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Old 11-06-2013, 12:08 AM
 
Location: New Zealand and Australia
7,458 posts, read 11,494,367 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dub dub II View Post
Females make more interesting friends.

Men are too self involved imo

Its good to have a balance. I'll agree with you there.
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Old 11-06-2013, 12:12 AM
 
2,087 posts, read 2,354,890 times
Reputation: 1527
Quote:
Originally Posted by dub dub II View Post
Just be honest...

"I like you and I no longer think of you as a friend. I know this ends our friendship but in my mind it's worth it because what could blossom from this might be beautiful. Should nothing happen, at least I get to rest knowing I did what I could. This is me doing what I can. Will you be my 'not friend'?"

Then you start making moves...being physically affectionate.
That's pretty good man. Very heartfelt.

It would work on me.

Then again, I'm not a woman with many options.
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Old 11-06-2013, 12:16 AM
 
4 posts, read 4,747 times
Reputation: 10
To be completely honest, I have never been sexually attracted to this girl, but im more of the cuddle type. That's all I really want. To feel love and be loved back. To be able to hold someone that desires affection. It is this that makes me desire a relationship. I want to be closer to her than ever, but something is holding me back from pursuing how I truly feel.I just want her to see me as more than her brothers friend (That's how we met, I was friends with her brother before I even knew her) or as her friend, and maybe even a loyal lover. I feel like there's hope. Like I said earlier, she's been getting closer with me. As for touching, while I haven't held her hand or anything a romantic couple would do, I have had her fall asleep on me, as I did on her. She has been showing signs around me and my friends. One night at a Chinese restraunt she was trying to feed me steak because I wasn't eating. We joked around a little bit, but I just want to know what the next step is and how I can get there. I do love her, I truly do, but that's where my deliema remains. If I pursue our friendship, it could wind up ending it which is something I can't do. On the other hand, if I pursue her and show affection and she does infact respond back, I would be a much happier person. But as I lay here inbetween the two choices, Id rather cut her off, or pursue love than feeling trapped as I do now.
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Old 11-06-2013, 12:20 AM
 
4 posts, read 4,747 times
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I will give that a shot dub dub. If she doesn't want to get involved romantically, then I will do my best to move on
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Old 11-06-2013, 12:23 AM
 
2,087 posts, read 2,354,890 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenbandit View Post
To be completely honest, I have never been sexually attracted to this girl, but im more of the cuddle type. That's all I really want. To feel love and be loved back. To be able to hold someone that desires affection.
It doesn't matter how pretty (or not) she is and how long you've known her or like her. If she doesn't like you then she doesn't.

In fairness, there are a couple of things you could do.

1) Remain her friend, and chase her doggedly and profess your love over many years. I've seen at least one guy do this and he got her in the end. It might take you many years.

2) You could get another GF and she might become jealous and eventually you'll become attractive. Unfortunately, once you start dating her, it will be short lived because it's not genuine attraction.

I've seen both work, but not often, and when it does, it can still be pretty ugly.
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Old 11-06-2013, 01:46 AM
 
4,338 posts, read 6,592,196 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brokenbandit View Post
How do I get out of the friendzone? I have known this girl for 6 years but in her eyes I am more like a brother. Lately she's been more affectionate but i'm not sure if she's flirting or just being naturally flirtatious as she is. I want her to love me, but I don't know how to get to that point.
Don't waste your time. Ask her straight and be assertive. If the answer is no than move on. Keep it simple.

You can't make someone love or like you.
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Old 11-06-2013, 01:47 AM
 
4,338 posts, read 6,592,196 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
Look around for a girl that you find sexually unattractive, but that you like as a friend. What could that girl do that would make you fall in love with her?

Probably your answer is 'nothing'. Girls are usually attracted to stuff that isn't looks (or money), but, like guys, someone a girl is not attracted to doesn't later become attractive to her.

She values you as a friend, but she is not going to fall in love with you. I'm sorry. If you don't value her as a friend, you should probably not hang out so much.
I have found girls attractive once they lose the weight and get fit though.
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Old 11-06-2013, 04:07 AM
 
175 posts, read 230,183 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dub dub II View Post
Just be honest...

"I like you and I no longer think of you as a friend. I know this ends our friendship but in my mind it's worth it because what could blossom from this might be beautiful. Should nothing happen, at least I get to rest knowing I did what I could. This is me doing what I can. Will you be my 'not friend'?"

Then you start making moves...being physically affectionate.

She'll either remove herself from the situation or else she'll become your so.
9.5/10 times when you do this you will be rejected. The reason is what NilaJones posted. Its the equivelant of asking out a girl your not friends with who isn't attracted to you.

Being friends with someone for 6 years, your completely cemented in her head and labelled as a friend, someone she has no attraction for and doesn't entertain thoughts of getting sexual with. This is almost impossible to change.

If you want to persue this, I'd advise not hanging out with her as much - drop contact a fair bit, maybe say 6 months or so. Make yourself busy, pursue other interests in life that make you happy & put her down in your list of priorities. Most importantly start talking to & dating other women. After the 6 months or so is up get back in touch with her and do not treat her like a friend; treat her like a love interest. Flirt with her verbally and physically, if she doesn't go for it, unlucky.

The overall point I'm making is she is 100% friends with you, if she sees you as a brother, asking her out or making a move on her now will more than likely freak her out. Escape from the friend zone is almost impossible, to do it you need to break your friendship connection with her and come back and remould it as something sexual and exciting, something which will be pretty difficult and take a lot of time.
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Old 11-06-2013, 05:10 AM
 
2,826 posts, read 1,854,369 times
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Someone gave me this advice awhile back. If you can't honestly see her as a friend, you won't be anything but. Let's put it this way, if she has a problem, and you can't be there for her (with no motives of your own) forget it, there isn't any future.

Now, there are women who will legitimately keep you in a certain place. But if you wanna not be only a friend, you have to be a real one. And you have to have to have some worth as a man, to her.

The Wheel of Time mentions this (I'll paraphrase):

"Women don't like men who are only into one thing. Find out who you are without a woman, then find out how you can fit yourself with her."

It's about fitting your dreams with her, not just your body. But you guys wouldn't understand this.
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Old 11-06-2013, 05:41 AM
 
7,144 posts, read 7,927,430 times
Reputation: 4370
Quote:
Originally Posted by dave nz View Post
The more you view women as pieces of meat, the more "action" you are likely to get. As long as you make a move on her.

I pretty much only talk to a girl these days If I can see myself doing the wild thing with her. Or I don't bother. My male friends make much better friends.

framed for truth
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