U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-06-2013, 03:53 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 39,996,116 times
Reputation: 62022

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by noelle41 View Post
I think it's just the way he is. I think itís normal, I guess I just wanted opinions on this. Heís not big on talking about feelings, he shows me. When weíre together, heís sweet, loving and affectionate.

The only one who knows is him so ask him directly.
Everyone is different so just because one is a bit distant before they leave does not mean the other will be.

If you are questioning his intentions maybe you should just drop the issue and move on, it appears to me that you will not be able to handle being part of the military way of life so don't waste his time or yours.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-06-2013, 03:55 PM
 
Location: SoCal again
15,896 posts, read 12,703,320 times
Reputation: 31047
Quote:
Originally Posted by noelle41 View Post
I think it's just the way he is. I think itís normal, I guess I just wanted opinions on this. Heís not big on talking about feelings, he shows me. When weíre together, heís sweet, loving and affectionate.

Then don't worry about it! And don't let anybody here ruin it for you. If you FEEL it is right, it IS right.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-06-2013, 03:57 PM
 
5,362 posts, read 6,492,706 times
Reputation: 10355
Quote:
Originally Posted by noelle41 View Post
Im hearing that it normal AND that it's not... so now Im confused
will try to explain

Is he your significant other or would he say he is your SO? If yes, it is not normal. If he is a boyfriend only then it could be explainable.

there could be a lot going on. give it time, use your head, and like the last poster said trust your gut.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-06-2013, 04:12 PM
 
5,362 posts, read 6,492,706 times
Reputation: 10355
or ask your mother. she knows
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-06-2013, 04:56 PM
 
2,650 posts, read 2,589,813 times
Reputation: 3447
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
My fiance confirmed this, that goodbyes are just too painful. Honestly, most women I know are stronger about and handle goodbyes better than most men I know. From my dad having the harder time dropping off the freshmen kids at college to having a hard time time keeping it together walking my sister down the aisle to her husband-to-be to my military fiance and his "don't do an airport goodbye" thing, the men I know actually have a much harder time with goodbyes than the women.

Edit-I don't think I qualify as one of the "younger women," though.
In some lines of work you go to bad places that are not real fun and in my experience it goes like this...

The finality of departure looms too close to ignore and you begin bit by bit to say good bye to things. To put them on the other side of a wall where you will keep them until you return. You do believe you're coming back but you're not sure, some of your friends didn't. You've done this before. You know that you will miss your partner, your children, the fabric of your life. So much so that after a time the yearning will become physical pain that never goes away. You know you will worry about them constantly because you are not there to protect them. You know you can not share your fear or hurt or sadness because the ones you most care about will take that burden on too and you don't want that to happen to them. You know if there is a tearful goodbye it will only be one more memory of something beautiful that is gone. So many things you have to experience to know, to understand.

In the end remember he is only a man and if nothing else could not have a tearful departure because a dog has not died, a child has not been born, a daughter has not been married. It would be against the rules and we're stupid that way.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-06-2013, 08:16 PM
 
803 posts, read 1,617,287 times
Reputation: 573
Quote:
Originally Posted by noelle41 View Post
No no not at all lol... He thinks I cry for everything since I got teary eyed at one of those ASPCA commercials. lol
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa View Post
Geez, who DOESN'T get teary at those? The way to my fiance's heart is through his dogs, and he has to change the channel when those come on.
I know rite?! the minute i hear Sarah McLaughlin singing "in the arms of an angel" and those poor animals, i get so sad AND angry at the abuse those animals went thru. WTH is wrong with people? i also have to change the channel, i get way too emotional.

Last edited by Mandy612; 11-06-2013 at 08:35 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-07-2013, 05:12 PM
 
2,382 posts, read 4,482,523 times
Reputation: 3430
I saw this alot when I was active duty (I'm female,btw). My fellow Marines would kinda start easing out of relationships when they were deploying or being stationed overseas. They might no always tell the women (which is wrong) but in most cases, they really thought they were doing what was best for BOTH parties because they figured they would either be cheated on , one or both of them would meet someone else, or at minimum it wasn't fair to ask someone to wait around for six months or longer, etc....

