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Old 11-11-2013, 01:02 AM
 
Location: North Idaho
22,502 posts, read 28,404,027 times
Reputation: 43328

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyCapricorn View Post

..........It said "I enjoy having sex with you but I feel slimey afterwards." ...........and he was letting her down gently..........
He is letting her down gently by having sex with her?

He got caught with this one, but no telling how many you didn't find out about.

It's up to you, OP. If you don't mind sharing him and everything else is wonderful, then weigh the benefits against the negatives. If you do keep him, then get tested and the rule should be never any sex, not ever, without a condom, because there is no way to know what sort of skank he is seeing on the side.
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Old 11-11-2013, 05:50 AM
 
1,193 posts, read 1,529,387 times
Reputation: 3440
I think this is much worse than just plain screwing up once. If, for example, he'd been faithful, but done a dumb thing once, cut off contact and come clean with you, that would be one thing. But in your instance:

1. He promised not to be physical and did.

2. He did not tell you the truth about it--even after he was caught, he lied until busted. Unfortunately, this demonstrates that not only is he a sneak, but he'll keep lying until caught. Not a good sign long term.

3. He did not come completely clean about what happened. He should be willing to give you any information you want, and should be willing to demonstrate he's not STILL cheating by letting you look at his phone, etc. He won't even tell you the girl's name which means it's probably a lot worse than you discovered.

I would not hitch my future to this guy.
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Old 11-12-2013, 03:37 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,489 posts, read 8,693,750 times
Reputation: 12142
What you want to do is more important than what people say here. How you do it is even more important.
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Old 11-12-2013, 07:38 AM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,666 posts, read 7,632,897 times
Reputation: 14825
It sounds like the "break" in your relationship was him starting this affair with the other woman and him keeping you on ice, just in case the new girl he was breaking in didn't work out. My guess is that there are lies on top of lies. Dump.
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Old 11-12-2013, 07:41 AM
 
Location: Hampstead NC
5,494 posts, read 5,033,284 times
Reputation: 13899
Asking for a break in the first place should have been your first clue.
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Old 11-12-2013, 09:26 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
671 posts, read 818,673 times
Reputation: 837
Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyCapricorn View Post
My boyfriend and I have been together about 6 years. Last year out of nowhere he announced he wanted to take a break. He said that we should not sleep with anyone else during the break or be physical. I was really confused as to why he wanted to do this because things seemed to be good between us.

Last month he answers a text to someone else and sent it to me by mistake. It said "I enjoy having sex with you but I feel slimey afterwards." Of course I call him right away and ask who he was texting. He said someone forwarded that to him and he was forwading it to someone else (BS!). After 20 minutes of arguing he came clean. He said he met this girl a year ago when we were on our break and she had been contacting him a lot lately and he was letting her down gently. Of course I am distraught over this! First of all, he wasn't supposed to be physical with anyone during the break. 2nd, I have no idea if this girl is actually someone he dated a year ago during our break or someone he just met. I asked for her name but he refuses to tell me who she is. I have no idea what to do! All I do know now is I DO NOT trust him but after 6 years it's hard to just walk away. Can someone help me out?

I could be wrong but I'm not positive he cheated on you, this might be a case of being too chicken**** to break up with you so he's forcing the issue. I don't think he "accidentally" sent you that text. He wrote it and sent it hoping that you would break up with him since he isn't man enough to do it on his own. My guess is that there isn't another girl which is why he won't give you a name. Also, why in the world would you send a text saying "I enjoy having sex with you but feel slimy afterwards?" That's an insult to the other person and if he feels "slimy" about it he wouldn't have enjoyed it. Nobody sends that type of text to "let someone down." Any adult with common sense and half a heart would simply tell somebody that they don't want to see them anymore. They wouldn't send that type of text.

This guy is a first class loser and you need to forget about him. Six years is a long time but thank your lucky stars that you didn't marry this guy. Sounds like he just wanted out of the relationship and isn't adult enough to just say so.
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Old 11-12-2013, 10:33 AM
 
643 posts, read 744,918 times
Reputation: 598
Move on
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Old 11-12-2013, 11:10 AM
 
Location: Europe
2,730 posts, read 2,072,998 times
Reputation: 4158
Of course go, why even think of staying?
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Old 11-12-2013, 11:45 AM
 
Location: east coast
2,807 posts, read 2,287,601 times
Reputation: 1875
Let me be a voice of clarity...

