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Old 11-07-2013, 01:14 PM
 
3,067 posts, read 2,496,100 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
This is the problem, IMO. Most of my friends are women. I know plenty of women that have never had guy friends and across the board those are the ones that have problems dating. Lots of them don't even want guy friends.

Maybe you should change that first.
Lol. well I told him I was going to go, so hopefully it's not too awkward. I'm just basically making myself go(something I always have to do or else I never do anything) and just hope that things workout ok. I figure that since I will be drinking I will loosen up anyway. And yeah I have tried having guy friends but every time I thought a guy was just a friend I would then find out he liked me and we would not be able to continue the friendship. This happened with me on 4 different occasions no lie.
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Old 11-07-2013, 01:17 PM
 
35,325 posts, read 24,966,256 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post
Lol. well I told him I was going to go, so hopefully it's not too awkward. I'm just basically making myself go(something I always have to do or else I never do anything) and just hope that things workout ok. I figure that since I will be drinking I will loosen up anyway. And yeah I have tried having guy friends but every time I thought a guy was just a friend I would then find out he liked me and we would not be able to continue the friendship. This happened with me on 4 different occasions no lie.

I believe that. Four isn't many experiences though. If it was 40 I'd say there was an issue.
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Old 11-07-2013, 01:31 PM
 
3,067 posts, read 2,496,100 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742 View Post
I believe that. Four isn't many experiences though. If it was 40 I'd say there was an issue.
True. Admittingly in high-school, I didn't want guy friends, I saw no purpose. It wasnt until college and after college that I started to make guy friends.
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Old 11-07-2013, 01:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiovo View Post
Will you be the only female there? If so, I would pass on going. If they're getting together so they can meet you then that's different, but if they're having a boys night and he shows up with you, some of the other guys might not be too happy.
I will be the only female there. I just asked him if they would mind if I came and he was like why would they care, this isn't highschool, it isn't a big deal its a real chill event. So I guess it isn't a huge deal or else he wouldn't have invited me.
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Old 11-07-2013, 01:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post
I like to do the same things he does but just with people I know. When i was living in another city, I went to bars, went clubbing, went out all the time. The key was that I KNEW the people so it was fun. But I'm shy so meeting new people is difficult. The thing is he quiet and reserved too. Most people who work with me say that about him. But these are buddies he's had for years so I think he's not seeing it the way I do.

I always dread events where I'm meeting new people. Last week I went to happy hour with co-workers and dreaded that too because there were people I didn't know but then I went and it wasnt so bad. I just need help boosting myself up and sometimes I just have to force myself to do things because I know it's just anxiety and things are never as bad as I think they will be. I just get worked up easily.


I can relate to this a little.
Looking back, some anti anxiety pills may have helped me.

Now I days I LOVE meeting new people. But I'm not the steal the show or take all the attention about it.
But after years of being the guy that was willing to do what everyone else was doing, I met tons and tons of new people, and now a days it barely phases me.

Seems like it takes you a while to get comfortable around people, but once you do reach that point, you are ok.
Thing is, I never really found anything external that helped me feel better internally.

More than anything, confidence in myself, and exposure to social events helped me embrace meeting new people.
Until I got comfortable in these situations, I just had to 'throw myself out there' and deal with it until I became comfortable.
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Old 11-07-2013, 01:48 PM
 
3,067 posts, read 2,496,100 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006 View Post
Oh yea.

Read here:

Stop dating this guy. It shouldnt be this much work. You dredd doing almost everything he likes to do.
It means you two are not a match. I don't care how attracted to him you are. You're presonalities are not compatible, and your severe social anxiety will not allow a 'opposites attract' here either.

Honestly, and I'm not insulting you, but I would try talking to your doctor about trying an anti-anxiety medication.
You seem to have a lot of social anxiety, espellially for a 26 year old.
Social anxiety runs in my family my dad has it and takes medicine for it, and my sister does as well. It doesn't seem to help them be more social if anything my sister struggles with anxiety and social awkwardness more than anyone I know. I have it too but I just make myself do things and dread the event leading up to it but it ends up never being bad and I do fine. But I do realize that anxiety can get in the way of life which is why I try my best to move pass it and just do things even if it might make me uncomfortable.
In terms of it being too much work. There hasn't been work at all... I mean yes there's been a lot of work in terms of me over thinking and analyzing a lot. But I overthink things by default lol it's just me.
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Old 11-07-2013, 01:52 PM
 
3,067 posts, read 2,496,100 times
Reputation: 3608
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006 View Post
[/b]

I can relate to this a little.
Looking back, some anti anxiety pills may have helped me.

Now I days I LOVE meeting new people. But I'm not the steal the show or take all the attention about it.
But after years of being the guy that was willing to do what everyone else was doing, I met tons and tons of new people, and now a days it barely phases me.

Seems like it takes you a while to get comfortable around people, but once you do reach that point, you are ok.
Thing is, I never really found anything external that helped me feel better internally.

More than anything, confidence in myself, and exposure to social events helped me embrace meeting new people.
Until I got comfortable in these situations, I just had to 'throw myself out there' and deal with it until I became comfortable.


Thank you for this!!! I'm making myself go.
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Old 11-07-2013, 01:57 PM
 
3,067 posts, read 2,496,100 times
Reputation: 3608
Quote:
Originally Posted by bolillo_loco View Post
Oh funymann... You crack me up! Obvious puns and double entendres are so amusing.

Faith2187:

Just be yourself, like funymann's said, he probably just wants to show you off to his friends. I've several caveats about dating people who're in circles where I have an obligation to run.

I would never date anybody from work! It's very gray and extremely complicated! I refuse to ____ where I eat...

The lion's share of relationships do not work out, hence, you'll, or should I say, I will be stuck looking at that person at work all day long. While that's not a problem if she's an adult and keeps her life private. It's just awkward if she doesn't, and she could make life miserable for me, in rare cases, file faux harassment charges, and in rarer still cases, stalk me. Furthermore, everybody at work will be in my business and it will taint opinions of my coworkers both male and female.

I have learned to not date people from places where I just can't summarily drop that location from my list.

Good luck with your burgeoning relationship,
bolillo
He accepted a new position in a different department and that department is in a completely different building 10 mins away. He starts in January so even if it did fizzle he will not be here much longer.

And I try to not make it obvious that I'm dating him. But he is making it obvious. He comes to my desk a lot, takes breaks with me, plays pranks on me constantly, etc. he is good friends with my team leader and she knows he likes me. I guess the cat is out the bag but one thing I can say is that I do try to keep things professional.
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Old 11-07-2013, 04:04 PM
 
Location: Naptowne, Alaska
15,596 posts, read 35,211,079 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann View Post
Probably wants to show you off to his Buddies. It's a compliment
This...
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Old 11-07-2013, 04:30 PM
 
1,193 posts, read 1,528,968 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187 View Post
I haven't told him that I'm uncomfortable hanging out with his friends or family. I just always come up with excuses to not go. So he doesn't know that I'm uncomfortable. And he isn't even extroverted. He's quiet like I am. He just has a group of buddies he's known for years that he regularly hangs out with.
I would say that if you want the relationship to work and see a future with this guy, you will have to learn to compromise. I am also an introvert who hates socializing with unfamiliar people. But sometimes you just have to do it. And it sounds like in general, you two are a good match--it's not like he's a party animal and you want to stay at home. But he does occasionally want to see his family and close friends. IMHO, you need to make it a priority to do these things with him, or you will eventually cause the relationship to end.
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