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Old 11-12-2013, 08:56 AM
 
1,450 posts, read 1,894,093 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012 View Post
Children got to grow up with both parents, which is an incredible advantage over kids growing up in broken homes. People took marriage vows seriously, and understood that it took serious hard work to make a marriage work. Even today, only 6% of divorces take place due to actual abuse, be it verbal or physical. The rest fall apart for such valid reasons as " we have grown apart" or "Im simply not happy anymore". They come from people who have zero consistency of character, little to no moral compass and zero control over their hormonal changes. Take a wild guess who files most divorces? Not to worry, big brother is on standby to redistribute wealth to the victim.
It was an advantage in some cases. If you were a kid that grew up with an abusive home years ago, and your mom(or dad) wouldn't leave for whatever reason, it really didn't work out to be an incredible advantage.

I don't think we can always know what reasons people divorce for...some people choose to keep it private and maybe give a vague answer to the general public.

The question of who files for divorce really gives very little information about the background factors of the divorce, or what caused the breakdown of the marriage.
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Old 11-12-2013, 08:59 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,105 posts, read 107,284,053 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nald View Post
[b]Main premise of the opening post is simply wrong.
True. My grandparents weren't "so successful" in their marriage; they didn't divorce, but they lived separate lives to some extent, occupying separate bedrooms, vacationing separately. Domestic violence due to alcoholism was rampant for much of history, and there was no escape for women. This is what lead to the creation of the temperance movement and Prohibition. Still, it's always heart-warming to hear stories of couples who still love each other after 50 years. Those, however, are the exception to the rule, in any era.
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Old 11-12-2013, 08:59 AM
 
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I agree that the original premise/question is flawed. The notion that previous generations had "successful" marriages depends very much on how you value "success".
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Cape Cod
24,296 posts, read 17,040,205 times
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My wife is Irish and divorce is still frowned apon over there. My parents divorced when I was a teen in the early 80's and it was some what rare back then but I'm glad they did it.
I think back in the day there were not as many distractions as there are today and people tended to take their vows more seriously. Back when for good or bad richer or poorer actually meant something. Today people are looking for the quick fix, the quick fun for me me me. When a marriage hits a rough spot instead of working through it why be miserable? just get a divorce life is too short.
Our society is on a downward spiral where common sense and family and social values are flying out the window and it is effecting all avenues of what we used to call a normal life including marriage.
People need to stop taking the easy way out.
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:18 AM
 
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The idea that people divorce after hitting one "rough patch" is a bit simplistic, don't you think? The truth is very few people know what goes on in another relationship.
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:19 AM
 
Location: Bronx, New York
2,134 posts, read 3,035,904 times
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I guess it's all about how you see the world. I see the glass as half-full. Humans have always had problems and until fairly recent times life for most was nasty, brutish, and short (still is depending on your part of the globe). Modern life is far from perfect but I think humans have never had it this good in the history of mankind. No one can tell me that life in the 11th century (random century) when marriage and church were sacred was better than 2013 and make me believe it.

I also think it's real easy to talk about people taking the easy way out when you're not the one in the marriage. The only two people who really know what's going on in a relationship are the two in the relationship.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Cape Cod Todd View Post
My wife is Irish and divorce is still frowned apon over there. My parents divorced when I was a teen in the early 80's and it was some what rare back then but I'm glad they did it.
I think back in the day there were not as many distractions as there are today and people tended to take their vows more seriously. Back when for good or bad richer or poorer actually meant something. Today people are looking for the quick fix, the quick fun for me me me. When a marriage hits a rough spot instead of working through it why be miserable? just get a divorce life is too short.
Our society is on a downward spiral where common sense and family and social values are flying out the window and it is effecting all avenues of what we used to call a normal life including marriage.
People need to stop taking the easy way out.
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:19 AM
 
Location: NC
11,204 posts, read 8,254,791 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
There are still women out there who just want a husband that is a good provider and good father and they will love him to death.
This is what I was married to for 15 years. Problem is that she loved all these attributes to death, but not me. Call me sentimental, but I needed more out of our relationship. She wanted all that, wanted to call all the shots on raising our child (because that was her "right"), and provided me with what she though was enough sex to appease my needs.

Well I stayed faithful, tried to work with her on it, and finally realized it would never change, so I got out.


To the OP's question, I think a lot of it is expectations. In the 21st century, we have been trained to think everything is instant gratification, and if it's not, we can go get better. Sorry, but you can't take a pill to cure all ailments, you can't buy a (car/house/boat/etc) to make all your wants go away, and you can't just wish your marriage to be fullfilling without working (hard) at it.

Back then, couples had reasonable expectations, did not feel entitled to so much, and they worked on stuff. My parents just celebrated 52 years. They fight like crazy, and love each other even more intensely.
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:26 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,105 posts, read 107,284,053 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cape Cod Todd View Post
I think back in the day there were not as many distractions as there are today and people tended to take their vows more seriously. Back when for good or bad richer or poorer actually meant something.
Back in the day, no-fault divorce didn't exist. I don't think it's a coincidence that when divorce laws loosened up, people stopped staying committed to the bitter end. Instead of looking at easy divorce as a negative (people don't take marriage seriously anymore), look at the other side of the coin; women can now get out if they need to. For every divorce that happens perhaps too soon, too frivolously, there is a divorce that saved a woman's life, or her kids' well-being.
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:29 AM
 
5,347 posts, read 7,181,602 times
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Different time and different era

If you took many of them and put them as 21 year olds in this 2013 dating climate they probably wouldn't get married for that long(or at all)

Being together for ten years is the new 20
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:32 AM
 
2,758 posts, read 4,948,053 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rocco Barbosa View Post
Our grandparents were very successful at making relationships work for 30,40,50 and even 60 years of marriage.

My grandmother was a nurse and my grandfather was a welder for the Navy ship yard. They had a very good life. Lived very well and saved a lot of money too. Put 5 kids through college and helped each child secure their first home. My grandparents had a great grasp on what life was about. I'm sure your grandparents were similar to mine, in that regard.

My parents have been married for over 40 years. I remember my mom telling me that she and my dad met in college back in the late 60's. She approached him, and, well as they say, the rest is history.

Seems like, even with the top 10 dating websites, Meetups, forums, social media, people are finding it very difficult to connect with each other.

I know many guys that have just about given up on dating or attempting to find a gal to date, let alone get married to.


Some things to consider. Also, post you own views as well---
Have people gone overboard with their expectations and requirements?
Have people priced themselves out of the market?
Did feminism kill relationships?
Is it about competing with each other more so than helping each other?


Let's talk



NOTE: I AM NOT SEEKING ADVICE. I AM POSING A QUESTION FOR DISCUSSION.
IMO, they WEREN'T Better at relationships.
They just didnt get divorced.

I know many many stories of 'successful' educated, 'good' people that are/were my grandparents age that were really really bad at relationships.

Back then, most couples stayed together as opposed to getting divorced. After hearing some stories, I have absolutely no idea how they didnt leave each other.
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