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Old 11-07-2013, 12:34 PM
 
3,067 posts, read 2,498,422 times
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I just don't know how to not be uncomfortable and how to not act like this awkward girl. These are his best friends from college. I don't want to go. :-( I feel like I'm just going to be sitting there and it's going to make it weird for him. He knows I'm shy why would he invite me to this with 7 frat boy friends. He has to know Im going to be awkward as f&&&.
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Old 11-07-2013, 12:37 PM
 
Location: Katy, TX
705 posts, read 1,033,825 times
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Will you be the only female there? If so, I would pass on going. If they're getting together so they can meet you then that's different, but if they're having a boys night and he shows up with you, some of the other guys might not be too happy.
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Old 11-07-2013, 12:39 PM
 
2,764 posts, read 4,123,932 times
Reputation: 2977
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post
I'm still dating him and that's mean to say. I can relax and have fun but I'm really shy is it that difficult for people to understand? As a shy person it is hard for me to loosen up. Men make me uncomfortable as it is. And these are like frat boy type of guys. Ugh is there anyone shy on the board who can give me tips so that I'm not awkward and quiet.
Oh yea.

Read here:

Stop dating this guy. It shouldnt be this much work. You dredd doing almost everything he likes to do.
It means you two are not a match. I don't care how attracted to him you are. You're presonalities are not compatible, and your severe social anxiety will not allow a 'opposites attract' here either.

Honestly, and I'm not insulting you, but I would try talking to your doctor about trying an anti-anxiety medication.
You seem to have a lot of social anxiety, espellially for a 26 year old.
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Old 11-07-2013, 12:40 PM
 
35,325 posts, read 24,998,888 times
Reputation: 32369
Never mind that you work with him and had a mini crisis where you almost wanted to change departments before you ever went out. Criminy.
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Old 11-07-2013, 12:45 PM
 
35 posts, read 28,901 times
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He's an extrovert and you're not, so I think its not a good match in the long run. He either wants to show you off, or, he wants their opinion of you. Either way, his friends opinions are of more concern to him than you're level of comfort.

Do you really want someone like that?
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Old 11-07-2013, 12:46 PM
 
645 posts, read 1,100,289 times
Reputation: 1770
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
Wait! Wait!


You "blow him off whenever he asks you....even in large groups???!!!"

....and yet, you're shy?

Am I missing something or are you overly using the derogatory slang "blow" too too much?
Oh funymann... You crack me up! Obvious puns and double entendres are so amusing.

Faith2187:

Just be yourself, like funymann's said, he probably just wants to show you off to his friends. I've several caveats about dating people who're in circles where I have an obligation to run.

I would never date anybody from work! It's very gray and extremely complicated! I refuse to ____ where I eat...

The lion's share of relationships do not work out, hence, you'll, or should I say, I will be stuck looking at that person at work all day long. While that's not a problem if she's an adult and keeps her life private. It's just awkward if she doesn't, and she could make life miserable for me, in rare cases, file faux harassment charges, and in rarer still cases, stalk me. Furthermore, everybody at work will be in my business and it will taint opinions of my coworkers both male and female.

I have learned to not date people from places where I just can't summarily drop that location from my list.

Good luck with your burgeoning relationship,
bolillo

Last edited by bolillo_loco; 11-07-2013 at 12:49 PM.. Reason: No Rhodes scholar here
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Old 11-07-2013, 12:46 PM
 
3,067 posts, read 2,498,422 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
Last thing I read you decided NOT to date him because of commitment issues. I guess that got ironed out quickly.

Seems like a lot of damn drama. How would men make you uncomfortable? We're 50% of the people out there, you've been dealing with us for decades.
That's the thing I've always been awkward with men, starting from an early age(6) because starting and that age and up until now I've always gotten a lot of attention from guys. I'm not blowing myself up because I know I'm not the hottest thing out there but a lot of people(men and women) tell me I'm very attractive. When I was younger I would run and hide from guys if they even began to try to approach me, etc. I have legit serious scary feelings with men. I was in 2 ltr, the most recent lasted 8 years so its not like I dealt with that many guys. I mean I slowly warned up to his friends and family but he didnt thrust me into everything right away it was gradual. With the coworker it seems like he moves at a more accelerated rate. And yes he did say he had commitment issues which is why I said that I got cautious and backed away but a few days later it was brought up again in a joking way(on my end) which I talked about in another thread and he had said "wait when I told you I had commitment issues I was talking about when I was young and in my college years. I'm not like that anymore. That was years ago." So I decided to just go back with the flow of things. Since then he's shown me pics of the family, tried to get me to meet his brother, ask questions about my son, etc.

I know it's a lot of drama. I don't know how to not be neurotic and just enjoy life and just have fun because I'm shy and anxious and awkward. The only times I listen up when I'm drinking.

I just need help acting like a normal person. I don't have guy friends, I don't associate with guys much so idk what to expect or how to act. I feel like they will be reliving there college days.
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Old 11-07-2013, 12:51 PM
 
3,067 posts, read 2,498,422 times
Reputation: 3608
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006 View Post
Oh yea.

Read here:

Stop dating this guy. It shouldnt be this much work. You dredd doing almost everything he likes to do.
It means you two are not a match. I don't care how attracted to him you are. You're presonalities are not compatible, and your severe social anxiety will not allow a 'opposites attract' here either.

Honestly, and I'm not insulting you, but I would try talking to your doctor about trying an anti-anxiety medication.
You seem to have a lot of social anxiety, espellially for a 26 year old.
I like to do the same things he does but just with people I know. When i was living in another city, I went to bars, went clubbing, went out all the time. The key was that I KNEW the people so it was fun. But I'm shy so meeting new people is difficult. The thing is he quiet and reserved too. Most people who work with me say that about him. But these are buddies he's had for years so I think he's not seeing it the way I do.

I always dread events where I'm meeting new people. Last week I went to happy hour with co-workers and dreaded that too because there were people I didn't know but then I went and it wasnt so bad. I just need help boosting myself up and sometimes I just have to force myself to do things because I know it's just anxiety and things are never as bad as I think they will be. I just get worked up easily.
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Old 11-07-2013, 12:56 PM
 
3,067 posts, read 2,498,422 times
Reputation: 3608
Quote:
Originally Posted by nueva View Post
He's an extrovert and you're not, so I think its not a good match in the long run. He either wants to show you off, or, he wants their opinion of you. Either way, his friends opinions are of more concern to him than you're level of comfort.

Do you really want someone like that?
I haven't told him that I'm uncomfortable hanging out with his friends or family. I just always come up with excuses to not go. So he doesn't know that I'm uncomfortable. And he isn't even extroverted. He's quiet like I am. He just has a group of buddies he's known for years that he regularly hangs out with.
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Old 11-07-2013, 12:57 PM
 
35,325 posts, read 24,998,888 times
Reputation: 32369
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post
I don't have guy friends, I don't associate with guys much so idk what to expect or how to act. I feel like they will be reliving there college days.


This is the problem, IMO. Most of my friends are women. I know plenty of women that have never had guy friends and across the board those are the ones that have problems dating. Lots of them don't even want guy friends.

Maybe you should change that first.
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