Is it inappropriate for a grown woman in a relationship to spend the night at a friend's? (how to, jealous)
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I feel nothing for you since I don't get emotionally wrapped up in anonymous Internet handles, but thank you for allowing me into your emotional being.
As for the rest of your post...
I am a woman who has seen what I noted countless times and in fact have declined allowing married women to go out drinking with me for for that very reason. You are either naive or simply dishonest to argue that what I have said isn't a common orgin of female infidelity. Most likely you are a bit of both, and are so angry at the world, (feminism I guess?) intellectual dishonesty is a regular part of your life.
Maybe your actual problem is the people you associate with.
Women do not hook up like men do (unemotional sex that could be had with anyone) independent of relationship status. This isn't news.
You are obviously older, late 40s to 50ish? Women hook up like men quite often today (and are typically unhappy as a result). This why people are so up in arms over "slut shaming" today - women are mad that they are called sluts after hooking up whereas men aren't. The hook up gals hate the double standard, understandably so.
You are obviously older, late 40s to 50ish? Women hook up like men quite often today (and are typically unhappy as a result). This why people are so up in arms over "slu shaming" today - women are mad that they are called sluts after hooking up whereas men aren't.
No, not that old. It's simply not how married, or otherwise tethered, women are cheating according to the stats.
Maybe your actual problem is the people you associate with.
I don't have a problem at least not regarding this topic. I have eyes and I see what I see. Why must you put me down for reporting what I see? Does it make you feel good or comfort you? Why can't you simply explain what you see, if what you see is different? Why must you stamp out dissent? What's wrong with free speech and an exchange of ideas?
He wants his love at home with him. So sue the man?
My hubby likes me home with him though he doesn't mind sleepovers that are planned in advance... I'd be irritated if he left me at home last minute on a whim. I don't like staying home overnight alone if I don't have too. Selfish? Everyone has their desires in a relationship and it's obviously about picking your battles and maybe this is one of his?
No, not that old. It's simply not how married, or otherwise tethered, women are cheating according to the stats.
Sorry I was quite sure you are older, so you are in your 30s?
Can we trust stats on this issue? Trust stats over a view from the field? Do you really believe that people tell the truth about their sexual behaviours when they are polled by statisticians?
I don't have a problem at least not regarding this topic. I have eyes and I see what I see. Why must you put me down for reporting what I see? Does it make you feel good or comfort you? Why can't you simply explain what you see, if what you see is different? Why must you stamp out dissent? What's wrong with free speech and an exchange of ideas?
I don't think you should be offended by the comment. There is probably something to it. People tend to think our personal experiences can be generalized onto a population. Sometimes that's the case, sometimes not. That's not to say that there aren't women who are cheating when out partying with single friends, but that's going to vary depending on a number of things like age (as you note), class, SES, religion, culture, education, etc.
Sorry I was quite sure you are older, so you are in your 30s?
Can we trust stats on this issue? Trust stats over a view from the field? Do you really believe that people tell the truth about their sexual behaviours when they are polled by statisticians?
I'm old enough, just not that old. Don't worry about it. As far as trusting the stats go, well, it's a better option that trusting anecdotes.
So me and my boyfriend just had a huge argument about this and I'm interested in hearing people's viewpoints. Last night, I went out with a girlfriend for dinner and drinks. At around midnight, we went back to her place and I felt pretty tired from drinking and just decided to crash at her place. I live in Chicago and her place is like a 40 minute train ride from my apartment.
When I called my boyfriend (who I live with) last night to tell him I was staying over, he went ballistic. He said he didn't like it at all didn't think it was right for a grown woman to spend the night at a friend's house. He even told me he'd pay for my cab if I just came home. After arguing for a few minutes, I told him I was staying and that I would be home in the morning.
Is it me or is he overreacting? I just find this so weird. He also didn't like the fact that I've only known this girl for a couple months and that he's only met her once.
Basically - you went out to a dinner and drinks and wanted to stay out the whole night and return in the morning. It's not like you couldn't come over. You didn't want to come home. He even offered to come over for your/send you a cab, so I don't see where's the security issue in that if you'd even walk around or drive while intoxicated. You simply didn't want to come home. What kind of a cohabiting girlfriend would then REFUSE it when the guy offers to come over for you or to send a cab for you to return safely? It's only the woman who doesn't care for the guy at all. I'd say you just have a copulating buddy, not a boyfriend.
Well, be prepared that a guy who would put up with that will generally be the guy who would also spend nights outside and trash you out emotionally each time when you ask him where he spent the night and demand him to stop doing that. Because he'll also see you as a control freak as well. Also, that'd be the guy who would never take responsibility for any child that you two have together, or would simply opt for DNA test. Or he'd run away and force you to take one instead.
But it's perfectly okay not to "settle" for such guy, and look for a naive fool who's going to put up with anything you throw at him. Such guy is also called "doormat", just to avoid any misunderstanding. My opinion - he offered to come over for you to take you home. You refused. It's not about you being drunk. You wanted to get drunk and you wanted to spend the night away. I find that not disrespecting him but disrespecting the home of your own.
I wouldn't find it being insecure by not tolerating such behavior and it's a matter of a character to set things straight immediately and not let someone walk over me. You can be secure on your own and I can be secure on my own - that's how I'd see it. You weren't at the other part of the globe - you simply don't want to come home.
You two live together. You're not living separately or something. You just aren't taking it seriously, why do you bother spending time with someone who takes it "too serious" in such matter? IMO this will never work. You'll always feel like he's too controlling. Rest of the couples will tell you that such behavior is intolerable as well, but oh well - this is city-data and people often pull the excuses out of their butt. I'd probably never take you seriously after that, no matter what.
See, there's the problem. It's not about being your male or female friend. You simply don't respect your own house that you live in. Some other time you'll be having children. And I'd agree with the advices of numerous posters in here - you'll be doing the right thing by dumping him, if he's actually annoyed and still can't dump you for it. You'll be doing the favor for everyone involved.
Just based on this one sided post he obviously has trust issues and seems controlling.
There's 2 sides to every story. He could have had a reason not to trust you, etc. not likef your friend for various reasons that may seem sketchy, etc.
If this type of thing is a rare occurance (going out and not coming home) I don't see it as a big deal.
Also, as for people with the whole "need to be married and then you'll have a say" thats b.s. they live together. They've been together 6 years. I don't know about their relationship but I could never picture things like that "changing" when marriage happens. Other than possibly finances and responsibilities I don't really see anything should change much when marriage comes around.
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