It is not so black and white. We are humans, we are not robots. Next thing, you are not a man. There is no way to understand what goes on physiologically. Not all men that cheat are dirt bags. You have proof that he feels a certain way about cheating on you. Here it is in plain text that the guy is not too happy with what he is doing but yet; he gets no recognition for it. (oh, we didn’t think about that did we – to the above posters?)

It is all or nothing in the eyes of these above posters that have no clue what it means to have relationship issues and think just because one cheats, or doesn’t come clean (even though he expresses his sorrow to the other woman), one has to be crucified and burn in hell. Don’t be naÔve and think you will never have another man look, think, or flirt with another woman intimately. He cheated and the next guy would have as well given “a break”.

He took a break- what else do you think MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED? You took it upon yourself and allowed it. He is a man. The way he thinks is that he can have his cake and eat it too so naturally that is why he told you no physical with anyone- that is the master plan as if you didn’t even know this. Why are men married but still go to strip clubs? (There is no difference- all you DEFENDERS) Half of these nuts on here telling you to go are probably married and still watch porn which is also a form of cheating to some degree (the DEFENDERS WILL SAY- oh we watch it together- as if there is a difference). My issue is to the quick draw approach. The guy is expressing sorrow and that he doesn’t love her and that it is purely sex. No emotion. How much more scientific proof do you need to understand that men can have sex without emotional attachments?

Question, what are you not giving him sexually? Have you talked about your intimacy? What about how after 6 years with being with the same person, things can get old, people gain weight, and so on….
I am not saying to let it go easy and take him back but I am saying to think about what is going on- are you going to take a break the next time? What contributed to the break? Maybe he took a break because he didn’t want to hurt you? Of course you have to talk about it. But don’t do the quick draw approach especially when he is not so into her and is expressing it…. You have 6 years invested and are acting like we as humans are supposed to be without sin and not revert back to our ancestry days – given the reason (lack of desire, lack of intimacy, lack of something in the current relationship).
He is your man, not anyone else’s. Stop listening to those that have no idea how to manage their own and find out the best solution by talking it out and observing his actions and seeing how you could have possibly contributed to his actions.

Fair and Balance- there is no one way to approach unless you are a bitter hater….

Wowzers, if only people could have an open mind in this world... Prostitution is legal in parts of the world and divorce is not as common in those areas....
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Old 11-12-2013, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Middle America
36,462 posts, read 41,651,387 times
Reputation: 50112
Quote:
Originally Posted by halfamazing View Post
Let me be a voice of clarity...

It is not so black and white. We are humans, we are not robots. Next thing, you are not a man. There is no way to understand what goes on physiologically. Not all men that cheat are dirt bags. You have proof that he feels a certain way about cheating on you. Here it is in plain text that the guy is not too happy with what he is doing but yet; he gets no recognition for it. (oh, we didnít think about that did we Ė to the above posters?)

It is all or nothing in the eyes of these above posters that have no clue what it means to have relationship issues and think just because one cheats, or doesnít come clean (even though he expresses his sorrow to the other woman), one has to be crucified and burn in hell. Donít be naÔve and think you will never have another man look, think, or flirt with another woman intimately. He cheated and the next guy would have as well given ďa breakĒ.
Crucified? Please...people have said, "Yeah, go your own way. He's dishonest and you clearly feel you can't trust him...and you have reason to feel so."

Sorry, but when you cheat, lie, are otherwise dishonest, you run the risk of losing your relationships over it. This isn't "being crucified and burning in hell." It's simply cause/effect. It's a completely understandable effect of being unfaithful. Saying, "Well, yes, I lied to you, but look! I'm COMING CLEAN ABOUT IT!" isn't really this big noble thing you seem to think it is. Saying, "Of course I cheated, what do you think I am, a robot? Men have needs, and you just don't understand! At least I'm being honest with you about it!" isn't a ringing endorsement of future fidelity, now is it? What exactly is the guy in this hypothetical scenario supposed to be "getting recognition" for? Being "sad" that he cheated? Come on. You do untrustworthy things, you get treated as untrustworthy. Not rocket science.

Just being a voice of clarity.
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