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Old 11-05-2013, 10:13 AM
 
4,868 posts, read 7,358,555 times
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I want to reach out to him but I don't know how to? I don't have feelings for him and we want to stay friends (we broke up 3 months ago). his mother was given 3-6 months to live and they're very close. She is such a sweet lady and I'm sad about this too.

The only other dilemma is, I've since moved on and have met someone else so don't want to disrespect this new guy. He just recently cut off all contact with his most recent ex, though they broke up 9 months ago and it wasn't due to me, just that he couldn't stand to talk to her anymore. I don't have issues like that with my ex so he and I talk every now and then.

Should I only reach out to his mother? send her something in the mail (she lives on the other side of the country)? I've never been in this situation.

What would you do?
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:16 AM
 
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I think you could do no wrong by calling him up. Just keep it on the friendship level.
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:17 AM
 
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Yes, start by just reaching out to his mother, since right now, this is about her, not the ex. It wouldn't hurt to talk to your boyfriend about it too and tell him what you're thinking and see what he says.

Just remember, this is about the woman with cancer, not your ex.
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Alaska
5,356 posts, read 16,338,796 times
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I'd first explain the situation to your bf and act based on his reaction. At minimum, you can contact his mother to tell her you're thinking of her.
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:23 AM
 
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makes sense. I'll talk to him about it tonight. and for now, reach out to the ex's mother.
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,269 posts, read 88,498,926 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mir86 View Post
I want to reach out to him but I don't know how to? I don't have feelings for him and we want to stay friends (we broke up 3 months ago). his mother was given 3-6 months to live and they're very close. She is such a sweet lady and I'm sad about this too.

The only other dilemma is, I've since moved on and have met someone else so don't want to disrespect this new guy. He just recently cut off all contact with his most recent ex, though they broke up 9 months ago and it wasn't due to me, just that he couldn't stand to talk to her anymore. I don't have issues like that with my ex so he and I talk every now and then.

Should I only reach out to his mother? send her something in the mail (she lives on the other side of the country)? I've never been in this situation.

What would you do?
I'd reach out to both.

It's called being "compassionate" - you just can't go wrong when you show it
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:25 AM
 
Location: Terra
2,826 posts, read 3,212,923 times
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Does new guy know you still talk to your ex?

I'm guessing not. I wouldn't get involved with someone who still was friends with an ex. Too many old feelings that could bubble up and I ain't got time fo' dat.
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Middle America
36,588 posts, read 41,867,584 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mir86 View Post
I want to reach out to him but I don't know how to? I don't have feelings for him and we want to stay friends (we broke up 3 months ago). his mother was given 3-6 months to live and they're very close. She is such a sweet lady and I'm sad about this too.

The only other dilemma is, I've since moved on and have met someone else so don't want to disrespect this new guy. He just recently cut off all contact with his most recent ex, though they broke up 9 months ago and it wasn't due to me, just that he couldn't stand to talk to her anymore. I don't have issues like that with my ex so he and I talk every now and then.

Should I only reach out to his mother? send her something in the mail (she lives on the other side of the country)? I've never been in this situation.

What would you do?
If the new guy is worth his salt, he will not mind in the least that you want to extend compassionate support toward your ex's mom if you were and are close to her. My ex's mom was an important person in my life for the years we were together. She continued to be supportive of me after her son broke up with me, and we still occasionally keep in touch, albeit in a fairly limited way, since both her son and I have since moved on to other relationships, and we don't live nearby one another. But if she were to get sick, I'd send a card, yeah, and my fiance wouldn't think a thing of it, let alone consider it disrespectful. However, I cannot say I would reach out to my ex, in all honesty, as things did not end well, and we don't talk. My fiance would certainly look askance if I did contact my ex, because he knows all too well what went down between us, and he would seriously question my judgment in getting in contact (and he'd be right to do so). I have a lot of goodwill and compassion for the mother in my situation. For the son, eh, not so much.
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:29 AM
 
4,868 posts, read 7,358,555 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I'd reach out to both.

It's called being "compassionate" - you just can't go wrong when you show it
True!
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Old 11-05-2013, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Terra
2,826 posts, read 3,212,923 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I'd reach out to both.

It's called being "compassionate" - you just can't go wrong when you show it
What about compassion for the new guy's feelings?
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