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Old 11-08-2013, 03:52 PM
 
9 posts, read 4,519 times
Reputation: 10

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I will start of my saying a little about my situation. I know it's a bit long, I'm sorry for that.

My husband is a poker player & I've always fully supported him even when we dated.. (been together almost 6 years) I actually encourage him - The problem is that I know when he plays sad or upset he loses so a lot of issues that arise in our marriage I let side bc I dont want him to lose & be depressed.

Right now I'm in the process of filing for my citizenship for the U.S. so we're kinda in a long distance marriage - He's a U.S. citizen & can not play in the U.S. obviously so he went behind my back & used my name to play online poker, I found out & I asked him to please not use my name & he got really upset.. I asked him a few times to stop & he told me he's stopped using my name to play online poker but I know he hasn't & I dont know what else to do..

Also I had my mom's Visa bank card by the computer & he used it to play poker, when I tried to purchase something for my mom it said "insufficient funds". He sat there & said nothing, I called the bank & he still sat there & said nothing, then the bank teller told me my last 5 charges was for poker.

All I ask him to do is to tell me when he's playing, I dont wanna put pressure on him so he doesn't have to tell me if he wons or loses but at least I know if I cant reach him that he's playing.. & he doesn't tell me the trust about poker still.. ( may be he's ashamed bc he lost a lot of money) I feel like I'm a very supportive wife in every way, I dont know what else to do..

Also we haven't really gone anywhere in years, no dates, no where special bc he spends most of his time playing poker, he quits his jobs to play poker, bc his dream is to be a pro poker player & I'm supporting him but I feel like I'm losing myself. Any advice?
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Old 11-08-2013, 03:54 PM
 
15,648 posts, read 13,198,839 times
Reputation: 34651
Why isn't your mom's visa card in your mom's wallet?

Who is supporting you?
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Old 11-08-2013, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 85,520,456 times
Reputation: 39654
Your husband has a gambling addiction.

You supported it for years so now he's getting cranky with you for suggesting he has a "problem".

He needs professional help, which he will not seek until he can admit there is a problem.

I'm not sure what you can do long distance other than to get real with him in your conversations and encourage him to call someone like Gamblers Anonymous.

http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/ga/

This will not end well I'm afraid. Protect whatever assets you have of your own. Best of luck.
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Old 11-08-2013, 04:04 PM
 
3,201 posts, read 3,345,395 times
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wow

congrats on marrying an addict and thief

where are you from btw?

---
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Old 11-08-2013, 04:08 PM
 
9 posts, read 4,519 times
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That the problem he doesn't think he has a problem..

It's frustration because he lies to me a lot & disappears a lot.. Our marriage is falling apart & all he care about is poker.. he says "I'll make money so we could enjoy life together" When he starts treating me badly bc of poker I stay away from him for a while, it's natural if someone is mean to you, you wouldn't want to be around them.. then he apologizes says things like "I cant live without you in my life" "you've made me a better person & now I'm finally the man you deserve to be with" "I'm too depressed when your not talking to me" "I hate when things are bad with us, this marriage is worth it" "I'll never do that again" . He makes every promise & excuse in the book to win me back.

I've been hearing the same things for years that it means nothing to me anymore..
I grew up very traditional so I'm very traditional when it comes to marriage.. I do everything possible to make our marriage work but when he wants to play poker he gets so mean & says not so nice things.

I was purchasing something online for her with her Visa card bc she dont know much about shopping online, even those I've shown her lots of time she's still not confident shopping online on her own...
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Old 11-08-2013, 04:10 PM
 
Location: east coast
2,789 posts, read 2,123,247 times
Reputation: 1868
In short, you need to get him assistance. There is no talking or trying to make sense. Most of us are not in the position to assist your husband. You need to find another family member or friend that is willing to take this on. He will continue and it will get worse. Get off the computer and seek help.
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Old 11-08-2013, 04:14 PM
 
3,201 posts, read 3,345,395 times
Reputation: 4407
if you havent already.... explicitly state to him that he is an addict and get him some help

if he refuses to get help then there is no reason to stick around in this nonrelationship

---

how'd you meet this fine individual?
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Old 11-08-2013, 04:14 PM
 
15,648 posts, read 13,198,839 times
Reputation: 34651
Were you a mail order bride? That is the only reason I can think of for you being so passive and blind to the situation you willingly walked into.
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Old 11-08-2013, 04:17 PM
 
15,648 posts, read 13,198,839 times
Reputation: 34651
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sandy Ann View Post
I was purchasing something online for her with her Visa card bc she dont know much about shopping online, even those I've shown her lots of time she's still not confident shopping online on her own...
That doesn't explain how your Mom's Visa card traveled all the way to the side of your husband's computer when you are living in different countries.
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Old 11-08-2013, 04:23 PM
 
6,758 posts, read 7,816,183 times
Reputation: 6768
I think you should talk to a lawyer about how to protect yourself.

Does your immigration lawyer know he uses your name to gamble online? I wonder if that could be a problem for your immigration. Also, that lawyer can maybe refer you to another lawyer who can tell you how to protect yourself from more identity theft.

Sometimes spouses run up huge bills and ruin their partner's credit, and then get divorced. I don't want that to happen to you.
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