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Old 11-11-2013, 09:10 AM
 
3,592 posts, read 4,708,310 times
Reputation: 4735

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mstea View Post
I constantly see people writing or talking about how a man wouldn't propose to a woman if he already gets everything from here being her boyfriend, or 'buying the cow if he gets the milk for free'.
They say a woman shouldn't give the guy all the benefits he would have as her husband. But what do they actually mean by that?

I know that for some people it means you shouldn't move in together before marriage- I don't agree with that. I wanna live with a guy before I marry him. But what else could they mean?
I mean, if I hold back what I want to give him (whatever it is... cooking for him, being super nice to him, doing the household together, sex practices...) I'm not showing the person I really am, and why would he marry me if I don't show him my good and caring sides before he can even decide to marry me?

Would love to hear your opinion about that. FYI: When I say 'I' and 'he' I'm just talking theoretically. Myself, I'm not planning to get married very soon.
I can cook for him, be super-nice to him and whatever else we do as a couple...in my own apartment. Too many men think if a woman moves in with him, she suddenly becomes his pretend-wife and he is running the show, but she is still working, paying her own bills her own health insurance, car note, and completely responsible for herself. His major role will be dictating to her what she can and cannot do because they share a living space. Please don't let a guy that selfish tell you he loves you. That looks like the short end of the deal to me.

No one is telling you not to show the guy who you really are, but why does it have to be all at once? You're not going to get to know him all at once, so what's the rush with that? Are you auditioning for the role of "wife" I think men are LESS likely to marry a woman who lives with them, not more likely, though they claim this is not the case.
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Old 11-13-2013, 02:47 PM
 
Location: Ohio
38 posts, read 36,134 times
Reputation: 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post

Nevertheless, it would still be useful to have formal state recognition of “marriage-lite”, where the two partners are not financially united, but enjoy marital benefits such as hospital visitation rights, joint health insurance policy, inheritance/tax privileges and so forth.
Exactly! Two to share, and not to become one. I joke that I should marry my current beau for his health insurance, and in turn he would get a tax break to later invest as he sees fit and make more money (which he is very good at doing)...but he pays nothing out of pocket and I get my health issues taken care of. Win win. Unfortunately, the other more binding financial aspects of marriage would have his panties in a wad and leave us both feeling uncomfortable, because the only way I could show him I mean no harm is to leave and leave with nothing of his....but ideally I would not leave, right? But how does one not keep that in the back of one's mind during marriage; everything you get from here on out now belongs to you both, and how is that fair?

The only things you really get from a husband in marriage official that you do not get in a steady relationship are financial and governmental privileges. All of the most important connection and companionship can be had without the paper...and it is not "expected", but earned...because nothing but that emotional tie is keeping one or the other from walking.
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Old 11-13-2013, 09:11 PM
 
1,637 posts, read 2,127,789 times
Reputation: 788
Nothing for a man
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Old 11-13-2013, 09:24 PM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,668 posts, read 7,636,707 times
Reputation: 14830
I really feel sorry for the younger generation. When my wife and I got married 37 years ago you got married with the idea that you were going to share your lives together, sacrifice for each other, love and forgive shortcomings, have children, raise your children together because you had common values and common goals. The vast majority of the people in my social circles over the years are still married, but that's partly because we are mostly conservative Christians. What is really special is that now that we have raised our families and the children are on their own, we still have this person that we shared our lives with. We love each other, and care for one another. We know that person is going to be there till death parts us. It makes the love we have between us all that more precious. I hope that some of you can find that also. Neither my wife or myself can imagine what it would be like facing our senior years alone, without the other there.

My advice would be to put your egos aside more, and try to work with your spouses for something that will endure.
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Old 11-13-2013, 09:55 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 88,310,401 times
Reputation: 39845
Quote:
Originally Posted by augiedogie View Post
I really feel sorry for the younger generation. When my wife and I got married 37 years ago you got married with the idea that you were going to share your lives together, sacrifice for each other, love and forgive shortcomings, have children, raise your children together because you had common values and common goals. The vast majority of the people in my social circles over the years are still married, but that's partly because we are mostly conservative Christians. What is really special is that now that we have raised our families and the children are on their own, we still have this person that we shared our lives with.

We love each other, and care for one another.

We know that person is going to be there till death parts us.

It makes the love we have between us all that more precious. I hope that some of you can find that also. Neither my wife or myself can imagine what it would be like facing our senior years alone, without the other there.

My advice would be to put your egos aside more, and try to work with your spouses for something that will endure.
Preach it augie - this is a crowd so in need of your message
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Old 11-16-2013, 09:51 PM
 
Location: Concord, California
943 posts, read 848,467 times
Reputation: 3248
I no longer buy pickles because I have so much trouble opening the jars.


See? I CAN survive without a man.
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Old 12-15-2014, 04:41 AM
 
1 posts, read 639 times
Reputation: 10
This view stems from culture and religion. It is not for everybody. For example in my culture women only move in with a man if he impregnates her or if they are on the route of getting married. So if you don't belong to this kind of culture or your life doesn't mirror the biblical views of marriage. You don't have to agree with it. Some women have these views because the bible states that a man will leave his parents home and marry a woman from her parents home. So in a predicament where you have your own place as woman, no you shouldn't allow a guy to live with you because he hasn't yet made a vow before God stating that he wants to honour you and be with you for life. However like I said if you are not a Christian or you don't belong to a cultural group that have these beliefs. It's not an obligation and you will find it hard to understand why
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Old 12-15-2014, 05:12 AM
 
Location: The Netherlands
4,294 posts, read 3,062,795 times
Reputation: 4285
just drink coffee during the winter.
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Old 12-15-2014, 12:06 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,494 posts, read 8,698,317 times
Reputation: 12147
Who will change your flat tires?
Who will bail you out of jail?
And everything in between.
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Old 12-15-2014, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Jupiter
9,940 posts, read 6,096,653 times
Reputation: 7824
What are the benefits of a wife? I barely see the need of a girlfriend. Then again, I don't really care for people.
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