Sometimes they want to or feel they should break up because of the above reasons but it's easier to "ghost" - esp if they think the woman is really into them and they don't want to deal with drama on top of everything else they have going on...

Also - I found all my trips home very stressful - the pressure to see everyone is crazy, someone is ALWAYS upset and feels like they got the short end of the stick and notenough time with you. It's a good feeling to have so may people want to see you - but it is stressful for sure!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-08-2013, 09:07 AM
 
9 posts, read 10,732 times
Reputation: 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by noelle41 View Post
Hi everyone

I am kind of new to this forum so bear with me : )

I have been dating my significant other for about 8mths now. Sadly, most of our relationship has been LDR since heís in the military. First it was because he was deployed in Afghanistan. Second time, he was stationed in another state. He kept in touch as much as he could but he was pretty busy moving up in rank, training new soldiers, out on the field for weeks at a time, AND taking classes for his new duties in Korea (he just left for Korea on Monday). I understand that with military men, communication isnít always going to be there because of their job.

He was here for about a month before he left to Korea (he got stationed there). He will be there a yr then comes back home to be stationed here for good. While he was here, we did spend some time together and he even met my family. (We didnít spend as much time as I wanted but he went out of town for a family reunion and spent most of his days with his family). The last week he was here, he seemed to be a bit distant. The day he left he told me he was packing and getting ready to leave and would let me know before he left. I didnít hear from him till later on that night when he had already left (he was in California) and apologized for not getting back to me sooner saying it had been a hectic/busy day for him.

My question is, is it normal for them to be distant right before they leave? This isnít a deployment, he just got stationed in another country.

Also, how long does it take for them to settle in when they arrive in a new country?
My brother just went to Korea as well!! I say just support him. Seems like the relationship means something to him if he met your family.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-08-2013, 09:17 AM
 
Location: Deep In The Heart of Texas
122 posts, read 283,828 times
Reputation: 84
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bakeneko View Post
I saw this alot when I was active duty (I'm female,btw). My fellow Marines would kinda start easing out of relationships when they were deploying or being stationed overseas. They might no always tell the women (which is wrong) but in most cases, they really thought they were doing what was best for BOTH parties because they figured they would either be cheated on , one or both of them would meet someone else, or at minimum it wasn't fair to ask someone to wait around for six months or longer, etc....

Sometimes they want to or feel they should break up because of the above reasons but it's easier to "ghost" - esp if they think the woman is really into them and they don't want to deal with drama on top of everything else they have going on...

Also - I found all my trips home very stressful - the pressure to see everyone is crazy, someone is ALWAYS upset and feels like they got the short end of the stick and notenough time with you. It's a good feeling to have so may people want to see you - but it is stressful for sure!
This makes perfect sense. His older sister pretty much set everything up for him before he even got here. She had him booked! Family dinners, get togethers, everything you can think of. So he was pretty much stuck because he didnít want to let anyone down. The only time he was distant was his last few days. Other than that, we kept in touch (but like I said didnít see each other as much as I wanted to.. (but we did see each other). Im sure it was stressful for him his last few days getting everything ready for his move. He also acted this way when he went back to the state he was stationed in. (he came back for about two weeks and then had to leave again) I think if he wanted to end it, he wouldnít have gone through with meeting my family or anything. (they loved him).

I am just going to wait to hear from him. I get itís probably a busy time for him right now. Thanx for your input. It's nice to hear from a womans point of view (a woman in the military)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-10-2013, 03:02 PM
 
Location: New Mexico U.S.A.
25,214 posts, read 41,205,615 times
Reputation: 29301
Moderator cut: The two threads started by the Original Poster have been merged
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:56 AM.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top