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Old 11-06-2013, 11:40 PM
 
6,756 posts, read 8,323,076 times
Reputation: 6787

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nearnorth View Post
No. As long as you feel better having created a strange narrative to justify your lack of success with women, though, that's really all that matters. Did it work?
This should be the official motto for CDR.

Well, some weeks.

 
Old 11-07-2013, 05:19 AM
 
9,412 posts, read 11,741,560 times
Reputation: 20226
I haven't noticed it and it's not common. You have a skewed view of reality.
 
Old 11-07-2013, 05:43 AM
 
1,257 posts, read 1,304,134 times
Reputation: 1029
Quote:
Originally Posted by Collateral View Post
Has anyone else noticed this?

When I look at older couples from my grandparents generation.. the men are a lot more dominant and the women are a lot more submissive. But when I look at all my friends from college who are getting married now or in serious relationships (I'm 30) they are all slaves. The woman makes the rules and they follow.

I think this is why I'm single. Many woman have tried to control me. All have failed.

I'm willing to compromise in a relationship but I'm not willing to be submissive. Most women today don't seem to want a real man. Sure.. they jump in my bed fast.. and seem to fall in love immediately... but that love dies fast once they realize I'm not going to just roll over and do whatever they want.
Good story and good self-promotion as a "stud", I've learn to know that such description is supposedly elevating you on some social scale. But it's been such a cliche if you read this forum any longer than a month, it's really repetitive.
What you describe is far from reality.

In reality, yes, women in USA are very controlling and possessive but offer nothing but liability and love to flirt if given the opportunity. That doesn't make someone dominant, but it often makes them a jerk. If a guy would object to it the same way - they'd outright attack him and he'd have to either separate or turn into a doormat.
That's very jerkish behavior on the woman's part and I've witnessed how the guys react on it - they simply ignore it or play dumb and generally play behind her back. They agree but they can't recall what they agreed if you'd ask them just an hour later and they even laugh about it. They cannot care less about their wife's supposed authority and that's the ultimate truth, but they avoid conflict.

IMO the main reason why they ignore it and don't outright escalate it into a conflict is because they have learned that if the relationship is to either last or work at all, their wife needs to have it her way. If not, she'll walk out of relationship one day after many years and then she'll send them the bill for child support.
If a guy used the same approach as a woman, it wouldn't work. Reacting to such approach on wmoan's part means that it'll fail. Ignoring their wife's saying or simply agreeing but not caring is the true way how many American men function. If the unclear line is crossed, they simply act as if they aren't in a relationship when their girlfriend/wife isn't there. And they make sure to get as much space as possible to have it their way.

This is how the modern family goes for majority of folks, exceptions to this general family setting aren't making the general behavior wrong.
 
Old 11-07-2013, 05:49 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,529 posts, read 8,778,692 times
Reputation: 12228
This is about jealousy, manipulation and controlling. I don't think there's any gender bias in these departments.

Maintaining a power balance in a relationship of any kind is difficult and some relationships even survive better where the equilibrium state is somewhat out of balance, both visibly and in a non-transparent way, often in different directions.

"How many times have i told you, it's your job to take out the garbage"
"Yes, dear".
 
Old 11-07-2013, 06:01 AM
 
54 posts, read 103,257 times
Reputation: 60
I've seen it in a lot of couples. I feel second-hand embarrasement when I see how some women treat their boyfriends. Maybe I'm very old schooled but as a woman respect and love is the only things I ask for (and they are something hard to get) and I rather people see us like a team that a captain and her soldier.

Of course, there are dominant men and girls who let them have the relation their way but nowadays, in my generation, if a relation is sick (they don't do anything without the other) is probably because the woman has it that way.
 
Old 11-07-2013, 06:01 AM
 
Location: Chicago, IL
3,795 posts, read 3,866,277 times
Reputation: 3341
Quote:
Originally Posted by Collateral View Post
Its common among the younger generation. Less common with generation X and people older.
That is a giant load of horsesh*t. It exists, but it isn't common.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sage 80 View Post
Most married couples don't just do things without running it by the other. This is to prevent scheduling problems and conflicts. It's not really asking permission, but just checking with each other--out of respect.
This. I've never been married or lived with a partner, and I even I know that. It's just common sense.
 
Old 11-07-2013, 06:08 AM
 
16,797 posts, read 14,562,196 times
Reputation: 37916
Quote:
Originally Posted by nald View Post
Good story and good self-promotion as a "stud", I've learn to know that such description is supposedly elevating you on some social scale. But it's been such a cliche if you read this forum any longer than a month, it's really repetitive.
What you describe is far from reality.

In reality, yes, women in USA are very controlling and possessive but offer nothing but liability and love to flirt if given the opportunity. That doesn't make someone dominant, but it often makes them a jerk. If a guy would object to it the same way - they'd outright attack him and he'd have to either separate or turn into a doormat.
That's very jerkish behavior on the woman's part and I've witnessed how the guys react on it - they simply ignore it or play dumb and generally play behind her back. They agree but they can't recall what they agreed if you'd ask them just an hour later and they even laugh about it. They cannot care less about their wife's supposed authority and that's the ultimate truth, but they avoid conflict.

IMO the main reason why they ignore it and don't outright escalate it into a conflict is because they have learned that if the relationship is to either last or work at all, their wife needs to have it her way. If not, she'll walk out of relationship one day after many years and then she'll send them the bill for child support.
If a guy used the same approach as a woman, it wouldn't work. Reacting to such approach on wmoan's part means that it'll fail. Ignoring their wife's saying or simply agreeing but not caring is the true way how many American men function. If the unclear line is crossed, they simply act as if they aren't in a relationship when their girlfriend/wife isn't there. And they make sure to get as much space as possible to have it their way.

This is how the modern family goes for majority of folks, exceptions to this general family setting aren't making the general behavior wrong.
How long have you been married?
 
Old 11-07-2013, 06:15 AM
 
1,257 posts, read 1,304,134 times
Reputation: 1029
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frihed89 View Post
This is about jealousy, manipulation and controlling. I don't think there's any gender bias in these departments.

Maintaining a power balance in a relationship of any kind is difficult and some relationships even survive better where the equilibrium state is somewhat out of balance, both visibly and in a non-transparent way, often in different directions.

"How many times have i told you, it's your job to take out the garbage"
"Yes, dear".
Yes, that's exactly what I refer to. And it's rather not about "dominance" as it is about being annoying. I don't buy into the "yes dear", they'll rather say "yea, I'll do it" but not really giving much importance to someone's demands. I'd say that U.S. men deal with it via leniency and tolerance of one's personal anxiety over small things by being casual about it. It works well on the long run.
If they'd enter conflict on a regular basis when someone annoys them, it wouldn't work well. It gives the vent to the one party to actually demand things and they rather need that vent most often, not either a conflict or a person who abides their commands. It generally doesn't involve buying a 100,000$ car but small things around the house - I.e. taking out the garbage, like you said.


Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
How long have you been married?
Is this a personal attack or you just want to make it personal?

Last edited by nald; 11-07-2013 at 06:17 AM.. Reason: edited
 
Old 11-07-2013, 06:25 AM
 
35,324 posts, read 25,219,560 times
Reputation: 32417
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slanderous View Post
I have not.
Nor have I noticed this.
 
Old 11-07-2013, 06:27 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
14,827 posts, read 12,279,550 times
Reputation: 26279
Ive noticed that with a few of my buddies in the past.

I cant understand the life of me why they would take such nonsense; I'll have none of that bs.
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