mother either but here I am now with two, and it's been wonderful. I had postnatal depression after the first due to many things but one of those things was regret - until I embraced it and began to appreciate it.
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